The Resurrection of Wildflowers (Wildflower #2)(38)

He points at his car and says goodbye. Thayer and I stand on the driveway side by side watching him back out.

“Fancy car,” he remarks, watching the Mercedes disappear down the street. “Yours, too.” He points at my Range Rover.

“It sure beats my old clunker, but I did love that thing.”

He looks at the spot where it used to be parked in front of the house on the street, like if he stares hard enough, he can bring it back.

“I sold it,” I ramble, feeling the desire to fill the silence for once with him, “I didn’t need it in Brooklyn, and it made sense to have the extra money since I was…”

“Since you were pregnant,” he fills in the blanks for me.

“Are you ready to meet her?”

He looks at me through thick lashes, nervous excitement in his brown-eyed gaze. “Yeah.” A tiny smile graces his lips. “Yeah, I am.”

“Come on then.” I hold my hand out to him. He takes it, holding on so tight it’s like I’m a buoy and he’s been adrift at sea, desperate to find something to keep him afloat.

Up the porch steps we go, the screen door creaking when I open it.

“Mommy!” Seda comes running from the kitchen, cupcake in hand and frosting all over her face. “This one is my favorite! Grandma said it’s cookie dough!”

Thayer’s hand goes limp in mine.

He’s seen photos. He knows what she looks like. But there’s a vast difference in looking at an image and staring at the living, breathing person in front of you.

When I was pregnant with her, I used to think about what would happen if I was able to reunite with Thayer before I gave birth. How he might look at her when she entered the world.

He wears the exact expression I dreamed of now—one of wonder and surprise, like someone who has just discovered one of the world’s greatest secrets.

I can almost hear his thoughts—how she looks like us, how she’s this beautiful little light in the world. She’s precious, the world is infinite in the eyes of our child. She’s the reminder that there’s always good somewhere in life.

Thayer looks at me, his eyes filled with awe. I can tell he doesn’t know what to say to her.

But Seda doesn’t need prompting. Tilting her head to the side, her small pink tongue licking the icing from around her mouth, she blurts, “Are you my Dad? My mommy said I was going to meet my dad today. Did you give me DVD? No … that’s not right, what did you call it, Mommy?”

“DNA,” I correct. I move behind her, pulling her soft blonde hair behind her shoulders and facing Thayer. “And, yes, baby. This is him.”

Thayer clears his throat, crouching down on one knee so he’s more her height. “Hi.” He offers his hand to her to shake if she wants.

She stares at his outstretched hand. I don’t urge her to take it. That’s her decision to make. Slowly, carefully, she shakes his hand and lets hers drop quickly back to her side.

“Mommy said when she had me you were in a bad place and weren’t ready to be my dad.”

Thayer looks up at me briefly and back to her. “That’s right. You know about your brother?” When she nods, he goes on. “I was in a bad place after he died. It’s not easy for parents to lose their child.”

She reaches out, placing her small hand gently on his cheek. “It’s okay. I’ll help you.”

He smiles, putting his hand over top of hers. His big hand completely swallows the small one beneath it. “I’m sure you will.”

Seda’s eyes flicker up to meet mine before she refocuses on Thayer. “Mommy says I’m so special I got two daddies to love me. Is that true? Do you love me?”

Thayer visibly swallows. “Yeah.” I can hear how choked up he is in the way his voice breaks. “It’s true. I love you.”

The love of a parent is so beautiful in that way—how you can look at your child and see everything. It makes me wonder how people like my father ever exist. It feels like it goes against the laws of nature.

He reaches out with his other hand, giving her plenty of time to step away or say no to his touch when he puts his hand on her cheek the same way she has hers on his.

My heart beats rapidly and I fight back tears.

Turning away from the sight, I step outside to catch my breath. I don’t want Seda to see me break down and think she’s done something wrong, because it’s the complete opposite. She’s so kind and open-hearted. She’s able to trust and understand so much and I love that about her. I love that she’ll never be tainted by the darkness my own childhood endured.

Sitting down on the porch steps, I glance over my shoulder when I hear the door open. Thayer steps out and settles beside me.

“Why did you come out here? You didn’t have to follow me.”

He drapes his arms over his knees. “I know.”

“Then why did you?”

“I was worried about you.”

“About me?” I laugh incredulously. “Why?”

“You tell me.” He nudges my arm with his. “What’s on your mind?”

“Just mad at myself,” I mumble, watching a bumble bee buzz near some marigolds around the walkway.

“Mad at yourself?” His face twists in confusion. “Why?”