The Lies That Bind(22)

But I do hear him, loud and clear, when he raises his voice and says, “Because of some guy you’ve known for a month?”

“Yeah. No. Sort of. I don’t know—it’s more complicated than that,” I say, all twisted up inside.

“Is it?” he says. “How?”

“It’s him, yes,” I say, thinking about how effortless things feel with Grant. “But it’s also…I don’t know….Maybe we weren’t right together….Maybe I was forcing something that wasn’t meant to be.”

“You were forcing the timing—not the relationship,” he says.

“Maybe…or maybe you just couldn’t love me the way I need to be loved.”

I start to add more—that maybe I don’t love him the way he needs to be loved, either, but he’s now shouting. “And he does? Some guy you just met? This is insane.”

    I look at him, knowing how foolish it sounds. And maybe it is foolish. I guess time will tell.

When I don’t answer, Matthew shakes his head, his face now red. “Wow. Sounds like you found quite the womanizer.”

“Whatever, Matthew,” I say, a little pissed now myself, but determined not to let this devolve into a fight.

“Whatever is right,” he says, getting to his feet and staring me down, his eyes blazing. “Enjoy your summer fling. Don’t come crawling back to me when it’s over by Labor Day.”

I start to reply—to tell him I really don’t want us to end on such a sour note—but before I can, he turns and stalks away. As I stare at his back, so straight and stiff, I can’t help wondering why I never saw this kind of passion while we were together.





    JUNE 13



Dear Cecily,

Byron and I are at the gate at JFK, about to board. I just wanted to thank you for a beautiful night. I’ll never forget our sunrise and the way you looked in that soft light of morning. I will email you again when I can, on the other side of the pond. Until then…

Love,

Grant

JUNE 13



Dear Grant,

Last night was incredible. I keep replaying every moment, along with all of our moments over the past month. It’s been unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. I’m going to miss you so much, but am hopeful for you and your brother. What you’re doing for him is nothing short of amazing. He’s so lucky to have you. And I’m lucky to have you, too. Safe travels.

Love,

Cecily

     JUNE 14



Cecily,

I’m really sorry about our last conversation, at least how it ended. What you do and who you see are no longer any of my business. I was out of line and truly do want you to be happy. I was just hurt that you got over us so quickly. I really would have liked another chance because I think we had something special. Maybe one day. Or maybe one day we can at least be friends. I think the world of you, I really do.

Matthew

JUNE 15



Matthew,

Thank you for your note. I think the world of you, too, and will always cherish the years we spent together. We really had some great memories. As for being friends, I would love for that to happen one day, but I think it’s too hard right now. We both need some time. I hope you have a great summer. Let’s talk again in September.

Cecily

JUNE 15



<FWD>

Scottie. See below. Ugh.

<Message from Matthew>

JUNE 15



Classic. He’s just trying to guilt-trip you. Don’t fall for it. You have the upper hand! Keep it! Don’t write back!!! Silence is power! Call when you can! Scottie.

     JUNE 16



Too late. I already wrote back. And besides, I don’t want power. I just want it to be over. And maybe one day a friendship, too. Matthew really is a great guy; he just wasn’t right for me. I’ll call you later, up against a deadline. XO, C

JUNE 17



Cecily, I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to write. As expected, my BlackBerry and cellphone don’t work over here, and I’m also having trouble getting a connection on my laptop at the hotel. I’m currently writing to you at an Internet café, surrounded by the most annoying college girls. Anyway, things are good so far. Byron’s trial doesn’t start until Thursday, so we’ve just been hanging out together, getting acclimated. He’s in pretty good spirits, and has been feeling well enough to check a few things out. Yesterday we went to Trafalgar Square for a lunchtime concert at St. Martin-in-the-Fields, then a brief visit to the National Portrait Gallery. Afterward, we just sat in the square by the lion statues at Nelson’s Column, people-watching. I thought of you pretty much the whole time. I’d love to be here with you. I’d love to be anywhere with you. I can’t make it through the summer without seeing your face. Just telling you that right now.

Love,

Grant

JUNE 17



Grant,

It’s SO good to hear from you. I’m happy to hear that things are going well so far and that you’ve had a chance to see some of London. As I think I told you, I’ve never been. But I’ve read a lot of books set there, and I love hearing details, especially through your eyes. Please keep sharing. Where are you staying? What’s the weather been like? Have you seen the queen yet? :-)