The Bride (The Bride #1)(38)

His jaw clenched. “I was so… so fucking mad at you.”

“Then that’s it. That’s all it was. Because we’re getting divorced in thirty-eight days. Do you get that? That means you move out. Completely. You go to your ranch, I stay on mine and we see each other… whenever. Which with all the work you have and all the work I have means hardly ever. We will hardly ever see each other. Is that what you want?”

He started laughing that. A harsh and ugly sound. I never wanted to hear it again. He sat on the couch like his legs couldn’t hold him and looked up at me. “Are you that fucking na?ve?”

That hurt. Like he’d slapped me.

“Not cool, Jake,” I said stiffly.

He sighed then and stood up. He walked over to me and took my hands. I was tempted to snap them back but I thought it would make me look immature, and after having just been called na?ve, I was trying to avoid that.

“I’m sorry. I’m… I don’t know what I am. But I’ve been taking it out on you and I know that. It’s fair for you to be pissed off.”

“I didn’t do anything wrong.”

He glared at me. “You fucking took yourself off the line, Ellie.”

“To save a calf, Jake. I’m a rancher. That’s what we do. That’s what you would have done.”

“I’m a hell of a lot stronger than you.”

This time I did pull my hands back. I didn’t want him touching me.

“I can’t control that! You know that. You know I can’t cut fence, even with those stupid wire cutters you got me for Christmas. You know I can birth a calf, but I can’t lift one clear off the ground. You know all of this. So why don’t you just say it? I can’t do this. You’re mad at me, really mad at me, because you know I can’t do this by myself and you feel guilty for leaving. Admit it.”

“Ellie… I drove out to my old home yesterday.”

He’d left. I knew that. I presumed it was to do a check in with some of the neighbors. But that made sense. The wind had been brutal. It didn’t look like we had sustained any damage to the house or barn, but where his house was located it was a little higher up on a ridge. More exposed. Of course he needed to check on it.

Still, I didn’t understand what that had to do with anything. “Okay.”

“It’s gone.”

“What’s gone?”

“The house. The roof is gone or collapsed. The north facing side is also collapsed. It was in bad shape when I left it six years ago. I’ve only been barely doing what I could to keep it livable for when… it doesn’t matter. Now it’s gone.”

“But you can rebuild it?”

“In time.”

That muscle in his jaw was still ticking and I knew it. I knew he was seeing a completed puzzle while I was still looking at individual pieces. That was Jake. Always the man with perspective on everything.

I was sick of it.

“Fine, I’m stupid. I’m na?ve. Whatever. What aren’t you telling me?”

He lowered his eyes. “I didn’t take a hard count, but it was easy enough to see… we lost about half the herd. Saved only those calves we managed to pull out that first day.”

This time I sat down. I tried to wrap my head around the numbers. I knew what we’d made last year with double that. I knew what losing so many calves would do to us next year.

I knew that in thirty-eight days I had pay Jake twenty thousand dollars he was owed so that he could buy his land.

Land that no longer had a place for him to live. Because his house was gone.

Which seemed fitting, since I knew I no longer had twenty thousand dollars to give him anyway.

Then he said the thing he’d already figured out. The conclusion I was struggling to get to.

“I’m not going anywhere in thirty-eight days, Ellie.”

I can’t explain how it hurt. It was really sharp and piercing. Like being back in the hot water when I had been so cold.

He sat down next to me and I shifted away from him. Suddenly it all made sense.

He knew what damage the storm had done. He knew he had nowhere to go and there would be no money to pay him off anyway.

Which meant there was no point in getting divorced. Which meant everyone would think…

The worst of him. That he’d been screwing me all along.

“We can still get divorced…” I said, and stopped when he put his hand on my knee.

“I’m not sure what’s worse. I stay here and we’re not married. I stay here and we are. But what I do know is I can’t leave you. Not now. You’re right, you can’t do this on your own, and now there is no money to bring someone on to help. Storms like this are once every twenty, thirty years. They happen, and ranching operations survive, but it’s going to take years, Ellie.”

I nodded. “You’re trapped. Wow. It’s like a fucking prison sentence. Sure, Jake. Marry me. Sixteen months. What’s the big deal…”

He squeezed my knee to stop me from speaking, but I couldn’t hold the words inside.

“You’ll hate me. When all this is done, you’ll resent and hate me.”

“I will not. Not ever.”

But he would. How could he not? I could feel tears happening and I swallowed a bunch of times to try to force them down. “The whole time I thought you were mad at me because… but really you’re mad that you’re stuck here.”