The Grand Pact (The Grand Men #1)(72)

“Cheese?” I flick on her light with a smile as I kick open the door.

“Ell, I have work late tomorrow.”

“Then sleep all day.”

She sighs, rearranging her pillows as she sits up. I stretch out on the end of the bed and lay out the cheese, crackers and grapes I found.

“You’re a fucking idiot, you know that?”

I slip a grape into my mouth and smile. “Luce called me. Think it’s too late to call her back?”

“It’s two thirty in the morning. It will be like nine thirty there. I’d say she’ll be up.”

“She was going out with that asshole she met on the plane.”

“Why is he an asshole?”

“He looked at her.”

Megan nods in understanding as her eyes drift closed. “Fair.”

“Wanna know all our secrets?”

“No.”

“She’s kinky.” I pick up a piece of cheese. “Did you know that? Luce is a proper naughty girl.” I smile.

She cracks open an eye. “Really?”

I nod as if that’s all I have to say on the matter. It’s not like Lucy wouldn’t tell her friends, she tells them fucking everything. I’ve been privy to far too many of their girly conversations.

“I’m kinda proud of that little snippet of information.” She closes her eyes again. “But, Ell.”

“Hmm.”

“Shut the fuck up before you get yourself in trouble for telling me something you shouldn’t, and go to bed.”

I grin as I stand, then bend down and kiss her head. “Can I stay?”

She rolls over and looks at me. “You think I thought you actually wanted to see me home?”

“Was that English?”

“Fuck off.”

I laugh. “I did want to see you home, you know I did.” I also wanted something familiar. Something that wasn’t fully me and a little bit of her.

“I know. And yes, of course, you can stay. Always.”

“Night, Megs. And thank you.”

“Good night.”

I leave her room and dump the food in the kitchen, knowing Megan will have me clean up every scrap of mess I make in the morning. Then, I walk to the other end of the apartment and into Lucy’s bedroom.

It’s painted a simple shade of beige, with black and white furnishings. The bed sits in the middle of the room, and the wardrobe is at an angle in one of the corners. Everything is as it should be. Megan hasn’t changed a thing, and I know that will be for Lucy’s benefit. She would’ve wanted a backup plan. A what-if plan.

I smile as I face-plant the bed, pushing my arms up under her pillow as I become immersed in everything her. It’s not enough, not even close. I need the real thing.

I need Luce.

I pull my phone from my jacket pocket.

She called me hours ago, and I didn’t notice until I was on my way home in the car. I didn’t plan to stay as late at the gala as I did, but for the first time in a long time, I actually enjoyed being out with all my friends. Even Mason took his head out of Nina’s ass long enough to enjoy his night. The only thing missing was Luce.

I try calling her, but she doesn’t answer. I decide to leave her a voice mail.

“Luce, I missed your call. I’m sorry. I hope you had a good night with your friends.” I readjust my head on the pillow and breathe her in. “I kept looking around the gala tonight, wondering where you were. I pictured what you’d be wearing. I thought gold at first, but then I thought about how you wouldn’t want the attention on you, and you’d go for something solid. Black. Conservative but sexy as fuck with your hair down and curled. They played Norah Jones, and I knew it was the song you’d have me up on the dance floor for. I sat it out with Megs while Charlie took Scar. We all miss you. But definitely me the most. I miss you, Luce. You’re enjoying New York, aren’t you? You’d tell me if you weren’t….” I frown, my jaw aching as my teeth clench. “Sometimes I wonder if I’m giving you the chance to explore it all like you wanted to, like you deserve to. Am I holding you back? I feel like I am. I feel like when the days done, you come home and fall into me, but only because I’m not letting you live in any other moment. That was the deal, right? You living your life without restraint.” I pause, reminiscing on the night of the ball. “You’ll be thirty-two in ninety-seven days. I worked it out at dinner. That’s soon.” I chuckle, already knowing I’m about to delete the entire thing. “I shouldn’t want you to fail, should I? The idea you could meet someone else, and it be real. The idea that you could find yourself and not need me anymore—our pact.” I snigger, pulling the phone away from my ear as I erase the message.

“It fucks me up inside,” I say to no one. “Good night, princess.”

I drop my phone to her sideboard, clean my teeth, and undress, then I lie in her bed without her, thinking of all the times we lay here together and didn’t touch once.

I’m selfish.

I should send her the message, let her see the truth in my words for herself. She’s so afraid to be on her own, and I’ve used that. I haven’t let her go like Nina, and the others have, and I don’t want to.

She feels so in reach, yet she’s never been further away.