The Bride Test(64)

She licked her lips and adjusted her hands so she could hold him as he held her. Several times, she started to speak but stopped before any words came out.

“Do you want me to go first, then?” he asked.

“No, I can.” She sucked in another breath and chewed on her bottom lip before she said, “When I first came here, I had reasons to marry you. Lots of reasons. And I got close to you for those reasons. But then …” Her eyes met his. “Then I got to know you.” Her fingers tightened around his. “And I got close because I wanted to be close. A lot of times, I forget my reasons. Because I’m happy. With you. You make me happy.”

Khai’s chest filled, and his heart raced, and he couldn’t help smiling. There were an infinite number of reasons to exist on this earth, but that seemed the most important of them all—making Esme happy.

“I’m glad,” he said.

“Maybe it’s too fast, maybe it’s not smart, but …” She smiled slowly, her eyes soft and liquid in the moonlight, and said in clear English, “I love you.”

His lungs stopped breathing. His heart stopped beating.

Esme loved him.

Warmth bubbled over him in overwhelming wave. What had he done that she loved him? He’d do it a million more times. He brought her hands to his mouth and breathed a kiss to her knuckles. He couldn’t speak, had no clue what to say.

Looking beautiful beyond compare with the moon and the stars and the water behind her, a teasing smile curved over her mouth, and she asked, “Do you love me? Maybe just a little?”

He went cold.

Not that question. Why had she asked that question?

He could give her every thing she wanted, a green card, real diamonds, his body, but love?

Stone hearts didn’t love.

He didn’t want to answer the question. All of him rebelled against it.

But he made himself admit the truth. “I don’t.”

She blinked and shook her head before she smiled again. “You love me more than a little.”

“No, Esme.” He stepped back and let go of her. “I’m sorry … but I don’t love you a lot or a little. I don’t love you at all.”

I can’t.

Her face went slack, her eyes wide, watery. “Not at all?” she whispered.

“I don’t love you.” His entire being hurt like it was imploding. “I never will.”

“This isn’t funny,” she said.

“I’m not joking. I’m completely serious.”

She didn’t say a single word. She just stared at him as fat tears spilled down her face. He wanted to take his words back. He wanted to erase her sadness. He’d do almost anything to make her smile again.

But he couldn’t lie about this. She’s asked him the question, and she deserved to know the answer.

? ? ?

I don’t love you. I never will.

Esme’s heart broke apart, and the jagged pieces stabbed at her from the inside. At the same time, shame doused her, heavy, suffocating shame. She knew why he couldn’t love her. She could go to school, change her clothes, and change her speech, but she could never change where she’d come from. The bottom of the bottom. So poor she couldn’t afford to finish high school, so different even other poor people looked down on her, so low she couldn’t climb free, not in Vi?t Nam. With all he’d done for her, she’d thought he saw beyond the things she couldn’t change and valued her for who she was inside. But he didn’t. According to his words, he never would.

Backing away from him, she said, “I’m sorry to bother you. I’ll go.”

He shook his head, his expression focused yet unreadable. “You don’t bother me.”

A laugh bordering on hysterical escaped her lips. “I don’t understand.” She turned to run, but he stopped her with a firm grip on her arm.

“We’re not done yet.”

She dragged in a breath and braced herself for the worst, almost afraid to look at him for fear of what he’d say.

“We should get married.”

Her body sagged in confusion. “What?”

“I wouldn’t mind you staying with me long enough to get your naturalization papers. After that, we could have a quick divorce. That would work out for both of us, I think,” he said with a tight wrinkle of his lips. Maybe he meant it to be a smile.

She shook her head. She’d heard his words, but they didn’t make any sense. “Why marry me if you don’t love me?”

“I’ve gotten used to you being in my house and in my bed and—”

At the mention of his bed, fierce heat flooded her face, and she ducked her head. The sex. He wanted more sex. Of course he did. He’d been a virgin before this, and they were really good together. But she couldn’t do it when it was making love for her and just sex for him.

“No.” She brushed his hand off her arm and stepped back. “I can’t marry you.”

His forehead creased as he frowned. “I don’t understand why.”

“Because it will hurt too much.” Because she loved him. If it was just a cold arrangement between strangers, maybe she could have done it. This marriage could do so much for Jade. But not if it destroyed her mother first.

Kh?i was not the solution. She had to keep looking and find another way.