The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea (The Devils #2)(39)

My mother continues to plow forward, though the path is muddy and it’s going to be a beast to come back down, part of what makes this hike so treacherous.

Her pace is slowing. We have to step off the trail to let other people pass us. I can see in her eyes that she’s mostly given up. I hate it, though it’s for the best.

“I know it’s hard,” she says, “and I know you’re very different people, but please make an effort with your brother. He’s going to need you when I’m not here.”

I close my eyes in frustration. He’s the last person I want to help, he’s the last person I want to support, but there is so little I can do for my mom, other than this. Other than being civil to my father when he doesn’t even try to hide that he’s cheating, or being pleasant to my brother when I want to punch him in the face. “I know, Mom,” I tell her. “I’m doing my best.”

We make it to the first lookout point. From here, there’s a clear view of the cliffs stretching out for miles and miles, the waves crashing hundreds of feet below us. My mom looks at it and swallows. Her eyes fill with tears.

I wrap my arm around her. I knew the day I arrived in Honolulu that her cancer had spread. She was frail but also jaundiced, so it’s probably in her liver. She wants us to have this one last trip together without the weight of what’s coming. I’m trying to give it to her.

“It’s a really good view,” she whispers.

I swallow hard. “It is.”

“Let’s get a photo,” she says, brushing away her tears. I hold the camera far enough to get the two of us and the coastline behind us. We both smile.

I hope I can look at this later on and convince myself we were happy.





25





DREW





Six and I sit out on the small beach overlooking Hanalei Bay and the cliffs of the Na Pali coast.

I want to kayak down this little river that winds toward Hanalei, but Six is scared to be away from his phone and more scared of losing it if we go in.

“I’m not letting Brian fuck me over,” he says. “Because you know he’ll try.”

I can’t help but think that if I were in his shoes, he’d be saying Babe, chill.

“Your mom was really upset about you missing the trip,” I tell him while he waits for his email to refresh. He nods distractedly and I put down the cocktail menu. “Six, are you listening to me?” I demand. He glances up—alarmed, slightly irritated.

“Yeah, yeah,” he says as if I’m nagging, “my mom was upset. I’m here now. I don’t know what you want me to do.”

Suddenly my patience with him evaporates. I’m not sure why, but this trip matters to Beth and it’s as if we’re all failing her, even me. She wants to bring her family together, she wants to see her boys settle down, she wants Jim to pay attention to Six the way he does Josh, and it’s like herding cats…the harder she works, the more they seem to wander off in different directions, evading her.

“I want you to stop being a jerk,” I reply.

He meets my gaze at last. “What?”

“Six, take a look at your mother,” I tell him, and suddenly my throat is clogged. “Do you know how goddamned lucky you are? All she wants in the entire world is to spend time with you and make you happy. That’s it.”

I have to stop because I really am going to cry and I’m not entirely sure why. I’m far too old to still be hoping for that from my own mother.

His brow furrows. For a moment he reminds me of Josh and I feel the oddest burst of affection for that little trough between his brows. Except Six deserves to worry a little. As far as I can tell he hasn’t done nearly his share.

“Yeah,” he says, “I know. What’s your point?”

“My point is that you’re taking her for granted,” I reply. “My point is that she planned this entire trip for you and Josh, and you missed most of it, and now you’re talking about leaving Kauai, and just once, you’ve got to put someone else first.”

He rolls his eyes and snatches up the cocktail menu. “I’m still here, aren’t I? It’s like you want to be mad at me about something.”

“No, I want you to stop even referencing the possibility of flying home for two days for this interview. Stop sitting there on your phone when she’s talking to you. She had cancer. She got through it. Give her some indication you’re glad she’s still around.”

His nostrils flare. He flags down the waitress. “You’re making me sound like an asshole.”

I rise from my chair. “I’m pretty sure you’re making yourself sound like an asshole.”

I wander down to the shore. The boulders and volcanic rock make wading out tricky and require constant watchfulness, but it gives me something to focus on other than Six and Josh and the fact that this whole trip seems to be getting increasingly screwed up as it goes on. And the most screwed up part of all is that I only want to be around the wrong Bailey son.

I’m still out in the water when I see Beth and Josh walking down the long path to the beach, with him hovering a little over her, making sure she’s okay on the steep bits. And for a moment my heart just swells.

I love everything about your face. My eyes travel over him as my mind spins quietly. I love your nose and your stern brows and your full lower lip that rarely moves into a smile. I love it more for the fact that it does move for me. And I love the way your eyes light up when you see me, even when you are otherwise perfectly still.