The Deal(106)

I give a helpless shrug.

“You’re not f*cking going, Hannah!”

His sharp voice makes me wince. “Says who? You? Because last I checked, you and I aren’t dating. We’re just fooling around.”

“Is that what you really—” He stops, his mouth twisting in a scowl. “You know what? I guess you’re right. I guess we’re just fooling around.”

I can barely keep up with the jumbled thoughts racing through my brain. “You said you don’t do girlfriends,” I say weakly.

“I said I don’t have time for a girlfriend,” he shoots back. “But guess what—priorities change.”

I falter. “So you’re saying you want me to be your girlfriend?”

“Yeah, maybe that’s what I’m saying.”

My teeth sink into my lower lip. “Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why would you want that?” I bite my lip harder. “You’re all one-track about hockey, remember? And besides, we argue too much.”

“We don’t argue. We bicker.”

“It’s the same thing.”

He rolls his eyes. “No, it’s not. Bickering is fun and good-natured. Arguing is—”

“Oh my God, we’re arguing about the way we argue!” I interrupt, unable to stop from laughing.

Garrett’s shoulders relax at the sound of my laughter. He takes a step toward me, searching my face. “I know you’re into me, Wellsy. And I’m definitely into you. Would it really be so bad if we made this thing official?”

I gulp again. I hate being put on the spot, and I’m too confused to make sense of anything right now. Acting on impulse isn’t something I do often. I never make decisions without giving them careful thought, and although other girls might break out in cartwheels at the thought of making things “official” with Garrett Graham, I’m more pragmatic than that. I didn’t expect to like this guy. Or to have sex with him. Or to be in the position where he might be my boyfriend.

“I don’t know,” I finally say. “I mean, I didn’t really think about you and me in terms of dating. I just wanted to…” My cheeks grow warm “…explore the attraction and see if…you know. But I didn’t think any farther ahead than that.” My confusion triples, turning my mind to mush. “I have no idea what this even is, or where it could go, or…”

As I trail off, I notice Garrett’s expression, and the hurt in his eyes cuts into me like a knife.

“You don’t know what this is or where it could go? Jesus, Hannah. If you…” He lets out a shaky breath, his broad shoulders sagging. “If you honestly don’t know, then we’re wasting our time. Because I know exactly what it is. I—” He halts so abruptly it gives me whiplash.

“You what?” I whisper.

“I—” He stops again. His gray eyes darken. “You know what? Forget it. I guess you’re right. This was all about exploring the attraction.” He sounds increasingly bitter. “I’m just your sex therapist, right? Actually, no, I’m your f*cking fluffer.”

“Fluffer?” I say blankly.

“Like in porn,” he mutters. “They bring in the fluffer to suck off the dudes between takes so they stay hard.” Anger colors his tone. “That was my job, right? To get you nice and hot for Kohl? To get you ready to bone him?”

Indignation prickles my skin. “One, that’s disgusting. And two, that’s not fair and you know it.”

“I don’t know a damn thing, apparently.”

“He asked me out before I slept with you! And I probably wasn’t even going to go!”

Garrett barks out a harsh laugh. “You probably weren’t going to? Yeah. Thanks for that.” He takes a step to the door. “You know what? Just go on the damn date. You got what you wanted from me. I guess Justin can take it from here.”

“Garrett—”

But he’s already gone. Not just gone, but making his exit known as he slams my door, thuds through the suite, and slams that door too.

I stare at the empty space he was taking up a second ago.

I know exactly what it is.

Garrett’s hoarse words echo in my head, and a vise of emotion constricts my heart, because I’m pretty sure I know exactly what it is too.

And I’m scared that because of my split-second moment of indecision, I just threw it all away.