The Luck of the Bride (The Cavensham Heiresses #3)(98)
“What are you saying?” Caustic, his words burned her ears. Another roll of emotion swept through her. Like water on the verge of boiling, her irritation started to simmer into little pops of anger.
He lifted one brow in that provoking manner like every other arrogant English lord. “I’m not here to argue. As I said before—”
A searing pain twisted around her heart smothering some of her anger. He actually believed she’d been disloyal to him. What else could he think? At Langham Hall, all the circumstances had baked into a concoction of proof that made all his nightmares come true.
She drew in a gasp to quell the misery. “I didn’t betray your trust,” she whispered fervently, hoping he’d believe her. “I guarded it. Don’t you see that?”
It was the only thing she wanted from him. His belief she wouldn’t hurt him. She could never forsake him—not for any amount of money.
“I don’t know what I see.” He turned and studied the hill. In profile, the clench of his jaw was evidence of his own pain and anger. He cleared his throat and returned his attention to her. “I’m still responsible for your siblings. We’ll have to discuss their welfare from time to time. Let us make this right between us.” He was practically shouting at her with an indignation that matched hers. Perhaps it was agony she heard vibrate in his voice. “We shall still marry.”
“Why would you want to?” She knew the answer, but wanted to hear it from his lips. He didn’t love her, but his honor demanded he take her as his wife.
“It’s the honorable thing to do.”
She sighed and the wind captured her despair and threw it into the air. “Don’t worry. If there’s a child, I’ll take care of it. A bastard having a bastard isn’t uncommon. No one will know in the States.”
“Bloody hell,” he roared. “You’ve cut me deep enough. What else do you want from me? Every spec of blood?”
“I could say the same to you,” she shot back. I want you to love me. Though she thought it, she didn’t dare utter it. Whatever chances she had for love, she lost yesterday. She closed her eyes, desperate for equilibrium. “Please don’t do this.”
“What have I done to you? You’re the one who appears to have taken advantage of my family and me. Can’t you see how difficult this is for me?” He clasped her arms and shook as if gently trying to dislodge the truth. “Do you know what would make this right? If you were in my bed and in my arms, I’d kiss you senseless while we made love.” He shook his head in disgust and let her go. “That’s the only logical thing I’ve understood in the last two days. Perhaps we’d find our way out of this nightmare.”
For a moment, her heart pounded, encouraging her to forget everything and take what he offered. The comfort she needed would be so easy to take. However, she’d only fool herself. The next morning, she’d find him questioning her again. Examining her. In her heart, the harsh truth wouldn’t quiet. Inevitably, the doubt in his eyes would tear her apart piece by piece until there was nothing left. His lack of trust would whittle away what remained of her self-respect.
Even though her heart might not survive, she’d made the best decision for them both.
She’d done this to herself—undermined her own happiness. If she stayed at Lawson Court, her taint would ruin her family. Boston was the only option. She’d find a new life until she could return. Once her sisters married, she’d come back for Bennett.
His pointed stare captured hers as he closed the distance between them. It’d take little for him to vanquish the scant resistance she clung to as a lifeline. He grabbed her without apology and crushed her to him as his lips met hers in a blinding kiss full of anger and passion. Her knees buckled under the assault of his possession, but he wouldn’t let her go. He devoured her and what little resistance she had left. His tongue fought with hers. Yearning for more, she moaned, all her fight withering. The sound seemed to increase his hunger for her. Holding her tightly, he dominated every inch of her until his kiss softened almost as if pleading with her.
Suddenly, he drew back and fought for air as he regarded her. “If you go to Boston, it’s admitting your guilt.”
She scoffed her denial and fought to get her traitorous body under control. His kisses had robbed her of the ability to think. “Don’t manipulate me. I don’t want you like this.”
“You may not want me, but your kiss and your body tell me differently.” His hoarse whisper slashed through her resolve. “When you started your embezzling perhaps you thought you could manipulate me. Perhaps you saw how easy it would be to gain my fortune. Tell me, did I mistake genuine affection for subterfuge?”
Reeling from his kiss, her disloyal body leaned into his as if recognizing that he was hers. She straightened to her full height and found the words to challenge his hateful question. “Don’t you know? Look at your household accounting book.”
“The account book.” His guttural laugh sliced through her. The contempt clear in the cold air. “Thank you for reminding me of my failures. I don’t need it, nor shall I waste any more time on that tripe.”
His vitriol made her recoil. There it was. The push she needed—the knowledge that her heart hadn’t wanted to accept. She’d made the right choice to go with Hart. He didn’t care what she’d said about loving him and keeping his secrets safe. He only cared about his honor and duty. “Yesterday you said sometimes hard decisions must be made. I understand what you mean.” She lowered her voice. “I’ve made the hardest decision I’ve ever made in my life. Go back to London, Michael.”