The Bride (The Bride #1)(29)

But that’s when I knew something had changed. I had seen him not as Jake but as a man, and now he knew I was freaked out by it, enough that I needed some distance.

On a scale of one to ten, this event was definitely a solid eight.





Eleven





Ellie

November





Wow. Whoa. Holy freak. Eww, gross. Was that even humanly possible?

You probably want to know what I was doing. Frankly, I was watching porn. That’s right, porn.

I was a healthy teenager, not having sex, but I had… curiosity. Given that every guy in school had completely frozen me out, thanks to Jake. Because even though he said he didn’t say anything to anyone, I know he must have said something to someone because this was not just retaliation to Bobby being an asshole.

This was something else.

Whatever. It didn’t matter. I had already reconciled that cows were my future, but now that I had seen my first penis I was simply curious how it stacked up.

Hello internet. Google search porn and penises and… Voila.

All the dick a girl could ever want to see. And no lie, there was some dick I hoped I never saw again.

I was so focused on what I was seeing that I didn’t hear Jake calling to me as he came through the back door.

“Ellie didn’t you hear me?”

“Eeek!”

Obviously I didn’t hear him or I would have shut off my laptop well in advance of him coming into the kitchen. Instead I made that horribly girly noise and slammed down the lid of the laptop as fast as I could, which immediately made me look suspicious.

Also my blazing red cheeks.

Girly noise.

Slamming laptop lid.

Red cheeks.

It all spelled porn surfing.

However, I was a girl. Which meant I might get away with it if Jake didn’t suspect I would ever be doing such a thing.

“What were you doing?” Nice leading opening salvo by him.

I looked at him—well, at his left ear. I shrugged. “Nothing.”

“Ellie.”

“Jake.”

“Do I want to see what you have up on your laptop?”

“I’m going to go with a solid no on that.”

He sighed. It was his dad sigh. Something I’m sure his future children would learn to hate.

For me it ranked with being called kiddo and him ruffling my hair.

“Ellie, do I need to worry about you getting into some online trouble? You know the internet is dangerous. You have to be careful.”

Was he kidding me? Did he tell me I had to be careful on the internet?

It made me angry. Angry enough that I wanted to hurt him.

“Fine, you want to know what I was doing? I was checking out porn.”

“Ellie…” I could see him closing his eyes.

“What? I’m curious. I saw your dick and I thought I would compare it…”

Then his eyes blasted open. “Compare! Compare? Ellie, for fuck’s sake don’t ever say that to a guy. You never ever say the word compare!”

Hookay. That was a life lesson. I had never seen him get so freaked out. Now he was pacing back and forth in front of the island, hands on his hips.

“Geezus. Compare? With porn stars. Those men are professionals, Ellie. What the hell.”

I’d started out being angry with him for treating me like a child, but this was freaking hysterical.

He must have seen me trying desperately to hold back my laughter.

“This is serious. This is not a joke. You don’t… say things like that.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know you would freak out like this.”

“Any guy would freak out.” He ran his hand through his hair. “Any guy.”

“Got it.”

“And… porn is for guys. There, I said it. Call me a sexist, call me whatever. But it’s meant for and geared to guys.”

“You mean guys also like to look at other men’s penises?”

He winced. “Some guys. I don’t know, it doesn’t matter. Just… cool it. And stay away from that crap. It’s not real.”

I rolled my eyes. “You’re such a prude, Jake.”

“I’m not a prude,” he mumbled. “I asked you if we had to talk about what happened and you said no.”

“Because we didn’t. Why can’t you get it through your head that I’m interested in sex? It’s a highly normal, healthy thing. Stop making me out to be a perv.”

“I’m not making you out to be a perv. I just don’t—”

“Want me to have sexual thoughts. I got it. You know why? Because you want to think I’ll be ten forever. Well, I’m not.” I held up my hand. “Five months, Jake. Five months and I’m an adult and this is all mine. When that happens, and I’m no longer under your protection, I hope to hell there’s a line of guys waiting out that door for me because I plan to bang every one of them.”

His jaw got tight and hard and I knew what was coming next, so I beat him to the punch line.

“You know what?” I said, grabbing my laptop. “I can’t have this conversation with you right now. You’re on your own for dinner.”

I left and felt particularly justified in my fury.