The Memory of You (Sanctuary Sound #1)(80)
Steffi bit back the snide remark that raced through her thoughts. She wouldn’t be goaded into doing or saying anything that might hurt Emmy or Ryan.
“I know what you’re thinking, you know. You think I’ve abandoned her and so I must be a terrible mother. But it’s not true. I was a good mother . . . and wife. I put myself and my needs last for ten years. Supported Ryan, cared for Emmy, ran the house, worked odd jobs to help bring in money.” Val glanced out the window toward Molly’s garden. “Not that it mattered to him.”
“If you’re looking to justify your boyfriend, I’m the wrong audience, Val.”
“Well, listen to you—so full of judgment. You have no idea about my marriage or me. Anything you think you know is filtered through Ryan’s perspective, which remains tainted by what you did to him.”
That remark struck hard enough that Steffi nearly rubbed her jaw from the blow. Fortunately, life with three brothers had taught her to recover quickly. “We’re all grown-ups now. Don’t blame me for your problems.”
“Blame? There’s plenty of that to go around. All I’m saying is that I’m not a bad person.” Val sighed. “Bitter. Depressed. But not evil. Not heartless.”
Steffi scraped mud along a joint, hoping Val would take the hint and go wait for Emmy in the living room.
Val, however, would not be deterred. “I met John at a party, and Ryan had noticed the attention John paid me. I thought if Ryan was jealous, maybe he really cared. I hoped if I made him more jealous, he’d realize that he didn’t want to lose me. A stupid plan, in hindsight. When it didn’t work, it became hard to walk away from a man who actually noticed me. Who was interested in what I had to say and put me first.”
“I’m not your priest, and this isn’t a confessional.” Steffi shook her head, wishing she hadn’t heard any of that. She preferred to view Val as the bad guy, but if this kept up, she’d have to acknowledge her as merely another flawed, sometimes lonely, human, much like herself. “This has nothing to do with me.”
Val crossed her arms, scoffing. “It has everything to do with you.”
“How do you figure that?” Steffi asked.
“If you’d been at BC, you’d know the answer.” Val’s gaze went to the windows again. “I remember the first time I met Ryan at a party. So handsome and sweet. Every girl on campus was after him but, my God, was he faithful to you. For two years, other girls tried to seduce him despite the fact that he was dating you . . . but I didn’t. I waited. I always sensed he cared more for you than you did him, and that it would only be a matter of time before your relationship ended.” She snapped her gaze back to Steffi. “I was right, wasn’t I?”
Val mesmerized Steffi like a snake charmer. The answers to so many of her questions about that dark time dangled before her like the apple in the Garden of Eden. All she had to do was keep quiet. Not a strength of hers, unfortunately.
“I did love Ryan,” Steffi said. “I was very young, though. Not near ready for a lifelong commitment.”
“And so off you went without a word, never looking back.” Val’s accusatory tone put Steffi in her place. “If you’d seen the damage you did, maybe you would’ve been too ashamed to be here now, pushing your way back into his life. That fall he lost so much weight and went on a weeks-long drinking bender. He was a wreck, struggling to focus on school and soccer, but I was there for him. I listened. I baked for him and took walks with him. Let him cry on my shoulder. I gave him everything I had—everything.
“When we first got together, I knew he wasn’t quite over you. Still, I believed that, eventually, he’d see me for who I was, not just as your standin. That day never came. Not even when I was pregnant. He tried, I’ll give him that. But I could never quite take your place in his heart . . .”
“It wasn’t a competition. Ryan loved you. He married you and started a family.” Even as she said the words, she couldn’t lie to herself. Ryan had so much as confessed this very truth to her on those bleachers. “I’m sorry for hurting him, and I’m sorry, for all of you, that things didn’t turn out better. But you can’t blame me for everything that happened once you two got together.”
“I don’t blame you for all of it,” Val huffed. “Tell me the truth, though. Are you hoping to win him back?”
“I don’t owe you an answer.”
Val stepped closer. “I deserve one, especially because it will affect my daughter.”
“Did your boyfriend have to answer to your husband?” Steffi shot back, then closed her eyes, wishing she’d held her tongue.
Luckily, Emmy rushed back into the room, putting an end to the conversation. “I’m all clean now, Mommy.”
Val’s tense expression instantly transformed into a cheerful smile.
“There’s my little beauty.” Val gathered Emmy into her arms for a big squeeze. Then she amassed Emmy’s hair in her hands and sighed. “If you find a comb, I’ll pull these messy curls into a French braid.”
Emmy’s expression faltered. “All right.”
Steffi hated the way Val treated Emmy like a baby doll. Before she could dwell on that, Ryan stormed into the room.
He looked gorgeous in his faded jeans and black sweater. Steffi’s heart skittered from the collision of lust and fearful anticipation of what might happen next. He spared Steffi the briefest glance before turning on Val.