The Girl He Used to Know(20)
“Janice did it. She said if I insist on going barefoot so much, the least I could do was make my feet prettier for people to look at.” I took a bite of my pie because I always ate dessert first if given the chance, and I was so hungry I had to force myself to pause between bites. “I don’t like shoes.”
He let out a short laugh but it sounded kind. “Yeah, I gathered that.”
“They feel restrictive and I can’t wiggle my toes.”
“What do you do in the winter?”
“Suffer in boots.”
“You don’t play games, do you?”
I took another bite of my pie. “Chess is the only game I know how to play.”
* * *
After we finished eating, we drove down the dark highway in silence, and by the time we reached Urbana, I’d returned to as calm a state as I’d ever be in outside the walls of my apartment. Jonathan pulled up in front of my building and turned off the truck. I opened the door and climbed out without saying good-bye, focusing only on reaching the safety and comfort of my bedroom, where I planned to spend the rest of the evening in solitude trying to forget the whole mortifying experience. To my surprise, Jonathan got out, too, and he caught up with me as I reached the doorway of my building. He grabbed my hand and I stopped short. He squeezed it gently but didn’t let it go. His touch grounded me and made me feel as if nothing bad could ever happen as long as Jonathan had ahold of my hand.
“Do you want to go out with me Friday night?”
“Go out with you where?” I asked.
“On a date. We can go wherever you want.”
I couldn’t believe he still wanted to be seen with me, let alone take me someplace willingly. Jake had never asked me to go anywhere with him, and the food Jonathan had just shared with me had been the closest I’d ever come to having a meal with a member of the opposite sex.
It was the closest thing I’d had to a date of any kind.
“Why would you want to do that?” Why would anyone? My humiliation felt palpable by then, and I instantly regretted asking the question. Why heap more embarrassment on top of what I’d already brought upon myself?
“Because I think you’re really pretty, and I like you.” When I didn’t say anything, he dropped my hand and shoved his into his pockets. “I feel like I can be myself with you.”
All my life, I’d been waiting for someone I could be myself with. It had never occurred to me that I could be that person for someone else. His words choked me up and made me feel like crying.
“I would like to go out with you.”
He smiled, and my eyes met his fleetingly before I looked away. “Great. Well, I’ll see you tomorrow at chess club.”
I looked down at the ground and nodded. Then I walked inside, and though I was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to escape into the comfort of a deep sleep, I couldn’t stop thinking about when he might hold my hand again.
14
Jonathan
CHICAGO
AUGUST 2001
I last all of five days before I break down and call Annika. I’m leaving the day after tomorrow to spend two weeks in the New York office, and I want to see her again before I go.
“It’s Jonathan,” I say when she answers the phone. “I can’t believe you picked up. I thought for sure I’d get your machine.”
“I thought it was Janice calling me back. She hates it when I screen her calls.”
“I wanted to see if you could have dinner tomorrow night. I know it’s short notice.”
“I can have dinner. I would love to have dinner.”
“Okay. What’s your number at work? I’ll call you tomorrow afternoon.” She gives it to me, and it’s hard to miss the unmistakable joy in her voice.
So, I guess I’m willing to peel back a few layers after all.
* * *
I’m swamped at work, so when I call Annika the next day to confirm, I tell her I’ll have to come straight from the office. She says she’s working late, too, so she asks me to pick her up at the library and says she’ll be ready by seven. That’s an early night for me, but I can get away with it because I’ll be on a plane long before the sun comes up tomorrow.
She’s having a conversation with a man when I arrive, presumably a coworker because they’re both wearing lanyards around their necks. Annika is gesturing excitedly with her hands, and she doesn’t seem at all like the shy girl I met in college and had to draw out of her shell. This man is someone she’s comfortable with. I can tell by how close he’s standing to her and the way she almost looks right at him when she’s talking. I wonder if this was the man she said was “too much like” her. She hasn’t spotted me yet, and it feels slightly voyeuristic to observe her like this, but I’m still learning about present-day Annika, and one thing I’ve noticed is that she seems more confident than she was back then. I guess that’s what ten years will do to a person.
She sees me and stops talking abruptly, walking toward me without saying good-bye to the man. He doesn’t seem to mind and ambles off in another direction.
“Hi,” I say.
“Hi.”
“Are you ready to go?”