The Memory of You (Sanctuary Sound #1)(17)
“I’m not asking you to feel sorry. I’m not asking you to feel anything, Claire. I just thought you should know so you don’t think that I’m keeping things from you.” She leaned against the counter and stared at her friend’s profile. “I’m going to New York to meet her for lunch on Sunday.”
Claire snapped her gaze to Steffi. “Surely you don’t expect me to come with you.”
“Maybe I’d hoped . . .”
“Don’t hope. And don’t you dare put guilt on me.” Claire’s blue eyes filled with tears. “A maniac with a gun stole tennis from me, but I rebuilt a life here. A quiet life, but a good one. I was happy. I fell in love. I thought I had a marriage and kids in my near future. Then Peyton took it all away. She did that to me . . .” Claire swiped her cheek. “I get that Todd was a bastard, but she was my friend. One of my best friends! I’ll never forgive what she did to me.”
The sharp ache in Claire’s voice kept Steffi from pressing. The distinctions that Peyton didn’t know Todd was Claire’s boyfriend when she first met him at the coffee shop and that she didn’t act on her attraction to Todd until after the breakup were meaningless to Claire. They had, however, been the facts that had kept Steffi from cutting Peyton out of her life, too.
She stroked Claire’s arm. “I worry that holding on to this anger hurts you more than it helps.”
“I’ve lost my appetite.” Claire moved away from her and the sink. Usually Claire ate her way through the kitchen when she got upset. Steffi had never seen anything kill Claire’s appetite until today. “I think I’ll take a shower and read for a while.”
Claire often retreated into a book when she didn’t want to deal with reality. She had been doing that since childhood, which explained the overstuffed bookshelves throughout their small home. Everything from Soul Surfer to Lean In to The Duke and I was on those shelves. She loved those rogue dukes.
Funny enough, prior to meeting Peyton, Todd hadn’t struck Steffi as a playboy. He’d been a rather quiet local newspaper editor and Scrabble fanatic. Affectionate with Claire. In fact, Steffi had no clue why Peyton had fallen so hard for him, unless it was due to his utter fascination with her.
“Okay. I’ll fix you a plate in case you get hungry later.” Steffi sighed.
Claire nodded and then disappeared. Steffi heard Rosie thumping its way up the stairs. Then the pipes creaked once Claire turned on the water.
Steffi collapsed against the refrigerator and rubbed her forehead. She wasn’t hungry, either. In fact, she needed to run. Far and fast, if possible. She dug her phone out of her pocket as soon as she finished making Claire a sandwich. “Benny . . . meet you in ten minutes for seven quick miles?”
“Sure. Come to me this time. We’ll start here.”
“Good, actually. Let’s work Hightop Road into the route.” Might as well try to see if she could get a peek at the house that could be her next job.
Forty minutes later, her pulse hammered to the rhythm of her feet against the pavement. Normally, long runs cleared her head, but no matter how hard she pushed tonight, she couldn’t outrun her concern for Peyton. Concern that mingled with misty flashbacks of her own weakened mother wearing colorful scarves while putting on a brave face for her kids. Steffi had boxed those up and stowed them under her bed, occasionally using one to tie a pretty bow around a vase of flowers she would leave on her mom’s grave at Christmas.
Her legs grew heavier as her thoughts darkened. She shook her head to clear those images. When she neared the top of Hightop Road, she noticed a beautiful old shingle-style home with a “Sold” sign in its yard and stopped. The sizable home—maybe thirty-five hundred square feet or so—had a wraparound porch and widow’s walk. She couldn’t tell from the front, but from this location, she suspected there were water views from the back of the home. If they got to remodel a kitchen and bathrooms, this could be a profitable job.
Benny caught up to her and stopped. “Jesus, you’re on a tear. What are you running from today?”
It both irked and comforted her that he understood her that well. “Just checking out this house. Might be a new client soon.”
Benny glanced at the house, then back at her, his head tipped to one side. “Nice, but you weren’t sprinting all this way just to get a look at this house. What’s wrong?”
“Oh, life.” She attempted a smirking kind of smile.
He yanked her ponytail. “Don’t pull that shit with me. Spill. Is it Ryan? Has he been giving you a hard time?”
“No. It’s Peyton.” She blinked rapidly, standing on the side of the road, fighting the tears forming. Tucking her arms at her sides, she shuffled her feet while staring at the ground. “She’s sick. Cancer.”
“Aw, shit. Really?” He paled. Cancer brought up bad memories for him, too. She half suspected those same memories were why two of her brothers had left town and rarely came home. Lockwoods were natural-born runners, after all. A second later Benny reached out and pulled her into a hug. “I’m sorry, sis.”
His broad chest and strong arms comforted her, despite the sweaty shirt against her cheek. She released the fear and sorrow that crashed over her in waves, like the ocean far below, and nestled into the security of her brother’s love.
The wordless support reminded her of earlier, when Ryan had kept her from falling. She’d wanted to cling to him then, not just because of Peyton, but because he embodied her lost innocence, lost love, and everything she wished she had back in her life. But Ryan had made his general disdain for her clear, so she’d pushed away from him even though she’d needed to be held more than she’d needed anything in a long time.