The Dom with the Dragon Tattoo (Masters of Submission #5)(32)
Tell him.
Tyler breathed in before letting out a long, contented sigh. “I love you, and you love me, right?”
“More than anything else in the world.”
Tell him.
He pointed to the shoreline. “See that house over there, our house? I want to see it overflowing with happy, healthy children, our children. I want to leave the legacy I’ve built to them.” He took a deep breath. “Something’s been bugging me for a while now. What’s the point of owning the most successful software company in the US if I haven’t got any kids to leave it to?”
Rebecca knew exactly where the conversation was leading, but talk of children made her feel inadequate. Why the f*ck hadn’t she told him already? She’d had numerous chances, but she’d always taken the coward’s way out and put off telling him for another time. The time was now.
Tell him.
“Marry me, Becca.” He kissed the top of her head.
“Yes,” she whispered, knowing full well she deceived him.
Coward. You’ve got to tell him. You’ve got to tell him now.
He hugged her closer still and tenderly brushed his lips over her ear. “You’ve just made me one happy guy. I’ll row us back to shore, and we can get started on those kids right away.”
Tell him, tell him, tell him. What the f*ck are you doing, woman? What you’re doing is not fair. If you can’t give him the children he craves, let him go. Leave him. Let him find a woman who can give him children—a real woman—not some barren vessel.
No, no, no, I won’t leave him. I am a real woman, and I love him, and I won’t let him go, because I can’t live without him.
You can, and you will. Leave him before it’s too late. Leave him before you see the disappointment etched on his face.
Leave him!
Tears trickled down her cheeks and dripped into the boat. She was so confused. She just didn’t know what to do anymore.
A breeze was getting up and he stroked a stray hair from her eyes. “Why the tears, honey?”
She wiped them away with the back of her hand, but however many times she did it, they just kept coming. “I’m so happy, Ty,” she lied.
“That’s just great, honey, now let’s get you home.”
Rebecca had crossed the line in the sand. She’d promised herself she’d tell Tyler the truth before their relationship got to this stage. That way, she’d have given him the option of moving on without her. She hated herself at this precise moment, because she knew she’d trapped the man she loved with her lies and deception, and it would be impossible for him to continue loving her once he inevitably found out the truth.
She knew she would love Tyler Stone until the day she died.
Chapter Seventeen
In the sweltering heat of the cab, Tyler opened his flight bag and took out Rebecca’s letter. When he’d first discovered it three weeks ago, the day after he’d proposed, he was so f*cking angry he’d screwed it into a crumpled ball and thrown it away. Later, when he’d calmed down, he’d taken it from the trash can and smoothed it flat. Now he slid the letter from the battered envelope again and began reading, already knowing the words by heart.
My Darling Ty, I don’t expect you to forgive me for what I’ve done to you, but I hope an explanation will go some way to helping you understand the position I find myself in.
I know when you read this letter you will be sad and disappointed, as well as angry, and, my darling, I fully understand you have every right to feel this way.
You’re better off without me, Ty. I always thought of myself as a strong, independent woman who made her own luck in life, but I was too weak and selfish to tell you face-to-face what I’m about to reveal to you now. You may think I am a coward, and you have every right to believe that, because in truth, I am. I just couldn’t find my courage when it was needed most.
You see, my darling, it deeply saddens me to tell you that I am unable to have children, and because you were adopted yourself, I fully understand how much it means to you to have a family of your own. Please believe me, Ty, it was always, always my intention to tell you before I fell so deeply in love with you, but the time just never seemed right. I suppose I just couldn’t bear the thought of seeing the disappointment in your eyes.
Please believe me, even if you had comforted me and told me everything was just fine, I know the nagging disappointment would return and haunt us both a year or two from now, when the realization finally hit home what you’d sacrificed by marrying me. I told my previous Master, Mitch. Like you, he longed for children, and our relationship eventually finished. I love you so much, Tyler. I couldn’t bear to see you react in the same way as him. When I looked at Mitch, I saw a face frustrated and disappointed by my infertility, and I hated the way it made me feel. Barren, fruitless, desolate. Not a real woman.
I was diagnosed with leukemia when I was barely ten years old and spent the next two years fighting the disease. While the chemotherapy helped save my life, it unfortunately had the side effect of destroying my fertility. Over the years I have seen endless doctors, and they’ve all told me the likelihood of me producing a child of my own is realistically zero.
No one can understand the gnawing ache I feel deep inside when I see a happy little boy or girl walking hand in hand with their mother. The ache in my heart at times seems unbearable, knowing that I cannot enjoy and savor what millions of other women take for granted. I’m not trying to make you feel sorry for me, Ty. I don’t deserve your sympathy. All I’m trying to do in my own clumsy way is to try and explain as best I can.