The Last Letter(33)

“I get that. And I understand what you’re doing here. Hell, I admire you for it. It’s the ultimate sacrifice, and I have nothing but respect for you. But I know this…situation won’t go on forever. I don’t want you to turn around and regret this choice.”

I shot him a look that clearly said I wasn’t going to, but he kept going.

“What if I told you that due to the nature of our unit, I have the ability to place you on a kind of temporary disabled list?”

“I’m sorry?”

Havoc brought the Kong back, but I saw the exhaustion in her eyes and motioned for her to lie down. She’d fetch that thing until she dropped unless I gave her the signal, so I gave it.

“It’s not what you think. You’re not…disabled. But it was the only way the higher-ups and I could think to give you an out, here.”

“And the fact that nothing is wrong with me?”

“I think we both know that’s not true,” he said, looking back across at the island. “Look, in the last ten years, you’ve never taken leave.”

“And?”

“And you’re exhausted. Mentally and physically exhausted. So on that basis, the paperwork’s been done. You just have to sign it.”

“I’m not coming back.”

“Not now. But this gives you a year to think it over—longer if you need it. We can extend up to five. Pay, benefits, and easy reentry when you’re ready.”

“I already have a job.” I motioned to my shirt.

“Not one where you make the kind of difference that you do with us. You’re family, Gentry, and you’ll always be welcome. Signing those papers to accept doesn’t promise you’ll come back, it simply gives you the option, which you’re about to lose when your terminal leave ends. Or you sign the declination, and this offer dies immediately.” He stood and took a few steps forward, his eyes on the island. “He really was one of the best, wasn’t he?”

“He was the best of us.”

Donahue turned and walked by me, pausing to put his hand on my shoulder. “The papers are at the special ops center outside of Denver. I emailed you the info for the exact office about an hour ago.”

“What? Didn’t want to leave them here?”

“I figured if I left them here, you’d burn them before you considered what I’m trying to offer.”

I hated that he was right.

“It’s good to see you, Gentry. Rest up. Do what you can for Mac’s family, and when you’re done with his mission, come home.” He handed me Ryan’s letter and left without another word.

There was a flicker in my soul—the restlessness that had lain dormant for a couple of weeks coming back to life. The need to focus on one mission at a time and move on. His offer was temptation, and I couldn’t afford it, not when Ella needed me.

I threw together a bag for me and one for Havoc after checking my email to find the address. Best part of my current job was being on call only, not scheduled, and that didn’t officially start for another week anyway. If I left within the hour, I could be in Denver by ten or so, if the six hours it had taken me to get here was the usual time. In seven hours I could sign the declination and put an end to any thought of taking Donahue up on his offer. Besides, maybe the trip would cure that little bite of restlessness that had her teeth in me.

Twenty minutes later I walked into the main house, Havoc at my side.

“Mr. Gentry!” Hailey said, perking up as I walked toward her. She batted her lashes and leaned forward. “What can I do for you?”

She was exactly the kind of girl Mac would have gone for. Funny, gregarious, pretty, and interested.

But I was only Ella’s—even if she didn’t know it.

Be nice. Be civil. Use a softer tone. I repeated the reminders in my head, determined to make an effort with the people who mattered to Ella.

“I’m headed to Denver for a few days and just wanted to make sure you knew before I took off.”

“Oh, of course—” The phone rang, and she answered, holding up her finger at me. “Solitude, this is Hailey. Oh, hey, Ella. What?”

Now it was me leaning on the counter.

“Well, do you have to have it? Of course, I realize that. I just meant I could overnight it…”

“What is it?” I asked.

“She left Maisie’s big binder in the office,” she whispered, covering the receiver.

“Her medical one?” That was one thing Ella had at every appointment. It kept every record of her treatments, every written lab result…everything.

Hailey nodded. “I know, Ella, just let me see what I can do…”

I snatched the phone out of Hailey’s hand. “I’ll bring it to you. Have Hailey text me your room number at the hospital.” Before she could argue, I handed the phone back to Hailey. Turning toward the door, I saw Ada coming from the office with the binder in her outstretched hands.

“I heard. She’d just stopped in for a second this morning and left it behind.”

“I’ll take care of it,” I told her.

“I know you will,” she said. “Do you want us to keep Havoc for you?”

My first impulse was a hearty “hell no.” But then Colt’s head popped out of the dining area.