The Darkest Part (Living Heartwood #1)(39)

I wanted to trust he was trying to respect my privacy by not bringing it up before, because I knew he had to have heard something. There’s no privacy on the island; everyone talks. But really, I’m sure he just doesn’t want to deal with it. Who would? My own father keeps skipping town so he doesn’t have to.

Besides, I don’t need Holden’s approval. Couldn’t care less. And he has his own reason for doing this trip. Fine. I’m just angry with myself for ever believing that he forced his way into coming because he was actually worried about me. I should’ve known he had his own agenda.

But the truth (most of it) is out now. We’re tolerating each other for Tyler. I almost laugh out loud. It’s like the past all over again. Me being at their house for holidays before Holden left after his graduation, and us uncomfortably smiling and making small talk, all for Tyler.

Only now, I have an inside glimpse into what the two guys in my life were going through during that time. I have the answers to secrets I never even knew existed, but could always sense were there. And it might be wrong to dive into that rabbit hole (Alice didn’t come out unscathed), but it’s now a compulsion. I have to. No matter the outcome.

With Tyler’s permission, at least, I don’t feel as deceitful. Just slightly less slimy. I only wish Holden would trust me. Would trust that I’d never betray Tyler by revealing anything. I’d never tell anyone. Even though I think Holden should do or say something about his father, it’s his place. Not mine.

Tyler can no longer speak up for himself. He needs someone to talk for him. And his brother should be that person.

That’s a whole other argument, though. And I’m choosing my battles. For now.

Sinking into my seat, I pull my paperback higher. I’m still invested in finding any shred of evidence that could help Tyler’s case. If it’s the only thing I can offer Holden once this disaster of a trip ends, then I’ll wade through the dark waters to find it. Tyler deserves at least that.

After a while, Holden groans and shakes his head, interrupting my reading. “What?” I sit up. “If you hate this band so much, why do you have their album?” I mark my place in the journal and flip it and the paperback closed. Then I reach to change the disc.

“No. Hollywood Undead is fine. One of my favorites,” he says, and I instead turn the volume down. “But even they can’t keep me awake at this point.” He checks the time on the dash. He’s been driving nearly two hours, half the distance to our next destination. Memphis, Tennessee.

“You drove, like, three times this long yesterday,” I say. “What’s wrong?”

“I didn’t get much sleep last night.” He widens his eyes, blinks, and I can see the irritated red crowding the white from here.

It’s my fault, I realize. After my blurt last night, he must have sat up worrying over who I might tell, or who I might’ve already told. Guilt kicks me in the gut.

I open my mouth to offer to drive, and shut it. I’m no good for driving on this trip. Biting down on my lip, I fall back into the seat. I hear Holden groan again, deep and rumbling from the back of his throat. “Shit, okay. You’re not doing so hot. Why don’t we pull over in the next town so you can rest? Maybe we can go ahead and pick up something to eat, too.”

He rubs his forehead in thought. “Like a picnic?”

I nearly laugh. The thought of Holden and me having a sweet picnic is that messed up. “Sure,” I say. “Why not.”

We take the next exit and head toward downtown Fulton, Mississippi. Which, as I’m looking around, consists of one main road. Old brick homes litter one side of the street, while small businesses line the other. We pass a couple of motels, and Holden pulls into a McDonalds.

“This all right with you?” he asks.

“It’s fine. I didn’t really see anything else.”

“We could keep going. Look around.”

I shake my head. He’s tired and needs to sleep. “Big Mac, large fry, chocolate shake. Oh, and an apple pie.”

His head pulls back. “And where do you put all that?” His gaze purposefully travels over my frame. Heat splashes my cheeks.

“I’m not one of those girls who doesn’t eat. I like food.” I raise an eyebrow. “And besides, I’m still suffering some of a hangover. The grease will help soak up the alcohol.”

He laughs before placing our order. Once we’re back on the main road, I’m tempted to tell Holden that I can drive. At least in a small town, I might be all right. There’s not many cars on the road, and I might be able to pull it off for a few minutes. But he turns into a park near an old church before I can work up the courage.

I grab the paper bags while he rummages behind the seat. As I walk in the short yellow grass, I look up at the overcast sky. This place looks thirsty, and the dry grass could use a rain shower. I just hope it holds off until we’re gone.

Spotting an oak tree in the middle of the barren park not far from the playground, I head toward it. The tree is beautiful, with a massive dark trunk and huge, sprawling braches that reach into the sky. The lower ones droop and twist just above the ground. I imagine kids love to climb it. I’d love to climb it.

Holden walks up beside me carrying a blue and green plaid blanket. “Wow. Couldn’t have found a better place.”

I glance at him, feeling my brows pull together. “Didn’t know you loved trees so much.”