The Charm Offensive(44)
Somehow, it’s still the best night Dev’s had in a long, long time.
Charlie
Oh, he thinks with a sinking realization. I’m dead.
Death is waking up in a strange bed with a railroad spike drilled into his brain and lead for limbs and a very shaky understanding of the past twelve hours.
He has never been this hungover.
He tries to sit up in the hotel bed and immediately vomits on himself. He goes to the bathroom to clean off the vomit and proceeds to vomit again into the toilet for an undetermined length of time. Jules arrives while he is sitting on the floor of the shower under the hot water, still wearing his outfit from the night before.
“Yeah…” Jules sets tea and a bottle of Excedrin on the counter for him. “This looks about right.”
“Did I do anything to humiliate myself last night?”
The night is nothing but a blur of Lady Gaga songs and tequila. So, so much tequila.
Jules takes a while in answering. “Depends on your definition of humiliating…” Was she faking her shots? She looks perfectly perky, and she’s exactly half his body weight. “You got shit-faced drunk and danced to a lot of Lady Gaga in a drag club. Does that sound humiliating?”
“The way I dance? Probably.”
Jules sits down on the closed toilet seat and pulls out her phone. On her Instagram story, there is a video of Jules and Skylar teaching him the moves to “Bad Romance.” It actually doesn’t look humiliating at all. It looks kind of fun. He looks like he’s having fun.
“You also spent a lot of time trying to pimp Dev out to random gay dudes.”
Dev.
It all comes back to him. Dev’s tongue, and Dev’s hips under his hips, and Dev against that brick wall, and Dev—
Oh, shit. What did I do? What did I do?
Charlie curls into the fetal position inside the shower. This is what regret tastes like: regurgitated tequila and dirty cotton balls.
As if Charlie’s shame is strong enough to summon Dev, he walks in through the open bathroom door wearing sunglasses and carrying the world’s largest cup of coffee. “We’ve got to get downstairs to film the greeting scene with the contestants. Are we ready to go?”
“Charlie is sitting fully clothed in a shower, so no.”
“Get it together, Charles. We have work to do,” Dev says condescendingly. He then casually turns and throws up into the sink.
“Gross!” Jules screams.
“You were sitting on the toilet seat! What was I supposed to do?”
Jules covers her nose and mouth, rushing from the bathroom, and Dev blots vomit from the corner of his mouth, looking as dignified as possible. They’re alone, both of them smelling like vomit and each refusing to speak first. Charlie stares up at him through the shower water. Dev stares down at him through his sunglasses. Charlie has no idea what’s going on inside Dev’s head.
Maybe Dev forgot?
“How… how much do you remember of last night?” Dev finally asks.
Everything. He remembers every damn second.
Charlie kissed Dev last night. He kissed Dev, and it was what kissing is supposed to feel like. He enjoyed kissing Dev in a way he’s never enjoyed kissing anyone. He’s overwhelmed by the clarity of this fact, and he’s overwhelmed by the confusion of what happens next. He kissed Dev, but he knows he can never kiss him again, not without ruining this season and Dev’s entire career. Not without hurting the ten women who are still on this show to date him and not without destroying his chance to rebuild his reputation.
It was a mistake. He made a huge mistake. But Dev is standing there handing them an out with this question—a way to undo what happened—and Charlie doesn’t think about what he wants. He thinks about what he needs to do.
“I don’t remember much.” Charlie swallows the sick rising in his throat. “I can remember getting to the dance club, and that’s… it.”
“Okay.” Dev’s face is unreadable behind the sunglasses. “Okay.”
Then he marches out of the bathroom, calling, “Jules! Will you please get him dressed?”
Jules comes back into the bathroom and tries to hoist Charlie into a standing position. He immediately vomits again. She smirks. “Today should be fun.”
* * *
Absolutely none of it is fun.
He’s so hungover he can barely film the welcome scene with the contestants in the French Quarter. Even by Tuesday’s Group Quest, he doesn’t feel wholly recovered. He meets the ten remaining women at Mardi Gras World, and they receive a tour where they learn about the history of the parade. Then they’re taken to a warehouse where the women are divided into two teams tasked with building their own Mardi Gras parade floats, even though it’s June.
The producers want him to mingle with the women while they work on their floats, and he gravitates toward Daphne first before he remembers they also have awkward, kiss-related drama. “Uh, hey,” he starts.
Daphne smiles shyly up at him. “Hey. I’ve been hoping to talk to you.” She leads him—and by extension, two cameras—across the warehouse to where the other women won’t overhear. “I just really wanted to apologize about the ball,” she says, fiddling with her braid. “I shouldn’t have, um, thrown myself at you like that.”