The Darkest Part (Living Heartwood #1)(21)

Taking the chance that Amber would be more understanding (women often are), I waited until Mr. Marks left for work, then apologized to her for upsetting him, as I’m sure my request had. Then I told her that I would work up to telling him how sorry I was, but he had always intimated me.

She was more sympathetic than I thought she’d be, saying that her fiancé doesn’t know the boom of his own voice. Then she let me into Tyler’s room. I just needed to see it one last time.

Everything from his residence hall apartment had been moved there, mostly still in boxes, and nothing else had changed since the day he left for college. I knew what I was looking for, I just didn’t know where to start. But with luck, I quickly found both things. Like I was meant to.

As I stare down at my pack, a sliver of doubt wedges its way into my thoughts, making me question . . . everything.

But, Tyler is able to tell me what he wants. They are his ashes, and his wishes should be honored. As long as Tyler is strong enough to materialize near me, as long as I’m anchoring him on this plane, he can go on his trip. I won’t feel guilty for giving him this.

With my conscious in check, and my nerves slightly more under control, I pull out a paperback to get lost in.

A distorted voice blares over the speaker system, announcing it’s time to board the train, and I quickly slip my novel into the zipper compartment of my pack and then thread it over my shoulder. My stomach’s tossing with nausea (probably should’ve skipped the donut), and my chest flutters with heart palpitations.

Once I get seated on the train, I’ll feel better. Safe. No turning back. I force my feet to keep moving. This is the first time I’ve ever done anything alone.

And I’m scared shitless.

But then I remember that I’m not alone. Tyler’s with me. And this is the trip we were meant to take together. I’m not alone.

Before I step onto the platform, someone shouts my name. Oh, no. No no no no.

“Sam!” Holden calls again.

I turn around and watch as he marches toward me, a deep scowl etched between his brows. Crap. Glancing back at the train, I wonder if I can make a run for it. But he’d just follow me. I need to set him straight now.

“I thought we had a deal?” he says, once he’s right before me, looking down with anger flashing in his blue eyes.

“Sucks when someone backs out on you, doesn’t it?” I immediately regret my words. This isn’t about Holden and me, or anything to do with our past. I was over that a long time ago. I just can’t help throwing it in his face. I never got the chance to speak my mind, and it’s like we’re picking up right where we left off.

He drives a hand, now bandaged with gauze, through his dark tousled hair and pulls his bottom lip into his mouth, working the studded half ring. His nervous habit. “I’m not letting you go off by yourself.”

I shrug. “It’s not really your call. I’m a grown ass woman who can do what she wants, and this trip has nothing to do with you.”

Hurt and anger and maybe even a bit of desperation swirls in his eyes. “He’s my brother. It has everything to do with me.”

Shit. “That’s not what I meant.” I sigh, and look down at my black Converse. They’re dirty and scuffed, and one’s ripped down the side. I’ve had them forever, and Tyler hated them. “It’s just . . . this was our trip. I need to do it—” I break off, not sure how to explain this to him. “Look. I’m a smart cookie.”

“I know that.”

“I can take care of myself, and what’s more, I need to do this on my own.”

He shakes his head. “No way. I get what you’re saying, and if there was a way without me losing sleep, worrying about you being abducted and traded on the black market, or attacked by gangbangers—”

“Where do you get that?”

“Listen to me!”

My head snaps back. He’s serious.

He blows out a heavy breath. “I’m all for women’s lib and all that shit, but I don’t care. The world is still f*cking dangerous. You’re young and beautiful . . . and there’re just too many bad things that could happen.”

I press my lips together, trying to ignore the heat that splashes the back of my neck at hearing him say I’m beautiful. Bastard.

The overhead speaker announces the last boarding call.

“Shit, Holden—” I look back at the train, desperate to be on it.

“You’re not getting on that train.”

He says it like a dare, and that just makes me want to be on the train all the more. “You can’t stop me.”

His eyebrows hike. “If you take one step toward it, I will throw you over my shoulder and haul you out of this station.”

I flinch. Granted I haven’t really spoken to him in years, but he’s far bolder than I remember. And, he’s bluffing. I glance around, hoping Tyler will appear and confirm that his brother is full of crap. Only it’s morning, and Tyler’s been having trouble materializing this early.

I take a step backward, keeping my eyes locked on Holden’s.

“Sam,” he says, my name a warning.

I take a shuddering breath at my next admission. “I won’t be alone.” Then I step backward again, gradually putting distance between us.

Holden unlaces his arms as his face pulls together in a confused expression. But he doesn’t ask. Which I’m thankful for. Instead, he says, “Don’t take another step.”