The Darkest Part (Living Heartwood #1)(58)
I can’t honestly say what made me snap back there. Just that with Tyler’s words assaulting my thoughts and the events of last night still fresh on my mind, when Holden brought it up . . . I cracked.
A whole new wave of shame crashes down on me. I can’t ever seem to get out the words I really want to say, and the ones that I do only manage to help me sound crazy. But Holden’s heated words? They did far more damage than I ever thought possible. And I believe he meant every one of them.
He’s a guy who thinks about sex. Period. And I’m, again, just a girl to use in the moment. But had I really thought otherwise? I remember last night clearly, the passion in his eyes liquefying his cool blue and making them blaze. His whispered, excited words, and the intense feeling like I was the only thing in the world to him right then—the only thing for him ever. Yes, I wanted to believe he’d changed.
It would help with my feelings eating a hole through my resolve.
Staring through the windshield at the cobalt sky, I inwardly cringe. I read too many romance novels.
Obviously, Holden has improved his skills, and can charm the lust right into anyone. Even me. Despite our history, somewhere deep inside, I had always hoped he cared about me. I almost convinced myself that Holden had cared, only his issues and his rage and inability to deal with emotions had prevented him from being able to be with me. At least on a serious level.
I glance out my window, taking in the buildings and stores. It’s a city. Just like any other city I’ve ever been to, but there’s a small town feel to this one. More personable. Like an all-American theme. It makes me want to forget the darkness lurking around me and embrace the bright sunshine and smiles.
I wonder if that’s why Tyler picked this place, if he somehow knew. Pulling out the map, I find Springfield and laugh as I read his notes.
Holden clears his throat. Tension still radiates off him. “What is it?”
“Springfield,” I say, trying to evoke a pleasant tone. “Because the Simpsons rule.”
A bright smile that matches our surroundings takes over his face. He shakes his head and looks back at the road.
“I know,” I say. “It’s not really the Springfield from the cartoon, but I guess it was close enough for Tyler.”
Silence settles between us, and I peek at Holden. He’s deep in thought, as if he’s remembering watching the TV show with his brother when they were kids. I decide to let him have his moment, and focus on the overwhelming feeling that being far from home brings.
As he pulls into a parking lot, I check out the towering hotel with more windows than any other building we’ve passed on this street so far. “University Plaza Hotel?”
“What about it?” He shifts into first gear and then turns off the truck. The rumbling of the engine that’s been a comforting barrier between us fades away.
I shrug. “Isn’t this kind of swanky for, like, a road trip, overnight stay?”
He shrugs, too. It’s become our go-to move. Safer than looking each other in the eyes. “I thought we could relax in a decent hotel. And I could really use a good bed.” I swallow hard, and he quickly continues. “For my back.” He looks at me and smiles. It’s forced. “I’m picky about beds. It’s a thing.”
As I open the door and hop down from the truck, the warm air hits my skin, thawing me from the AC inside the cab. I breathe in the thickness. It even smells cleaner here. As we enter the lobby, Holden glances at me. His jaw tightens before he looks ahead again.
“I should pay for this one,” I say. “Really.”
He shakes his head. “I picked a different hotel than what was on the map, so I’ll cover it.”
I don’t argue. I don’t have the fight in me to do so, and when Holden steps up to request the rooms, I look away. After our fiasco last night, and the immense issues it caused today, I’m surprised when he asks for one room instead of two. I look at him and raise my eyebrows.
He faces me and leans against the counter. “We’re not going to let it become a thing. We have a long way to go, and many more hotels.” His pale blue eyes search my face, looking for approval. “It’s just stupid to pay for two.”
I could argue with that logic, especially after I nearly threw myself from a truck to get away from him. But I suck it up. I’m not the one paying, and if I were, I’d only want to pay for one room, too. “It’s all right,” I say, shoving the unease down. “But I’m not claiming we’re grownups this time.”
He winks. “Feel free to freeze my boxers and dip my toothbrush in the toilet.”
A laugh escapes me before I can stop it. “Fair enough.”
As we move through the lobby, Holden whistles. I agree with his sentiment—it’s gorgeous. Water cascades down a tiered fountain into a large stone pool. The walls are golden, like a bit of Italian wealth. Classy. Accent lights set off artwork that both Holden and I can’t help but pause to study every few steps.
It’s such a change of scenery from our last destination that I feel even more removed from our problems. I wonder if that was Holden’s intention. And as he inserts the key card and opens the door to the wide open floor plan, I couldn’t care less.
I run to the bed and fall back. The plush comforter whaps as I land, and then I sink into the cozy softness with a sigh.