The Last Letter(18)

Path number two it is.

“He was there,” I answered honestly.

Her lower lip trembled, and she bit onto it, like any sign of weakness had to be quashed. “And? What happened?”

“That’s classified.” I was a bastard, but an honest one.

“Classified. You’re all the same, you know that? Loyal as anything to one another and nothing left for anyone else. Just tell me if he’s dead. I deserve to know.”

“Knowing what happened to Mac…to Chaos…none of that would do you any good. It would hurt a hell of a lot more than it already does. Trust me.”

She scoffed, shaking her head as she rubbed the bridge of her nose. When she looked back up, the fake smile was in place, and those blue eyes had gone glacial.

“Welcome to Telluride, Mr. Gentry. I hope you enjoy your stay.”

She climbed into the SUV and slammed the door, throwing the vehicle into reverse to get out of the drive.

I watched until she disappeared into the thick forest of trees.

Havoc brushed against my leg. I looked down at her, and she stared back up at me, no doubt knowing that I was an imbecile for what I’d just let happen.

“Yeah, that didn’t go so well.” I looked up at the cloudless Colorado sky. “We did a number on her, Mac. So if you’ve got any pointers on how to win over your sister, I’m all ears.”

I opened the tailgate of my truck and started to unload my stuff.

It might be temporary, but I was here for as long as Ella would let me stay. Because somewhere between letter number one and letter number twenty-four, I’d fallen in love with her. Fallen for her words, her strength, her insight and kindness, her grace under impossible circumstances, her love for her children, and her determination to stand on her own. I could list a thousand reasons that woman owned whatever heart I had.

But none of them mattered because, even though she was the woman I loved, to her, I was just a stranger. An unwelcome one at that.

Which was more than I deserved.





Chapter Six


Ella


Letter #17

Ella,

The pace is picking up here, which is half blessing, half curse. I’d rather be busy than bored, but busy comes with its own unique set of problems. We keep getting pushed back for redeployment, but hopefully we’ll get the okay soon, and I’ll be able to keep that date we set for a Telluride tour, if you’ll still have me. Warning, I’m bringing your brother, and lately, he smells.

At least the time is going faster, same as these letters. I find that I don’t even wait to get one from you before I’m writing again. Maybe it’s the simple act of putting pen to paper, of not seeing you react to what I’m writing that makes it so easy, almost effortless.

You asked where I’d settle down if I ever wanted to quit being…what was it you called me? A nomad? I don’t know, honestly. I’ve never found a place that called to me in any way that I could see as special. There were houses, apartments, barracks. Cities, suburbs, and one farm. I’ve been around the world, but traveling with this crew means that I only see the parts of the world that hurt the most.

I guess I want somewhere where I feel connected. Connected to the land, the people, the community. A place that sinks its hooks into me so deep that I have no choice but to let the roots grow. A place where the earth touches the sky in a way that makes me feel small without feeling insignificant or claustrophobic. Cities are out—remember, I’m not a people person—so maybe a small town, but not so tiny that you can’t get away from the mistakes you inevitably make. I’m a pro in the mistake category and have learned that people generally find it easier to kick me out than forgive.

As for the name thing, how about this: on the day I show up in Telluride to get the Colt-approved tour, I’ll tell you my full name. I’ve never hated an OPSEC policy as much as I do right now, but in a way it’s a little fun. I’ll be able to introduce myself to you, and in the meantime, you’ll wonder if every stranger who comes to your door might be me. One day, it will be.

And seriously. Christmas is in less than a month. Buy the kid a puppy. And hug Maisie for me. Let me know how chemo goes this month.

~ Chaos

…

“Who the hell does he think he is?” I snapped as the door slammed shut behind me. Maybe I slammed it. Whatever.

I let the anger flow through me, hoping it would overpower the grief welling up in my throat. Chaos had been with Ryan. A part of me had known already—seeing as his letters had stopped when Ryan died—but guessing and knowing felt incredibly different.

I lost Ryan and Chaos and had been handed Beckett Gentry like some kind of messed-up consolation prize with a hero complex.

For God’s sake, Ryan. You know I never needed saving.

“Who?” Ada asked, popping her head out of the kitchen.

I kicked off my muddy boots and headed toward Hailey, whose eyebrows would have been in her hairline if she could have jacked them up any higher.

“Gentry!”

“That is one giant bite of man candy, even with the one-word answers,” Hailey said, flipping another page in her Cosmo magazine.

I snorted, half at her opinion and half at the fact that she still read Cosmo. That she was still in a phase of life where Cosmo held the secrets of the universe. I’d moved on to Good Housekeeping and Professional Women’s Magazine, where there were no quizzes on how to tell if he was into you.