The Highlander's Secret(28)

“I already told ye, Jain, that’s never going to happen. I would bet my life on it.” Eamon cleared his throat when Moira left and moved close to tell Jain softly, “If ye do care about Alan the way I suspect, if ye’re willing to build a life with him, then ye have to tell him who ye really are. He should ken the truth. Nae marriage can have such dangerous secrets.”

The tenor of his voice felt like a gallon of ice water had been thrust upon her. A chill crept into her heart that had not been there before, fear at the risk of losing Alan. What would he do if he knew the truth about her? Would he accept it and love her all the same? Or would it change him, and ruin their time together?

She stared back into her father’s eyes. They bore into her with gentle insistence and knew he would not be denied.

Jain desperately wanted him to know the whole story of how she came to be here, about how her parents died, but the thought of losing the friendship and love they had for one another broke her heart into a thousand pieces.

No one, not even her mother knew the whole story of her heritage.

*

Jain lay awake in bed long after the others had gone to sleep, thinking about what her father said. Aileen’s gentle yet raspy breathing sounded quietly on the pallet beside her, the dark waves of her brunette hair spilled out across the pillow. Every now and then the girl would cough, causing Jain to frown. She worried the change in the weather was taking its toll on Aileen, bringing the ailment back again. Jain promised herself she’d make a mustard plaster in the morning and encourage her to rest. It was the only way to keep the illness from spreading. Part of her was still upset about what happened earlier.

Damn Conrad and his games.

She felt bad for having snapped at Alan earlier, and her father too. They were only trying to help. Her insides felt twisted up in knots and she couldn’t sleep. Eamon had suggested she tell Alan the truth about where she came from. In her heart of hearts, she knew that he was right. Alan deserved to know that truth. He deserved that and so much more.

It wasn’t fair for her to keep the secret from him.

At the same time, it was unsettling to think about how it might change things. She’d known Alan for a few years now. Telling him now after all they’d been through felt like more of a betrayal than if she’d been honest with him from the beginning.

She didn’t want him to feel betrayed, like she’d been lying to him all this time, but it was actually the truth. She and her father had gone to great lengths to keep that secret from the clan. Jain hated that it could potentially come between them. Perhaps she was in love with him like her parents said.

Jain didn’t know how she felt about him anymore. There wasn’t a word to describe it. All she knew was that it felt like pain when he wasn’t near her. If she went a day without talking to him, her soul became heavy and it could only be soothed by remedying the distance between them.

She’d never thought of him as a husband, more like an extension of herself.

It would be so easy for her to fall in love with him. She could see it all unfold in her mind’s eye. They’d settle down with a couple of bairns—raise a family. A lifetime could change a man, but would he always be so gentle and understanding? All of these questions racing through her mattered not, if his affection for her wasn’t strong enough to withstand the might of her secret. She was a Viking, enemy to Clan Gordon. Would his love give way beneath the weight of clan prejudice?

She cared for him, and she wanted him to understand the truth about her lineage. Jain went back and forth about it in her mind, whether or not to tell him. That was both thrilling and horrifying at the same time.

Alan deserved someone sweet and gentle who would be a good wife for him. Jain wasn’t either of those things. Her hair was in constant disarray and she was always saying the wrong thing. Even so, Alan didn’t seem to mind. He looked at her as if she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.





Chapter Thirteen


The next day, Jain made her way through the winding lanes of Elign with a basket resting on her hip. She’d fallen into a deep and restless sleep after her conversation with her parents. When she woke up Jain still had a lot to think about, so she decided to go for a walk to clear her head and restock a few supplies they’d run out of in the kitchen. They used to say that she’d been “kissed by fire” when they first brought her into the village. It was in reference to her hair, but Jain didn’t like the association – it reminded her too much of what happened along the coast.

Her shoes padded down the dirt path, past the cottages toward the keep in the center of the village.

Eventually, she came to the road where Bruce’s smithy was located. To avoid seeing Alan, she took one of the side streets that went along the kitchens instead. She kept thinking about what Eamon said, “If ye really care about him, then ye have to tell him who ye really are.”

He was right of course, but she didn’t know how to broach the subject.

As she came to the kitchen door along the back, she caught the smell of some meats pie and bannock that were cooling just inside. Out of habit Jain went inside to say, “hello”, and maybe steal a piece of bannock while she was in there.

Her hand was on the door when a conversation across the road pricked her ears. She angled her head towards the men to listen and heard them talking about a raid that had taken place.