The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea (The Devils #2)(77)

I bury my head in my hands and take a deep breath, trying to stay calm.

It’s impossible to quell my anxiety, though. Even if we get through the night, she’s still got to get back to Mogadishu. The road is the most dangerous part, but the airport isn’t all that safe either. I’m gonna be a nervous wreck until she’s safely landed somewhere else.

For the next few hours, I listen to her talk in her sleep—those same numbers. Seven, one-ninety-nine, eighty-eight. I wish she’d tell me what they mean. Usually, I hear them once or maybe twice. Tonight she says them again and again, as if she’s trapped in a nightmare that’s on repeat.

I should never have kept this going. I should never have started it in the first place. Maybe I’ve ruined it anyway, with the way I’ve treated her tonight. That would probably be for the best. Because I can’t seem to let her go, and this proves, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I should.





44





DREW





Josh wakes me when it’s still dark.

“Drew,” he says, “your ride is here.”

He’s still dressed. I’m groggy, but awake enough to feel another flush of shame. I’ve never seen anyone want me gone as badly as he did when I showed up last night.

I rise from the cot, unable to meet his eye, and grab my backpack.

“I’m ready,” I tell him, with no emotion in my voice. I’m angry but it’s mostly at myself. I should have known better than to come here. I’ve spent my whole life determined not to do something this stupid again, and look what I did at the first chance that presented itself: I leapt at it.

“Here,” he says, handing me his Georgetown hoody.

“It’s hot out,” I argue. And I don’t want your stupid fucking sweatshirt. I want to forget I ever knew you.

“You need to wear it,” he says, “with the hood up. They need to make sure no one recognizes you.”

I do as I’m told. “I’ll mail it back to you,” I reply coolly. We’re right back where we were that first morning in Oahu—Josh reluctantly trying to do the right thing and me telling him, as best I can, to fuck right off.

“Keep it,” he says.

“I don’t want it,” I say, and I’m sure he hears the hurt that leaches out of me with those words. My God, I sound more like Sloane with every second that passes.

“Drew,” he says, pulling me toward him with his hands on my hips. “Look—”

There is a tap outside the tent. “Hey, Bailey?” someone says. Another American. “We gotta go.”

He presses his lips to my forehead. “I’ll call you.”

I glance up at him for one second, which is as long as I can stand. I think the memory of him is going to break my heart every day for the rest of my life. “Bye, Josh,” I say, and I unzip the tent.

He starts to follow me and I shake my head. “Don’t, okay?” My voice quavers and after a moment’s hesitation, he nods, and that’s it.

Two guys in camo wait outside. “This seems like overkill,” I mutter quietly when I see the armored truck waiting for us.

One of the guys raises a brow. “Only someone who hasn’t spent much time here would say that.”

Our ride back to the airport is entirely uneventful, certainly no scarier than sitting in the back of a New York City cab. The worst part of the whole trip is how carsick I am until the medicine kicks in.

I have to wonder, once more, how much of this was actual worry on Josh’s part and how much was him just being not wanting to be seen with me.

I guess it doesn’t matter. It’s over now, either way.

One of the guards escorts me all the way to the plane. “Thank you,” I tell him when I reach the door.

“If it makes you feel any better,” the guy says, “he called in a favor for you he’d never call in for himself.”

What does that mean?

It really doesn’t matter, though. It just goes to show how fucking unnecessary it all actually was.





45





DREW





When I finally land in LA, a full day later, there’s a text from Tali. The picture she’s sent shows Hayes holding a tiny human in the palm of his hand.

It’s a girl! it says. Audrey Bell Flynn.

I marvel at the photo. While I’m familiar with how people are created, I’ve never seen one come from people I know, people I’ve known since the beginning of their relationship, with all its starts and stops. It’s…a miracle. Out of their tortured back and forth, this gorgeous little girl was created.

They took the long journey and it paid off for them. Most of us aren’t that lucky.

I head to the first-class lounge at LAX to shower and change clothes, since I’m too gross right now to be seen much less be in the presence of a newborn.

I have texts from Davis about the interviews and some movie premiere in a few weeks for which he’s found me a date. I guess I’ve got no reason to say no at this point, do I? I also have several missed calls from Josh and several texts asking me to let him know when I’m back in LA. Responsible as always, our Joshua. Making sure everyone’s taken care of.