The Fire Between High & Lo (Elements #2)(59)

“You know,” he walked toward me, his chest pushed out. “There were rumors going around saying you were back, but I figured it was just bullshit. Now that you’re back, you can come join me in the family business.”

“I’m never going to do that. I’m never going down that road again.”

His eyes narrowed and I watched his serious inhales and exhales. Then he laughed. “I love that. I love that you honestly think that you’re strong enough to stay clean.” He came nose to nose with me, and instead of backing down, I stood tall. I wasn’t afraid of him anymore. I couldn’t be afraid. He pushed my chest with his, trying to make me back down. “But I know you, Logan. I see in your eyes the same weak bitch that resides in your mother. There’s no way you’ll ever manage to keep away.”

I watched tears form in Ma’s eyes as he said that. It had to feel like a dagger to her soul, because all her life all she ever did was love him. She wasted so many years loving a man who loved to control and belittle her.

“Don’t talk about my mom,” I said, standing up for her because she hadn’t a clue how to stand up for herself.

He snickered. “I love your mom. Julie, don’t I love you? She’s my one and only. You’re it for me, baby.”

Mom kind of smiled, as if she believed him.

Something I’d never understand.

He made me sick. “You don’t love her. You love controlling her because it hides the fact that you yourself are nothing but a f*cking rat.”

I flinched when I felt his fist contact my eye. “This f*cking rat can still kick your ass, little boy. I’m not going to waste any more time on you, though. Julie. Give me my money.”

Her voice shook with fear. “Ricky, I don’t have it right now. I’ll get it though. I just have to…” He went to hit her, and I stepped in front of him, this time blocking his hit.

“So what, you went off to some fancy rehab place and come back thinking you can just step back into this place, Logan?” he asked, annoyed. “Trust me, you don’t want me as your enemy.”

I reached into my pocket and grabbed my wallet, counting out fifty bucks. “Here. Take it and go.”

He cocked an eyebrow. “Did I say fifty? I meant seventy.”

Asshole. I pulled out another twenty, and shoved it at him. He willingly accepted the bills, stuffing it into his pocket. He bent down in front of the lasagna. “You make this, son?” he asked, knowing that calling me son would get under my skin. He took a spoonful of the food, then spit it out, back into the pan, ruining the whole thing. “Tastes like ass.”

“Ricky,” Ma said, going to defend me, but he shot her a look that shut her up.

He stole her voice so long ago, and she had no clue how to find it. “You act like I don’t take care of you, Julie. That’s really offensive. Don’t forget who was there for you when this boy walked out and left you. And you wonder why it’s so hard for me to love you. You betray me every second you get.”

Her head lowered.

“And this? Him bringing you food and groceries? That doesn’t mean he cares about you, Julie.” He opened the cabinets and the refrigerator, grabbing all of the food I bought for Ma, opening each item, and dumping them into a pile on the floor. I wanted to stop him, but Ma told me to say quiet. He opened a box of cereal, locked eyes with me, and slowly poured it on top of everything on the ground, before opening a gallon of milk and doing the same exact thing.

He then walked over it with his sneakers, and headed to the front door. “I’m going to handle some business,” he said with a smirk. “And Julie?”

“Yeah?” she whispered, a tremble in her body.

“Clean that shit up before I get back home.”

When the door slammed, my heartrate started to go back to normal. “Are you okay, Ma?”

Her body was tense, and she wouldn’t look at me. “You did this.”

“What?”

“He’s right. You left me, and he was there for me. You’re the reason he made this mess. You weren’t there for me. He took care of me.”

“Ma…”

“Get out!” she shouted, tears falling down her cheeks. She started toward me, hitting me, just like she used to when I was young. Blaming me because the devil didn’t love her. “Get out! Get out! It’s all your fault. It’s your fault that he doesn’t love me. It’s your fault that this mess is here. It’s your fault that Kellan’s dying. You walked away from us. You left us. You left us. Now leave, Logan. Leave. Leave. Leave!” she shouted, pounding against my chest, her words confusing me, hurting me, burning me. She was hysterical, reminding me too much of the Ma I once knew and hated. Her words were echoing in my mind.

It’s your fault. It’s your fault that this mess is here. It’s your fault that Kellan’s dying. You left us. You left us. You left us… Kellan’s dying…

My chest scorched as I blinked over and over again, trying not to fall apart. How did I get back here? How did I find myself in exactly the same kind of position that I was in five years ago? How was I back on the hamster wheel I spent so long running away from?

She didn’t stop hitting me. She didn’t stop blaming me.

So I packed up my things and I left.