The Darkest Part (Living Heartwood #1)(86)
I roll my eyes and turn on my side to face him. Then, with a determined breath, “Dr. Hartman cleared me to come off my meds.”
His face doesn’t change. Holding its playful expression for a moment longer until my words sink in. Then his facial muscles reveal the hesitance creeping over him. “Are you sure?”
I nod. “Yes. You know how hard it is for me to focus on my art and school at the same time while taking them. They just make me so tired.” His brow furrows. He’s seen me battling the side effects for months. “And I haven’t relapsed, Holden. I’ve been cleared. She said she thinks it’s time.”
This gets a smile from him, and I know he’s relieved. I hate being on the pills. I never felt I needed the antidepressants, but I stuck with the antipsychotics. Even though I accepted my condition, and through therapy was able to understand why it happened, sometimes I’d still see glimpses of Tyler out of the corner of my vision. Just a quick flicker. Him there, and then gone. I’d hear someone laugh, and it would sound just like Tyler’s laugh. I’d see a movie we watched before, and it’d trigger a memory. I’d feel his presence, if only for a moment.
Dr. Hartman continued to work with me via Skype, and said that it was expected. That the mind takes time to heal, and the heart takes even longer. Beneath all that stuff I’d thought of as psychobabble, she’s actually a romantic. And she said when my mind and heart were ready, they’d release me from the psychosis. The meds helped, but I want to have my life back now. I want to be able to do everything I want with the energy I need.
“How long has it been?” Holden asks. His hand roams over my hip, comforting.
“Three months.” I eye him seriously. “I haven’t had any episodes in over three months. So I should be able to come off the meds safely now.”
He pulls me to him, anchoring his strong arm around me. My chest presses against his, to the dark ink of the dead tree tattoo covering his warm skin. “Then yes,” he says. “It’s time. You know what you need.”
I drive my fingers through his hair. It’s longer now, and I love the way it falls against his pale eyes. “I do. Come here.” He doesn’t hesitate, crushing his lips to mine.
He moves on top of me, his hand working to unrobe me from the smock in hurried, impatient movements. “Did you double knot this thing?” He grunts and yanks the tie loose. Pushing it off my shoulders, his eyes flick over me, hungrily taking me in.
Linking my arms around his neck, I bring his face to mine and kiss him deeply. Then I say against his lips, “Thank you for getting the studio. It’s the best present ever, Holden.”
He palms my cheek, and his thumb sweeps my skin, his intense gaze holding mine. Warmth pools in my stomach. “Just say you’ll be with me always, and we’ll call it even.”
I feel a smile tugging at my lips. Done. Always it is.
He buries his lips in my neck, and I lock my legs around him, pulling him as close as I can get him.
We still have a ways to go before we’re both completely mended. But we’re working at it, every day. And with Holden and me both in sessions twice a month, he’s finally getting the help he needs, too.
Now that his father has married Amber, I try to keep close to her through email. Just letting her know that we’re here, even if Mr. Marks has forbidden her to talk to me now that I’m with his disowned son. She’s an adult, and it’s her choice who she’s with, and who her friends are. But Holden and I hope that if she ever suffers any of the abuse he and Tyler went through, that their mother went through, then she will either ask for our help, or seek it herself.
All we can do is be there for her, and continue to try and work through our own issues.
As Holden’s hand caresses my thigh, I lose all train of thought. I want to revel in the amazing moments we create together. Life is so short, and you never know when something will come along to change everything. Spinning your world into a downward spiral. Trapping you in the darkest part of a mental hell.
But Holden and me, we’ve been to the dark. We’ve faced it. And we now have the tools to pull each other out. Together.
The darkest part is where I found Holden. And he found me.
All the other colors of the rainbow are only a path to our future.
Our always.
–The End–