The Last Dragon King (Kings of Avalier #1)(58)

Dr. Elsie stared at me with a deep sympathy that scared me, the sort of sympathy you gave before you told someone they had just lost a beloved.

I grasped my chest. “Are my mother and sister okay?”

“They’re fine,” Drae said, letting the book fall to his waist.

“King Valdren was just telling us of your plans to marry…” Dr. Elsie said, peering at the elderly advisor. I couldn’t be sure but I thought it was he who had advised Drae to just kill me. Dr. Elsie went on: “I knew that you would be the next best option in terms of magic, so I did some research after you left.”

I hated that she was constantly evaluating the fitness of my magical womb. “And…?” I asked.

“I’ll speak to her alone,” Drae suddenly said, and Dr. Elsie stiffened, still staring at the advisor, who looked like he was barely alive. Seriously, how old was that dude?

They scurried away and Drae turned to face me.

“Just tell me,” I begged him. “I’ve lost Joslyn and Regina. Just… tell me. I don’t have the emotional capacity for games.”

He nodded.

“There is an old book that catalogues royal births. This one was hidden due to its nature… it discusses a royal birth between Eclipse clan and Dark Night clan a thousand winters ago.”

A thousand winters ago! Maybe our clans were friends back then, I didn’t know.

My hands started shaking, my eyes flicking over Drae’s shoulder as Elsie greeted three familiar faces in the distance.

That red-haired girl from Jade City? The blonde with the bad breath. These were girls he was courting before he chose Joslyn.

“Why are the girls back?” I asked.

Drae sighed. “After seeing this, she thought it prudent to call them. Kendal is on her way as well.” He winced.

Kendal! My heart nearly seized in my chest.

What the Hades was he talking about? I reached out and ripped the book from his hands, looking down at the open page, and gasped.

The first line was in bold. Baby severely deformed, lived only hours.

Then I read the next line.

Hypothesis: Mother’s Eclipse clan magic consumed the Dark Night clan magic, killing the child.

I didn’t even know I was crying until the tears fell onto the page and wet the words.

“I can’t lose another child.” Drae’s voice was broken.

I nodded, folded the book, and handed it back to him.

He grasped the edges of my face and forced me to look at him. “But I still want you.”

I glanced over at the other girls. They were all talking to Annabeth and Dr. Elsie, waiting on the king no doubt.

“If I cannot give you a child, then you should not pick me,” I told him truthfully. “The future of all of Embergate depends on that.”

He frowned, peering over his shoulder to stare at the girls and then back at me. “What if I still married you… but I lay with them?”

I gasped.

“Purely to have a child—once pregnant I would stop. The magic of my people only needs me to have an heir. It doesn’t care if that child is a bastard or not.”

“You’re asking me to marry you knowing you will have mistresses?” I was so hurt I couldn’t even think straight.

He shook his head. “I’m asking you to spend the rest of your life with me, allowing me to bed those women once or twice in order to save thousands of lives.”

I frowned. “Bed all of them?”

Not Kendal. Please not Kendal.

He swallowed hard. “Dr. Elsie thinks it will give me the best chance at success.”

I chewed the inside of my lip to keep from crying as bile rose in my throat. “What you’re asking feels impossible… but I’ll think about it. I’d like to be alone now.” I ripped my face out of his hands and then took off running through the practice fields.

“Arwen!” he yelled, but didn’t come after me.

Bed three women while married to me? And not just once. It took months to get pregnant, and then if the baby died he would continue until he had a living heir.

It was hard to believe that just hours ago he was confessing his love to me and saying he wanted me to be his queen, and now he wanted to sleep with my friends? I couldn’t process it.

But part of my mind thought back to my mother and what she told me about my father’s seed. Was this any different than what my father had allowed to get Adaline?

Not really.

My feet pounded the grass as I cut through a lavender farm, my chest heaving with grief. I mourned the loss of three people. Joslyn. Regina. And now Drae.

The pureness that a marriage between us might have held would be defiled with three mistresses. Would he bed them and then sneak in to sleep by my side? Would he fall in love with one of them in the process?

If Drae and I were at risk of having a child who wouldn’t even live more than a few hours, it meant that he’d never bed me! I’d die with my purity while my husband slept with half the realm.

No. I can’t.

A sob ripped from my throat, startling me. I hadn’t realized how much I’d allowed myself to envision a life with him. How much I’d grown to care for him and see myself by his side. I didn’t know where I was going until I saw the small outcrop of weeping willows up ahead.

A resigned sigh escaped me as I ran to the comfort and devastation that those trees held. It was as if this small piece of land was a place you could fill with your sadness. Drae and Amelia filled it with the loss of their children. Then Drae filled it with the loss of her and another child. Now I would fill it with the loss of a future I would never have but was promised to me for a mere few hours. That’s all it took to break someone, a few hours of hope. When ripped away it left a gaping hole that felt impossible to fill.