The Confessions(16)

“Surely there is something you can repent of that you don’t plan on doing again the minute you leave this room?”

“Not the very minute I leave the room. My flight home isn’t until tomorrow. I’m only in New York for the weekend to see a special client.”

“How about that? Do you repent of your work with your clients?”

“No, sorry,” she said with a sigh. “I love being a Dominatrix. And I don’t have sex with my clients. I’m basically a massage therapist—except instead of using my hands, I use canes and whips and floggers. It’s deep tissue massage. Very deep tissue.”

“Well…have you killed anyone?”

“Not since my last confession.”

“That’s a comfort, I suppose. Committed adultery?”

“No. I mean, I have, but not recently. I’ve confessed, been absolved. Old news, like you said.”

“You’re a busy lady.”

“The busiest.”

“Keeping the Sabbath?”

“I do go to Mass and take Communion at least once a week.”

“You’re honoring your mother right now by coming to me to confess as she asked you to. What about honoring your father?”

“He’s also dead.”

“Well, screw that Commandment then. Hmm…”

“You’re fun,” she said. “I like you.”

“No flirting, wicked girl. I know I’m your type.”

“I can’t help it,” she said. “I spread for Roman collars. What are the other Commandments again? I’m sure I’ve broken one of them.”

“Have you coveted your neighbor’s ass?”

“My neighbor is a very nice older lady who always calls me Nellie for some reason and as much as I like Mrs. Mendez, I do not covet her ass.”

“Have you born false witness against anyone?”

“I’ve never been sure exactly what that means.”

“Complicated, I suppose. Most white lying is a venial sin. I think it’s only a mortal sin if you lie under oath against someone.”

“Haven’t done that either. Lies of omission? S?ren doesn’t know I’m here.”

“Venial.” He wished he had his Catechism with him. If he remembered correctly, he’d left it in the bathroom on the back of the toilet. “Have you made any graven images and worshiped them?”

“I’m too lazy to be an idolater. No golden calves in my house. I do have a porcelain cat with ruby eyes—real rubies, a gift from a client—but I don’t worship it. It’s a miracle if I remember to dust it.”

“Do you take the Lord’s name in vain?”

“I’m Catholic. Of course I do, God dammit.”

“You’ll have to do better than that for a mortal sin. Have you stolen anything?”

“Only hearts.”

“You’re a tough nut to crack, young lady.”

“Aww…you called me ‘young lady.’ That made my day.”

“I’m supposed to be shriving you, not stroking your ego. You have to give me a sin, a real one. Did we cover them all?” He raised his hands and started ticking numbers off on his fingers. “No other gods—check. No graven images—check. I don’t count having a dirty mouth as taking the Lord’s name in vain.”

“Thank God.”

“You remember the Sabbath Day—check. You can’t honor your mother and father because they’re dead. Haven’t killed anyone since your last confession. Or committed adultery. Or stolen. Or bore false witness. Or coveted your neighbor’s ass. No coveting your neighbor’s wife?”

“Who counts as my neighbor again?”

“Everyone on Earth, my dear.”

“We might have a problem then.”

“About bloody time. Tell me about your neighbor’s wife. Do you fancy her? I hope so. Spare no detail.”

She laughed softly and shook her head. “It’s not like that. Although she is…she’s very beautiful.”

“And you covet her?”

“Not carnally.”

“I’m gutted. How is it then?”

“It’s complicated. I don’t even know what I’m confessing. I just…I want to talk about it with someone, and I can’t talk about it with him. Or with her. Or with the other him. Or the other him.”

“How many hims do you have?”

“S?ren, Kingsley, Zach, and Nico. I can’t tell S?ren because it’s about him. I can’t tell Kingsley because S?ren wouldn’t want me to tell him about this particular situation. I can’t tell Zach because it’s about his wife, and I can’t tell Nico because I keep my relationship with him separate from my relationship with S?ren and vice versa. I need a new him to talk to. So…you’re him.”

“You have as many hims as a hymnal.”

“You’re telling me, Father.”

“Let’s start at the beginning. This lady in question—what’s her name?”

“Her name is Grace.”

“Ah. Now we’re getting somewhere.”

“He’s told you about her? About his son?”