The Last Letter(81)

“You’re positive you can handle the desk?”

I gave her a grin and winked. “I’ve got this.” And I did. Maybe Ella and the kids were the only ones I really connected with, but I’d come a long way with the general public in the last four months.

Hailey grabbed Ella’s hand and pulled her out of the house, sputtering, stunned face and all.

I made a mental note to wink at the woman more often.





Chapter Eighteen


Ella


Letter #4

Ella,

Your kids are awesome. Seriously. I guess laughing probably isn’t the right reaction to that story, but come on. That kid got his butt kicked by not just one but both of your kids. You’re raising a couple badasses. Sorry, but that’s actually the best word to describe them after that story.

As for kids of my own? Not sure that’s in the cards for me. Not because I don’t like kids. I honestly do. They’re brutally honest, which is a trait usually lost by adulthood. But, I wouldn’t know the first thing about being a dad, since I didn’t have one. Maybe that’s a good thing, since I don’t have a bad example of fatherhood, either, but really, the only examples of dads I have in my life came from television.

I’d be too scared I’d screw up a kid.

But if I knew what I was doing? Yeah, kids would be great. I’ve never been the guy with the toss-the-football fantasy, but I could definitely picture something like that. I honestly don’t think about it, or anything in the future, really. When you want something, or have a dream, you have something to lose. I’m not a fan of being put in the position to lose anything. Not to say that I’m not a little reckless, but only with myself and the things I can control.

It’s wanting something that gets you into trouble. Wanting makes you discontent, when I need to be grateful for what I do have. I learned that lesson young. I like to think it makes me a better person—being content with what I have—but I hear your brother talk about you, and your family, and I wonder sometimes if maybe that lack of want is really a small form of cowardice. In that way, you’re much braver than I am. You have the ability to love beyond yourself, to risk your heart every day through your kids.

I respect that as much as I envy it.

Also, tell Maisie the next time a guy comes after her, she needs to go for the nuts. Little bullies grow up to be big bullies.

~ Chaos

…

“He winked at me,” I told Hailey as I tried on the lavender dress. “Winked.”

I loved the man, was seconds away from sharing my kids with him, and he’d winked at me. Pretty sure I’d hovered on the edge of an orgasm from that alone. Since when did he turn on the charm? And where had that charm been the last four months?

Broody Beckett, I adored.

Protective, playful Beckett, I loved.

But that Beckett who winked and kissed my palm? Yeah, I was lucky I hadn’t spontaneously combusted and burned down my business.

“So you’ve told me about a dozen times since we left the house. A few times at the salon, at least once during pedicures, and six or seven times while we were getting waxed. Did you see the ‘these rooms are for the quiet relaxation of others’ sign? Pretty sure we’re never going to be allowed back at that spa.” She flipped through her phone.

“Whatever. I’ve just never seen that side of him. He was all…”

“Flirtatious?” she asked, looking up. “Ooh, I like that one. Your boobs look great.”

I ran my finger along the neckline. “It’s not too much?”

“Nope. It’s retro hot. You look like a fifties housewife who gets her kink on in the bedroom.”

I rolled my eyes but moved my hips so the bell of the knee-length dress swished lightly. I loved the halter neck, the sparkly belt that defined my waist, and even the slight plunge of the neckline. Mostly, I relished the feeling I had being in the dress, that I was a woman, curved and soft and freshly pampered.

“I think I’m going to get it.”

“Beckett is going to lose his fool mind.” She hopped up and walked around the dressing room pedestal, appraising the lines of the dress. “Yep. This is going to end up on the bedroom floor.”

“Sure it will. Mine.”

“Seriously?” Hailey popped a hip and shot me a more than exasperated look.

“He’s afraid that being more than…whatever we are, would potentially screw us in the long term, and with the kids involved, and the Ryan stuff…” I shrugged.

“So walk into his room naked. That’ll change his mind.”

“Are you out of your mind? Why would I do that? I’ve had sex with one guy, Hailey. One. And that was seven years ago. To tell you the truth, it didn’t exactly ring my bell.”

“Because he probably didn’t know where to find your bell.”

I shook my head and smoothed the soft purple fabric beneath my newly manicured fingers. “It doesn’t matter. Beckett isn’t interested in me like that, and quite frankly, I shouldn’t even be having this discussion. I have bigger issues to worry about.”

I stepped off the podium and headed for the dressing room, leaving Hailey outside.

“He hasn’t slept with anyone since he’s been here, did you know that?” she asked through the slats in the door.