The Mistake(39)

She slides to her knees as she does it.

I’m pretty sure I’ve just secured myself a place in hell for this. I came over tonight to end it, and instead I’m thrusting my dick into her warm, wet mouth.

Goddamn whoever invented blowjobs. They feel too damn good, and they do terrible things to your mind—AKA drain it of all lucid thought. I can’t focus on anything other than the tight suction around the head of my cock. The exploratory path of Grace’s tongue as she licks her way up and down my shaft before sucking on the tip again.

One hand instinctively tangles in her hair, trembling as I cup the back of her head to bring her closer. She moans, and the sound vibrates through me, a seductive promise that sends me teetering closer to the edge.

Christ. I have no idea how long she kneels there working me over, but suddenly I’m consumed with the need to touch her. To run my hands all over her body and drive her as crazy as she’s driving me right now.

With a strangled noise, I pull out of her mouth and haul her to her feet. Then I’m kissing her again, frantically clawing at her clothes until she’s naked. Oh, sweet Jesus, she’s naked. How the hell, in the span of five minutes, did I let this get so out of control?

But I can’t f*cking stop. I can’t stop kissing her. I can’t stop squeezing her tits. I can’t stop myself from leading her to the bed and lowering my body on top of her. My cock is pinned between our bodies, a heavy weight on her flat stomach, and the base of it grinds against her clit as we kiss so deeply it’s like we’re trying to swallow each other up.

Stop this, a sharp voice reprimands.

Hell, I can’t. I want her too much.

Stop. This.

Yup, that voice is my conscience, trying to prevent me from making a serious mistake. So why can’t I listen to it? Why can’t I—

Grace breaks the kiss and looks up at me with hazy brown eyes, and suddenly all her bravado is gone. The confident, sexy woman who mauled me at the door has transformed into a shy, blushing girl who says, “Um, so…listen…I’ve never had sex before.”

Oh f*ck.

Those five words crack my heart in two.

Son of a bitch. No way. There is absolutely no way I can do this to her.

Fooling around with her when I know I’m going to end it? Reprehensible. But taking her virginity? Unforgivable.

Oh, and my place in hell? Still solidly secured.

Silence stretches between us as I struggle for the right words to say. Which is damn difficult when we’re both naked. When my dick’s so hard it could cut a diamond in half.

She lets out a shaky breath. “Is that a problem for you?”

I open my mouth.

And say, “Yes.”

Grace looks startled. “What?”

“I mean, no. There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin. But…we can’t do this.” I stumble off the bed with as much grace as a newborn foal. Seriously, my legs are wobbling all over the place as I hurriedly scan the room for my pants.

I can feel her watching me. Her eyes boring into me. I don’t want to look over because I know she’s still naked, but I can’t stop myself from sneaking a peek, and her hurt expression rips my chest apart.

“I’m sorry,” I say roughly. “I can’t do this. This is your first time, and you deserve something—someone—so much better than me for your first time.”

She doesn’t utter a word, but even in the darkness, I can see the deep flush on her cheeks. And she’s biting her lower lip as if she’s trying not to cry.

Her silence deepens the guilt coursing through my veins. “I’m in such a f*cked up place right now. I have a lot of fun with you, but…” I swallow. “I can’t give you anything serious.”

She finally speaks, her voice tight and laced with embarrassment. “I’m not asking you to marry me, Logan.”

“I know. But sex…sex is serious, okay? Especially for a virgin.” I trip over the words, feeling like a total *. “You don’t want to do this with me, Grace. I’m screwed in the head, and I guess I’ve been trying to distract myself from all the bullshit in my life, and trying to get over someone else, and—”

“Someone else?” she interrupts, and now there’s a thread of anger in her tone. “You’re interested in someone else?”

“Yes. No,” I say quickly. Then I groan. “I thought I was, and maybe I still am. I don’t know, okay? All I know is that this girl has had me tied up in knots for months, and it’s not fair to you if we…do this…when I…” I trail off, too confused and uncomfortable to go on.