The Darkest Part (Living Heartwood #1)(69)
He presses his lips together, restraining a frown or a smile, I’m not sure which. Then he looks at me with a forced calm expression. “I’m not that anal.” He cocks his head. “All right. I am, but it’s fine.”
Parking in first and pulling the e-brake, I shut off the engine and just sit for a minute. Driving is a huge thing for me, and now I have to get my mind straight to release more of Tyler’s ashes.
Holden seems to realize that I need a minute and hops out of the truck. I watch as he sinks his hands into his pockets and walks toward the pond. My gaze sweeps over his broad shoulders, the tattoos on his arm. An unbidden memory of his eyes, intense and wanting, enters my mind.
Not the best timing. I’m trying to focus on Tyler, but it’s getting complicated. With a deep inhale, I open the door and get out. Reaching behind the seat, I grab my pack, then walk toward the edge of the pond where Holden is standing. I soak up the bright sun, let it warm some of the hesitant chill sweeping my skin.
“You really have no idea why your brother was so fascinated with seeing Outdoor World?” I keep my sight on the dark, lily pad-covered pond top.
Holden shakes his head. “Not a clue.”
I reach into my pack and bring out the picture box, my stomach already knotting. I thought the more we did this, the easier it would get. But my nerves are extra shaky now, especially after how upset Tyler got back at the pool.
“Can I have this stop?” Holden asks. Shielding my eyes from the sun, I glance up at him. I open my mouth to ask why, but he continues. “I need a moment with my brother.”
The serious look in his eyes tells me this is a no-nonsense moment for him. I swallow hard and, with my resolve locked in place, hand him the box. “I’ll be in the truck.” I try for a smile, but it feels strained.
As I walk back, I take one last look over my shoulder, regret flooding me. But I can’t deny Holden this time with his brother. For whatever reason, he needs this.
After I’m in the truck, I crank the engine and let it idle to drown out his words, just in case he feels the need to speak them aloud. I turn up the volume to give them further privacy, then watch as Holden looks down at the box in his hands. I can’t see if he’s talking or not, but I note the tension in his back and shoulders. I have to look away.
A while later, I jerk upright when I hear the truck door open. I’d shut my eyes just for a minute, and nearly fell asleep. “Ready?”
He nods, long and hard, before he pushes the box under the seat. “Yeah. I think we’re good.” He looks at me, and a slow smile slides across his face. It’s not guarded. Whatever he needed to get off his chest, it’s out there, and I can feel the relief rolling off him.
A full, unguarded smile to match his tugs at my lips. “All right. Then off to Wichita it is.”
As I drop the brake and shift into first, he says, “Why Wichita?”
I almost laugh, remembering when I’d asked that very question of Tyler. “It’s my stop.” From out the corner of my eye, I see his brows pull together. “Hey, you wouldn’t happen to have any Eagles in your case, would you?” I ask, changing the subject before he can ask.
He balks. “Of course.” He tugs out the leather CD case and unzips the side. “Any requests?”
I pull out onto the road. “Yeah. Witchy Woman.”
Holden
Sam turns into the Holiday Inn near downtown Wichita at 11:45 pm. I didn’t think we’d make it here in under the projected MapQuest travel time, but she pulled it off. She drove the whole way, and even kept the speedometer at around seven miles above the speed limit on the highway.
No panic attacks.
I can tell she’s exhausted now? though. Hell, I’m exhausted, and I wasn’t the one driving. For her first time back in the driver’s seat, a four hour stretch from one unfamiliar city to the next is extreme. It’s even more impressive since we’ve already been on the road for days. She’s completely out of her element.
And I was right. Watching her drive my truck was a huge turn on. It didn’t help that she’s still in her jean skirt. I could’ve reminded her about her promise—but I think I’m accepting my fate as a masochist. Thoughts of sliding over to her and running my hand up that skirt, tasting her while she was driving . . . Fucking torture. I had to mentally douse myself with cold water a few times.
With an inward groan, I mentally flog myself for thinking of it again.
Outdoor World was enough to get my head on straight, at least for a while. It’s sad that I had to wait until after my brother’s gone to tell him what I’d been bottling up for years. But, it had to be done. I didn’t lie to Sam. I did promise Tyler that I’d look out for her. We promised that to each other. And I wanted to clarify that agreement.
I may have zero chance with Sam. But if she ever does give me a shot, I won’t back out this time. Not for anyone. Not even his ghost. I know I don’t deserve her, but I’ll try. I’ll try damn hard. I wanted him to know that.
After we drag ass up to the check-in counter, I’m seriously ready to crash. That hour rest wasn’t near enough. With all that’s happened, today seems longer than a day. More like a week. Or a year.
With few words, I get our room, and then we’re in an elevator and on our way up to the fifth floor. Glancing at Sam a couple of times, I take in her proud expression. I envision picking her up and pressing her to the elevator wall and kissing her senseless. I’m that proud of her.