The Charm Offensive(18)

* * *



“Are you okay?” Jules asks as they stumble out of the meeting.

“Of course I’m okay,” he says automatically, even as the words go full crazy rattle around in his head. “I’m always okay.”

Jules doesn’t push it. She follows him down a short hallway toward the museum showroom where Megan and Charlie are eating dinner amidst a collection of contemporary sculptures. As soon as Charlie spots them behind the cameras, he makes a get me out of here face at Dev, like he thinks this is a normal date, and Dev can text him with some fake emergency about his cat.

“What are we going to do, Jules?”

“Sit back and watch it burn?”

He shakes his head, scrubs a hand up and down his face, almost knocking off his glasses. “I know I can find a way to make him fall for one of these women if I can just get him to loosen the fuck up. I just need… I need… I don’t know. Something to… argh. It’s not usually this hard.”

Jules tilts her head and peers up at him with her usual look of concern. She opens her mouth, closes her mouth, then sighs. “Okay, fine. You want my actual advice on how to crack him?” She takes a dramatic pause. “Exposure therapy.”

“Which is… what, exactly?”

Jules points to Charlie and Megan. “Somehow, that fine-ass man sitting over there becomes an anxiety-ridden mess every time he’s in a high-pressure social setting. It’s as if the concept of dating triggers all his neuroses. And what do you do to treat an anxiety disorder?”

“I think he’s already on meds.” Jules raises an eyebrow. “What? I maybe went through his things in the bathroom. I’m his handler.”

“You’re unscrupulous is what you are. And no. I mean, I’m sure the meds help, but that’s not all.”

“I’m a therapy dropout. Just tell me the answer.”

Jules adopts a condescending tone. “You gradually expose the patient to the source of the anxiety to desensitize them. Charlie needs to go on dates without the stress of the cameras. He needs to be exposed to non-stressful dating scenarios.”

“Okay, I am not sure any of this is psychiatrically sound, but also, it’s kind of genius.”

She shrugs. “I know.”

“We have him go on practice dates,” he says, excited now, because yes, this could work. Charlie can’t date the contestants without the cameras, but they get time off after each Crowning Ceremony. “Jules, you could take him out on a date Sunday, just the two of you. Help him get more comfortable. Teach him how to relax.”

“Oh, I can’t be his practice girlfriend.” Jules pointedly adjusts her nonexistent breasts inside her crop top. “I’m too hot.”

“Not sure how that’s relevant.”

“It would be a Kate Hudson rom-com situation,” she says with a straight face. “He’d fall in love with me while we’re fake-dating. The season would be destroyed, and we’d both get sued. Is that what you want, Dev?”

He laughs, but when they look over at Charlie again, he makes eye contact with Jules and blushes, ducking his head toward his plate. So maybe she’s not entirely wrong.

“Shit,” is all Dev says. Because it is a good idea. And because Dev is the one who’s supposed to charm him.





Story notes for editors: Season 37, Episode 2

Story producer:

Ryan Parker

Air date:

Monday, September 20, 2021

Executive producer:

Maureen Scott

Scene: Week-one Crowning Ceremony Location: Ever After castle Mark Davenport: [Medium shot of M.D. approaching from the left.] Maidens, there is only one tiara remaining. If your name is not called, that means your quest has ended.

Charles Winshaw: [Close-up of his hands picking up the last remaining tiara; cut to footage of Megan, Sarah, and Amy, the only remaining women without tiaras; cut back to Charles; hold the moment for five seconds.] Megan. [Cut to shot of Megan stepping down off the risers.] Megan, are you interested in becoming my princess?

Megan: Of course.

[Cut to confessionals after the C.C.]

Megan: I wasn’t really worried he wouldn’t pick me. We have insane chemistry. These other women just don’t have that kind of connection with Charles.

Amy: I can’t believe I’m going home at the end of week one. I feel like Charles didn’t give us a proper chance. I know we’d be perfect together. We have so much in common.

Producer [off camera]: What’s something you and Charles have in common?

Amy [muttering over the sound of her sniffles]: You know, we’re both, uh, blond. And I know I could’ve made him happy if he’d given me that chance. Why doesn’t any man want to give me a chance? [Stay tight on her crying for three seconds.]


Maureen’s note to editors: Make a moment of this woman’s pathetic desperation.





WEEK TWO


Pasadena—Sunday, June 13, 2021

14 Contestants and 56 Days Remaining





Dev


“I was thinking we could go get brunch together this morning.”

Charlie pauses in the diligent peeling of his banana and looks up all wide-eyed and startled. “Um. Why?”