The Fire Between High & Lo (Elements #2)(65)

“If you care anything about her, you’ll stop doing this right now. If you care anything about her heart, you’ll stop yourself from breaking it again. Whatever you two are doing might just be fun and games for you, but for her, it’s more. It’s everything she spent the last few years thinking about. If you end up breaking my friend’s heart, you best believe I will break all of your fingers and toes, one at a time.”

I laughed again, but this time the stern look Lori was giving me made me pause. I swallowed hard. “Okay.”

“But for now, you should get home soon,” she said, opening her book back up. “A big storm is supposed to be moving in over the next few hours.”

I looked up at the sky, the darkened clouds blocking out the moon. Standing, my hands went back to my pockets, and I thanked Lori for the talk.

***

The next day, Kellan asked me to join him and Erika at his therapist appointment, and there was no way I’d say no. I’d do anything he’d ask of me. The only therapist I’d ever spoken to was during my stay at St. Michaels Health and Rehabilitation Clinic. We’d have individual sessions and group sessions where they made us color and shit. I hated it at first, but after time, it helped. Then, sometimes, I’d start hating it again.

I sat beside my brother and his fiancée in Dr. Yang’s office, and I could feel the tension building. Before we left the house, Kellan and Erika had been bickering about small things—a toothpaste tube left on the bathroom countertop, coffee not being finished, Erika’s school books all over the dining room table. I’d never seen them fight before, so it was a bit odd.

“Thank you for joining us today, Logan. I know it means a lot to your brother that you’re here.”

“Yeah, of course.” I patted Kellan on the leg. He gave me a forced smile. “Anything for this dude.”

Dr. Yang nodded, pleased. “I think it’s important to check in every now and then about how things are going. I know Erika mentioned that you moved into the house, which I think could be a good thing for Kellan. Having family around is always helpful. So, how about we go around to see how everyone is doing. Kellan, you start.”

“I’m fine.”

“He’s been losing his appetite a bit. And he seems a bit moody lately,” Erika chimed in.

“That’s perfectly normal with everything that’s going on,” Dr. Yang assured her.

“I’m not moody,” Kellan barked.

Erika frowned. “You snapped at me yesterday, Kellan.”

“You were taking my temperature at three in the morning while I was sleeping.”

“You looked cold,” she whispered.

“And how are you doing, Erika? I know we spoke about how you handle your stress by sometimes breaking things…”

“Yeah. But I’m doing much better.”

Kellan laughed.

“I’m sorry?” Erika cocked an eyebrow at my brother. “Is something funny?”

“We have seven new lamps in our closet because one broke. You’re losing your mind.”

Wow. That was harsh.

I watched the embarrassment turn Erika’s cheeks red as she studied her shoes.

Dr. Yang wrote something in his notebook before turning to me. “What about you, Logan? Do you think Erika is handling Kellan’s illness in the best way possible?”

Erika huffed. “Right. Because a drug addict gets to judge me.”

That was harsh, too.

I sat up in my seat, glancing over to both Kellan and Erika before I replied. They both looked so exhausted. The same way Ma had. Kellan was digging his fingers into the sides of his chair, while Erika was fighting off the temptation to cry.

I cleared my throat. “Do I think it’s weird that Erika has mini-breakdowns where she breaks and buys? Yes. Do I think she judges people for not being or thinking exactly like her? Absolutely.” I could feel the daggers Erika was sending my way with her eyes, but I continued speaking. “But she loves him. She cleans up after me. Yelling about it, but she does it. Because she’s trying her best to make him comfortable. She might not be handling it to your definition or Kellan’s, or mine. Maybe not even the best way possible. But she’s doing her best. She wakes up every morning and tries to do her best. I don’t know if I’ve ever done my best…” I glanced down at the band on my arm. “But I’m trying. For these two, I’m trying to do my best. Which is all anyone can really do. When I was at the rehab clinic in Iowa, they had these quotes in every room by Ram Dass. In the front lobby there was this quote on the wall that said, ‘We’re all just walking each other home.’ I never really understood the meaning until right now.

“Because at the end of the day, we’re all lost. We’re all cracked. We’re all scarred. We’re all broken. We’re all just trying to figure out this thing called life, you know? Sometimes it feels so lonely, but then you remember your core tribe. The people who sometimes hate you, but never stop loving you. The people who always show up, no matter how many times you’ve f*cked up and pushed them away. That’s your tribe. These people, these struggles, this is my tribe. So yeah, we fall apart, but we’ll fall together. We’ll stand up—together. Then, at the end of all the bullshit, all of the tears, all of the hurt, we’ll take a few steps at a time. Then we’ll take a few deep breaths, and we’ll walk each other home.”