The Opportunist (Love Me with Lies, #1)(72)

“I don’t think so.”



“Then what do you think?” The space in between his eyebrows was puckered and his eyes were seeing something I was dying to get a peak of.

“I think that after the first time you give your heart away, you never get it back. The rest of your life is just you pretending that you still have a heart.”

“Okaay…”



“So, just think about that,” he shrugs casually. “He’s living, but he’s broken.”



“How do you know?” I ask. Caleb didn’t look broken to me. He appeared to have completely moved on.



“Because from approximately twelve hours of knowing you, I have decided that I will never forget you, even if we never speak another word to each other. You leave a very strong impression. I can only imagine how that poor bastard feels after so many years of keeping company with you.”

“It feels like a very hard blow to the head,” I laugh, but I am sadly serious. He stares at me for what seems like forever and then he says, “Fight clean. Be honest. That’s the way you’ll win him back. But, if you see that he’s truly happy, leave him be.”

“I don‘t know if I can do that,” I say honestly. “I’m not sure I’m capable of walking away.”

“That’s because you don’t know how to love.”

“Are you saying I don’t love him?” I am shocked. After everything I told him, I thought that my love was obvious. Who would fight this hard without love?

“I’m saying that you don’t love him as much as you love yourself.”

Silence.

I take several seconds to cultivate my anger.

“Why? Why do you think that?”

“He has carved for himself some semblance of a life without you. You are willing to uproot that, throw his life into turmoil once again. Have you thought about the fact that more than one person will be hurt? He belongs to Leah now, too, and what about the child that might already have come into existence?”

I flinch. I hadn’t thought about the baby.



“There is more to loving someone than just making yourself happy. You have to want him to be happier than you are.”



“He’d be happier with me,” I say confidently. “We were made for each other.”



“But he would have guilt. For abandoning his wife, his child, for missing out on years of your life. And where would the trust be? Do you think that he won’t remember what you’ve done?”

I bite back tears.

“We can fix it. Sure, there will be scars, but there will be love enough to cover them,” I was begging him to side with me now, for him to see what I saw. Caleb and I were supposed to be together. No matter how we tried to stay apart, something kept guiding us back together.

“Maybe, but are you willing to put him through the whirlwind for a broken dream?”

I sniff.

“Olivia,” he laid his hand on top of mine, “There was a time for you and Caleb. You chose and now it has passed. Until now, you have proven that you are capable of pretty much anything.” I flinch at the truth of his words. “Prove to yourself that you are capable of something selfless.”

I want to argue with him, beg him to understand that my life will be tasteless without Caleb.

“You are a very wise man, Noah,” I smile miserably.





After dinner, we share a cab back to my hotel. Noah steps out to say his goodbye before continuing on to his hotel.

I don’t know why, but I am terribly sad. I feel the burning of tears in my eyes.

And then I know without a doubt that if I were a whole person, Noah and I would have had a chance together. He is so wise and good, I would have been able to fall in love with him and we would have married and had a family. I saw it all in a flash second. Noah and I. Maybe he saw it too, because at that moment he leaned down and kissed me on the lips. It was a sad kiss, full of what ifs. When he pulls his lips away, my head is spinning and I feel like I have a gullet full of grenades.

“Good luck, Olivia,” he smiles, “Choose wisely.”

And then he lowers himself into the cab and is driven away with all my thoughts trailing after him. I stand on the sidewalk and watch the tires of his cab spray up the day’s rain. It is drizzling outside, but I don’t care. I like the rain. I decide to walk, and as I do, I think about what to do. Surprisingly, there are no thoughts of plotting revenge. I am thinking about my own inner decay and about how selfish I have always been. I count the times I have made good decisions in my life and come up with only five. Deciding to go on that first date with Caleb, telling him the truth about what I’d done, becoming a lawyer, breaking up with Turner, and coming to Rome and meeting Noah. Five good decisions. It seems like such a shabby number. But, my pitiful handful represents a small possibility. Noah saw something in me and he took the time to nurture it. Now, I had to imprint truth in my heart. I was not going to repay evil for evil. Leah had won him and she deserved to keep him.

I wander, wet and shivering, to the Trinità dei Monti, the beautiful church built by Saint Frances of Paola and I stand looking up at the Obelisco Sallustiano. This is where I make my final decision, in front of a building that represents goodness. You better get home before it’s too late. This time the sky was not red. I was sidestepping trouble, saying a final goodbye to it. I wonder if I can make a habit out of doing the right thing and then I smile because I know what a long journey that will be for me.