The Hookup Handbook(52)
“Things with Ryder are . . . okay,” Sienna says slowly, choosing her words carefully. “It hasn’t been easy trying to talk to him. He was really worked up over this for a while. But we’ve talked, and I think at this point he’s willing to let it go and move on.”
“Good, I’m happy to hear that. Really happy, actually.”
“Thank you for apologizing,” she says softly.
“I mean it, Sienna. I really am sorry.”
She looks up at me then, searching my face for any hint of insincerity. I hold her gaze, my stomach doing its familiar backflip with those big blue eyes looking so intently into mine.
“There’s something else,” I say, breaking eye contact and looking down into my mug.
This is the big one. The thing I’ve been meaning to tell her for a while now, that I haven’t had a chance to say until this moment. My heart rate picks up as I look back at her, and she cocks her head to the side, genuinely unsure of what I’m about to say.
“Sienna, over the past couple weeks, I realized something. Something that changed everything. All that time we spent together, all those dinners, all those nights, all the long workdays where we made such a good team . . . I wasn’t just falling for you. I did fall for you. I’m in love with you. And it wasn’t until you broke things off between us that I realized exactly what that meant, or what it would be like to try and live without you in my life.”
“Case, I—”
“You don’t have to say anything right now. I’m not trying to pressure you into saying anything you don’t mean. I just . . . I was planning on telling you that the night your brother found out about us. I never got the chance to say it, and I wanted you to know. That’s all.”
“Okay. Well, thanks for letting me know, I guess.”
She shifts uncomfortably in her seat, her face still impossible to read. Sure, I was being honest when I said she didn’t have to say anything, but it would be nice if I had some sense of what she’s thinking.
After what feels like a century of silence, Sienna clears her throat, pushing her fingers through her hair. “So as far as continuing to help you goes, I’m flexible on whether I keep working for you or not. This doesn’t have to ruin our professional relationship, and I think, maybe, after a little time has passed, we could even be friends. Or not. It’s up to you, really. Totally your call.”
I nod, running my hand over the back of my neck. Are you fucking kidding me? She thinks I want to be friends with her? I just told her I love her, and she responds with “let’s be friends”?
“Sure, maybe. Whatever you want,” I say, my tone a little colder than I intend.
She frowns at me. “Well, I don’t know, Case, what do you think we should do? I’m trying to offer a solution here, which is more than you seem to be doing.”
“Friends? That’s the solution? After everything we’ve been through, you really think I just want to be friends?”
“I don’t know what the answer is, but at least I’m trying.”
I stare at her, unable to process how casual she’s being about all this.
Am I the only one who actually experienced everything? Did she really not feel anything for me, other than the pleasure I delivered between her legs?
And that’s when it hits me, harder and more devastating than any realization I’ve had in a long time.
“You don’t feel the same way. You never did. I was just a fling for you. God, I can’t believe I’ve been so stupid.”
She stares back at me, dumbfounded, a frustrated blush creeping over her chest and cheeks. “Are you kidding me, Case? I fell for you, so hard. It was terrifying.”
Her words hit me straight in the chest. “Then what? Where do we go from here?”
She looks down at her hands, twisting the gold ring on her index finger. “I knew that falling in love with you wasn’t something I should do. Even through all my emotions, I was smart enough to recognize that I couldn’t sit by and watch while you continued going out with other women.”
“When the fuck did I ever go out with other women?” I take a deep breath and start again, lowering my voice. “I gave that up the second I met you. Shit, my body quit even before that, like it was getting me ready for you. And I was ready for you. I still am.”
Her eyes lift to mine. “What are you saying?”
“I just told you I’m in love with you, and I haven’t slept with another woman—which was my job for years, I might add—the whole time we were together. I don’t know how much clearer I can be, Sienna.”
She sits back in her chair, her eyes wide, shimmering with unshed tears. She opens her mouth to speak, then closes it, shaking her head and staring at the ceiling. “This isn’t how I thought today was going to go.”
“What did you think I wanted to talk about?”
“I thought you wanted to smooth things over, maybe work on repairing your friendship with me and with Ryder.”
I can’t help it—I burst out laughing, but quickly pull it together when she knits her brows together at me.
Reaching across the table, I take her hand in mine, running my thumb softly over her knuckles. “Sienna, I want you. I’ve always wanted you. I want to be with you in whatever capacity you’ll have me.”