The Lost Duke of Wyndham (Two Dukes of Wyndham, #1)(80)

Grace kept her face utterly serene as she allowed Lord Crowland (who had caught the latter half of the conversation and told Grace she was mad) to help her up. She took her prescribed seat - facing backward, as far from the dowager as possible - and folded her hands neatly in her lap. She did not know how long they would be sitting here; the others had not seemed quite ready to quit their lunch.

The dowager was looking out the window; Grace kept her eyes on her hands. Every now and then she'd steal a glance up, and every time, the dowager was still turned away, her posture hard and stiff, her lips pinched tight.

And then - perhaps the fifth time Grace looked up - the dowager was staring straight at her.

"You disappoint me," she said, her voice low - not quite hiss, but something close to it.

Grace held her silence. She held everything, it seemed - her posture, her breath. She did not know what to say, except that she would not apologize. Not for having the audacity to reach out for happiness.

"You were not supposed to leave."

"I was but a servant, ma'am."

"You were not supposed to leave," the dowager said again, but this time something within her seemed to shake. Not quite her body, and not quite her voice.

Her heart, Grace realized with a shock. Her heart was shaking.

"He is not what I expected," the dowager said.

Grace blinked, trying to follow. "Mr. Audley?"

"Cavendish," the dowager said sharply.

"You did not know that he existed," Grace said, as gently as she was able. "How could you have expected anything?"

The dowager did not answer. Not that question, anyway. "Do you know why I took you into my home?"

she asked instead.

"No," Grace said softly.

The dowager's lips pressed together for a moment before she said, "It was not right. A person should not be alone in this world."

"No," Grace said again. And she believed it, with her whole heart.

"It was for the both of us. I took a terrible thing and turned it into good. For both of us." Her eyes narrowed, boring into Grace's. "You were not supposed to leave."

And then - good heavens, Grace could not believe she was saying it, but: "I will come visit you, should you wish."

The dowager swallowed, and she looked straight ahead when she said, "That would be acceptable."

Grace was saved from further reply by the arrival of Amelia, who informed them that they would depart momentarily. And indeed, she'd had barely enough time to settle into her seat when the carriage wheels creaked into motion, and they began to roll forward.

No one spoke.

It was better that way.

Several hours later, Grace opened her eyes.

Amelia was staring at her. "You fell asleep," she said quietly, then put her finger to her lips as she motioned to the dowager, who had also dozed off.

Grace covered a yawn, then asked, "How much longer do you think we have until we get there?"

"I don't know." Amelia gave a little shrug. "Perhaps an hour? Two?" She sighed then, and leaned back.

She looked tired, Grace thought. They were all tired.

And scared.

"What will you do?" Grace asked, before she had the chance to think better of it.

Amelia did not open her eyes. "I don't know."

It was not much of an answer, but then again, it hadn't been a fair question.

"Do you know what the funniest part of it is?" Amelia asked quite suddenly.

Grace shook her head, then remembered that Amelia's eyes were still closed and said, "No."

"I keep thinking to myself, 'This isn't fair. I should have a choice. I should not have to be traded and bartered like some sort of commodity.' But then I think, 'How is this any different? I was given to Wyndham years ago. I never made a complaint.'"

"You were just a baby," Grace said.

Still, Amelia did not open her eyes, and when she spoke, her voice was quiet and full of recrimination. "I have had many years to lodge a complaint."

"Amelia - "

"I have no one to blame but myself."

"That's not true."

Amelia finally opened her eyes. One of them, at least. "You're just saying that."

"No, I'm not. I would," Grace admitted, because it was true. "But as it happens, I am telling the truth. It isn't your fault. It's not anyone's fault, really." She took a breath. Let it out. "I wish it were. It would be so much easier that way."

"To have someone to blame?"

"Yes."

And then Amelia whispered, "I don't want to marry him."

"Thomas?" Grace asked. Amelia had spent so long as his fiancee, and they did not seem to have any great affection for one another.

Amelia looked at her curiously. "No. Mr. Audley."

"Really?"

"You sound so shocked."

"No, of course not," Grace said hurriedly. What was she to say to Amelia - that she was so desperately in love with him herself that she could not imagine anyone not wanting him? "It's just that he's so handsome," she improvised.

Amelia gave a little shrug. "I suppose."

She supposed? Hadn't she ever seen him smile?