The Darkness in Dreams (Enforcer's Legacy, #1)(49)
“It isn’t your decision to make. Kace insinuated his way into my life, into my mind. He lied, planted cameras in my cottage. I won’t let him do that to others.”
“You’re being reckless.” Christan seemed to gather himself for the coming argument. “You don’t appreciate the risks.”
“Don’t I?” Lexi wondered where that surety came from as she studied the expressions on every face, even those on the video feed. She could see the resistance in their eyes and wondered why they even thought they could stop her. “This isn’t your private war.”
“Lexi,” Christan cautioned, but she cut him off, oblivious to the audience surrounding them. Her attention was only on him.
“You don’t control me.”
“This isn’t about control, it’s about you not listening.”
“And if I don’t listen, will you face plant me on the floor again?”
Lexi sensed the shock floating through the video feed and realized she’d never heard anyone argue with Christan in public. Never. They all accepted his decisions. Then she remembered he was an enforcer and they were probably afraid to argue.
Christan watched with a predatory gleam in his eye, and the tiny nerves at the base of her nape were zinging the way they’d zinged when he’d chased her across the training mat. Lexi didn’t wait for Christan to make his move. She turned and left the room.
It took two seconds before he was out of his chair and following her.
Christan blocked the escape at the top of the stairs. Lexi turned, hair flaring out in a curtain of gold filled with winter light. Without hesitating, she disappeared into the smaller office to her left.
He followed her.
“I’m not asking for permission.” She launched into the argument before he was through the door. “This is my decision.”
“Without listening to my advice?” Christan kicked the door closed, hard. He wasn’t trying to be threatening but he wanted her to know he was angry.
Lexi retreated to the far end of the room. She was trembling and Christan’s chest clenched. He was frightening her. But he also knew the argument wasn’t about control. It was about her safety and his inability to protect her.
Lexi didn’t understand the risks in Italy, but Christan hadn’t forgotten about Kace. The Enforcer wasn’t in Portland. He was more likely in Florence, or nearby since Six’s territory was the Eastern Mediterranean. And despite those risks, Phillipe told Christan to take her to Florence. Drink some wine. Use her with Katerina. Christan wouldn’t explain that to Lexi, how Three wanted her enforcer and his girl back together. Couldn’t. And in this mood, Lexi would refuse to listen to why she should stay in Oregon.
“I would ask you not to do this,” he said, trying to control his frustration. From Lexi’s expression, he wasn’t successful.
“I have to go,” she said.
“Why?” Christan’s stance widened and he wanted to cross his arms but thought the move would be too aggressive. It didn’t matter. Her mouth tightened when she saw his posture. After last night, she expected the worse. Christan watched as she hesitated at the edge of a chair, then sat down.
“Because of things you could never understand.”
When he walked toward her, Lexi looked away. Christan crouched down, enfolding one of her hands in his. Her skin was soft but cold, and his callouses were probably rough against her palm. It felt good, just… good to hold her hand. He shouldn’t be touching her. She shouldn’t be letting him. It surprised him when she did. He remembered, now, how this woman always surprised him with her ability to see what he wanted hidden. At least she had, until the end when she hadn’t wanted anything from him at all.
And now he crouched at her feet, holding her hand as if he wanted something from her.
“Help me understand,” he said.
Lexi resisted. He expected her to, needed her to, because there was no other way she could protect herself. Trust wasn’t something Christan was extending to himself right now. Not if he’d needed his second-in-command to challenge his behavior. Arsen wouldn’t say another word, that was the way they were. Once was enough in their world, and if someone didn’t listen, well… that was why Christan was an enforcer.
He was ashamed of his behavior. And that was an odd sensation, one he didn’t like and had only ever felt when this woman was involved. Lexi wasn’t of their world, not really, even with all the reincarnations. Once, it had been the most important thing to have her be part of them.
But he’d destroyed all that. She’d destroyed it. He wasn’t sure they could get it back or even if they should. Not after what they did to each other in Florence. And yet, she was still sitting here and he was asking her to tell him what he’d never allowed her to tell him before. Why she wanted so badly to go to Florence. Why she needed to help a girl she didn’t know. Because it meant thwarting a man she certainly did know, despite all the names he gave himself.
Asking, for God’s sake, and not ordering. Asking her to trust him. Christan didn’t think she would.
“Words won’t explain what it’s like from my side of the experience,” she said. “You go into my mind as easily as you do everything else.”
Christan looked away. How many times had Kace violated her mind in the past? And what the hell had he’d been doing last night? He was fairly sure Lexi thought it was the same thing. Arsen said the apology offered earlier wasn’t owed to his second. Arsen was right. The words would be difficult. Christan drew in a deep breath.