The Exception(57)

“I tried, but you were always gone or too busy.”

“And your mother?”

“She would tell me to stop being ridiculous and she didn’t want to hear any more nonsense out of my mouth. After a while, I gave up and sank into a depression that took me years to get out of.”

“You never seemed depressed to me.”

“That’s because I was good at hiding it. I had no choice but to pretend to be the happy and perfect daughter of Donald and Patricia Bell, when really, I was dying inside.”

“And you talked to your grandmother about all of this?”

“Yes. She knew something was wrong with me when I spent the summer at her house when I was fifteen years old. And you want to know how she knew? We were shopping at Saks and I was arrested for shoplifting.”

“My god, Jillian. Why?”

“A cry for help. A cry for attention. A cry to do something that nobody would expect of me.”

“I’m sorry, baby.” He placed his hand gently on my leg.

“I was released and it never went on my record. Grandma knew the judge and had a long talk with him. We talked about everything that summer. She was the only person who understood besides Kellan. That’s why she left me the money for when I turned twenty-one. She knew the day would come when I would just walk away.”

“I’m so sorry. I had no idea. I don’t know what to say, Jillian, except that I was a shit father who cared more about his company than his family. I wasn’t there for you and I always sided with your mother when I shouldn’t have. Sometimes it was just easier to agree with her.”

“I know what you mean.”

“Why didn’t you leave when you turned twenty-one?”

I sighed. “I was still in college and I had worked too hard to get to where I was just to throw it all away.”

“I’m afraid to ask why you waited for your wedding day.”

“I think you know the answer to that.” I glanced over at him.

He slowly nodded his head. “Revenge.”

“Yep.” I bit down on my bottom lip.

“You had it planned all along.”

“Yep.”

He sighed. “I want to make things right with you, Jillian. I know there aren’t enough apologies in the world, but please know that I am truly sorry. As for your sister, doing what I did to her and her mother was one of my biggest regrets. I thought about her often and I even saw her once while I was here in New York on business. She was having dinner with her mother one night at a restaurant I was at. They didn’t see me, but I sure saw them and I stared at my daughter for as long as they were there. I wanted to reach out to her, but I couldn’t. I was too afraid.”

“Why did you do it, Dad? Why did you just leave her like that?”

“Because I didn’t have a choice. Your mother threatened to divorce me and take everything I had worked so hard for my entire life. If it got out that I had a child by another woman, it would have been disastrous both personally and professionally. You have to understand that, Jill.”

“I will never understand a parent never acknowledging his child.”

There was a moment of silence between us as I stared straight ahead at the people who surrounded the area. The laughter of children filled the air, couples sitting on their blankets enjoying a picnic, and friends just hanging out enjoying the beautiful day.

“I want to meet her, Jill. I need to meet my daughter.”

I swallowed hard, finding it difficult to say the words. “I’ll set it up.”

“Thank you. You have no idea how much it means to me to hear you say that.”

“Where’s Mom?” I asked.

“She flew back to Seattle this morning. I told her that I had some business to attend to while I was here. Things aren’t good with us.”

Bringing my knees to my chest, I spoke, “They never were.”

My father placed his hand on my knee and I turned my head and looked at him. What I saw was a broken man. A man who didn’t know what to do anymore. A man who looked lost and was desperately trying to find his way back home. The words Kristen said to me kept replaying over and over in my head. “Forgiveness gives you strength and forgiveness will set you free.” Forgiveness was something I shouldn’t have feared and it was time to let that fear go. If I was going to continue to find myself, I had no choice. Ano was right; I needed to face and come to terms with what I had done and it started with my father.

“I forgive you, Dad.” I laid my head on his shoulder.

He leaned his head on mine. “Thank you, Jill. You are and will always be my little girl. No matter where life takes you, I’ll always love you.”





Chapter Thirty-Six


Drew



I drove to the Hamptons and rented a boat for the day. This was something I wanted to do with Jillian and had planned on asking her, but in light of the current circumstances, I went alone. My heart ached and I thought about her every second. I was more than broken-hearted. I was pissed. Pissed at myself for moving too fast and pissed at her for not seeing that I could be a part of her self-journey.

As I sailed across the ocean, taking in the warmth of the breeze that swept across my face, I reflected on my life. Maybe this was karma for leaving Marley at the altar all those years ago. Maybe it was payback for all the women who wanted more from me that I cut loose and left broken. I’d never been hurt before, and now, I felt what all those women had felt. I’d finally found true love, even though I wasn’t looking for it, and she made it clear that she didn’t feel the same way. This was definitely karma biting me in the ass ten times over for my past behavior with women. How the f*ck was I going to get over her? I didn’t know how because I never had to before. She consumed me and the need to be with her was too strong for me to move on. I didn’t want to move on. I’d never find someone like Jillian again. She was my one chance and now, my chance was gone.