The Notebook (The Notebook #1)(32)

“Thanks for coming,” Allie said. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

On her way out the door, Allie thought that she heard her mother whisper, “Follow your heart,” but she couldn’t be sure.





Crossroads


Noah opened the door for Anne Nelson as she went out.

“Good-bye, Noah,” she said quietly. He nodded without speaking. There wasn’t anything else to say; they both knew that. She turned from him and left, closing the door behind her. Noah watched her walk to her car, get in, and drive away without looking back. She was a strong woman, he thought to himself, and he knew where Allie got it from.

Noah peeked in the living room, saw Allie sitting with her head down, then went to the back porch, knowing that she needed to be alone. He sat quietly in his rocker and watched the water drifting by as the minutes passed.

After what seemed like an eternity he heard the back door open. He didn’t turn to look at her just then—for some reason he couldn’t—and he listened as she sat in the chair beside him.

“I’m sorry,” Allie said. “I had no idea this would happen.”

Noah shook his head. “Don’t be sorry. We both knew it was coming in some form or another.”

“It’s still hard.”

“I know.” He finally turned to her, reaching for her hand. “Is there anything I can do to make it easier?”

She shook her head. “No. Not really. I have to do this alone. Besides, I’m not sure what I’m going to say to him yet.” She looked down and her voice became softer and a little more distant, as if she were talking to herself. “I guess it depends on him and how much he knows. If my mother was right, he may have suspicions, but he doesn’t know anything for sure.”

Noah felt a tightness in his stomach. When he finally spoke his voice was steady, but she could hear the pain in it.

“You’re not going to tell him about us, are you?” “I don’t know. I really don’t. While I was in the living room, I kept asking myself what I really wanted in my life.” She squeezed his hand. “And do you know what the answer was? The answer was that I wanted two things. First, I want you. I want us. I love you and I always have.”

She took a deep breath before going on.

“But I also want a happy ending without hurting anyone. And I know that if I stayed, people would be hurt. Especially Lon. I wasn’t lying when I told you that I love him. He doesn’t make me feel the same way you do, but I care for him, and this wouldn’t be fair to him. But staying here would also hurt my family and friends. I would be betraying everyone I know.

...I don’t know if I can do that.”

“You can’t live your life for other people. You’ve got to do what’s right for you, even if it hurts some people you love.”

“I know,” she said, “but no matter what I choose I have to live with it. Forever. I have to be able to go forward and not look back anymore. Can you understand that?”

He shook his head and tried to keep his voice steady. “Not really. Not if it means losing you. I can’t do that again.”

She didn’t say anything but lowered her head. Noah went on:

“Could you really leave me without looking back?”

She bit her lip as she answered. Her voice was beginning to crack. “I don’t know. Probably not.”

“Would that be fair to Lon?”

She didn’t answer right away. Instead she stood, wiped her face, and walked to the edge of the porch where she leaned against the post. She crossed her arms and watched the water before answering quietly.

“No.”

“It doesn’t have to be like this, Allie,” he said. “We’re adults now, we have the choice we didn’t have before. We’re meant to be together. We always have been.”

He walked to her side and put his hand on her shoulder. “I don’t want to live the rest of my life thinking about you and dreaming of what might have been. Stay with me, Allie.”

Tears began to fill her eyes. “I don’t know if I can,” she finally whispered.

“You can. Allie . . . I can’t live my life happily knowing you’re with someone else. That would kill a part of me. What we have is rare. It’s too beautiful to just throw it away.”

She didn’t respond. After a moment he gently turned her toward him, took her hands, and stared at her, willing her to look at him. Allie finally faced him with moist eyes. After a long silence, Noah brushed the tears from her cheeks with his fingers, a look of tenderness on his face. His voice caught as he saw what her eyes were telling him.

“You’re not going to stay, are you?” He smiled weakly. “You want to, but you can’t.”

“Oh, Noah,” she said as the tears began again, “please try to understand. ...”

He shook his head to stop her.

“I know what you’re trying to say—I can see it in your eyes. But I don’t want to understand it, Allie. I don’t want it to end this way. I don’t want it to end at all. But if you leave, we both know we’ll never see each other again.”

She leaned into him and began to cry harder as Noah fought back his own tears.

He wrapped his arms around her.