The Grand Pact (The Grand Men #1)(18)

I still haven’t spoken to Elliot about Saturday night, and I know I need to. It seems off to leave what happened hanging in the air without having a conversation about it, but also, what is there to say? What if what we do say messes with me going to New York? Am I being naive to think it meant something? You don’t do that with someone if you don’t at least hold some sort of feelings for them, right?

“Hey!”

Nina bounces over and interrupts my deep thoughts, and I plaster on a smile as she shimmies up onto the piano. “Good day?” I ask, watching as the group leaves the studio.

“Wonderful. Yours?”

I sigh heavily, and she twists her head to look at me. “I have news.” Her eyes drop to my bottom lip that’s being torn to pieces between my teeth. Her defined brows pinch in. “I quit at the shop.”

“You what?” she snaps, sitting up straight. “Luce?”

I swallow around the lump in my throat. “You remember in Bora Bora that time I told you about the internship in New York—”

A gasp falls from her lips. “Shut the front door!”

“I got offered the same position.”

“Oh my god. Luce!” Her eyes instantly fill with tears, wild but happy. “And you’re going? How? That was what? Three years ago.”

“They reached out. I didn’t even apply.”

“They want you,” she whispers in amazement.

I nod, not managing the smile I know I should give.

“You’re going; you’re really doing it,” she says, her face awash with pride. “This is everything.”

“It’s why Miller left. I told him I might go, and he left.”

Nina’s arms slip around me, clinging on tight. “Oh, babe.”

“What if I hate it, Nina?”

“Then I’ll come get you. In a heartbeat.”

“You think I should go?”

Her brows knit, and she recoils as she shakes her head in disbelief. “Absolutely!”

I swallow and nod. A tear slips down my cheek, the weight of my decision hitting me like a ton of bricks as I off-load on my best friend.

“Hey! Don’t cry!” She starts to laugh, and I fall into her chest. “You’re making me cry, bitch. Come on, what is it?”

“I don’t know if I want to go.” I sniff. “I feel like everyone else wants me to go, but I don’t know if it’s what I want.”

“Well, I know that your family and friends—and Jean, they all want what’s best for you. Simple.”

“What if I say no, and then regret it? What if it’s just me stopping me like before?”

“I thought you said you already quit at the shop? You sound so unsure.”

“I did. I have.” And not even three hours later, I’m doubting myself. “I’m going to go.” I look down at my hands as the sadness washes from me.

“Do you think it’s because of today? Having to tell us? Because we’ll be okay. We can call, come out and see you literally whenever. Maybe you’re feeling down because you feel like you’re saying goodbye.”

“Probably.” I nod.

“But, that being said… Luce, if you don’t want to go, you don’t go. You’re not letting anyone down, and you can still accomplish your dreams and more right here in London.”

“What if I don’t know?”

She grimaces. She isn’t used to not knowing. She’s so strong minded she wouldn’t allow the doubt in if it were her. “What does your gut tell you to do?” she asks.

I look at her and shrug.

Her face falls, and the disappointment bleeding through the creases of the loving mask she tries to front seals it. “I’m going to go,” I ramble on. “It’s just nerves, and no wonder, it’s New York. I have to give it a shot.”

“Maybe you should think on this—”

“I’ve thought on it for the last eight weeks, night and day.” Maybe that tells me more than I care to admit. Perhaps that means something. “I should go, and I want to.”

She frowns at me, openly watching me for a sign of something. “You’ve told me you’ve felt lost for years, that you want to be more independent, step outside of your comfort zone. I think this could be it. I’d hate to see you make the wrong decision, but if you need some kind of reassurance, I think this could be that step.”

“Like a sign.” I swallow, my tears slipping slowly down my cheeks.

“They came back for a second time.” She reaches out and palms my cheek, then wipes it across her tights. “You’re special. Fucking insanely talented in your field, and they want you. New York wants you, Luce! Fucking New York!”

She shakes me in disbelief as she says it, and I chuckle in her hold.

“Will you… with Ellis… I don’t want you to—”

“Luce.” I look up at her, my face wet and probably a mess. “We’re going to be just fine. It’s your turn now. Go get ’em, okay.”

I nod and then hide my face back in her chest. “I wish I had your balls.” I huff.

“I wish I had your soul,” she whispers.

“Would it be very me of me to say you already have it?” I grin, feeling soppy but happy.