The Baller: A Down and Dirty Football Novel(63)
Willow.
Chapter 32
Brody
Football players were supposed to be tough. Ten three-hundred-and-fifty-pound men piled on, kicking and scratching, elbowing and clawing, to get at the lone guy holding a scrap of leather. I’d been the guy on the bottom of the pile a hundred times. We got back up, brushed the dirt from our eyelashes, discreetly straightened a dislocated thumb, and jumped back into the action for another round.
But tough had its limits. Even a diamond, if you hit it at the exact right place, the spot where it was flawed and weak, would sometimes shatter. Marlene was my weak spot.
Willow cried while the doctor spoke. She didn’t make it past no functional brain activity. Silent tears fell as he continued on about our choices, one worse than the other. But I held strong. Even thanked him before he left, saying he would come back later that afternoon to discuss our decision. When I closed the door behind him, there was just enough time to catch Willow before she fell.
She crumpled in my arms, her shoulders shaking, body trembling, sobs racking her body. The croak in her howl revealed her physical pain. I held tighter.
Hours later, she was better—patched back up as best as I could. Hell, she’d even laughed a few times in the last hour as we played Wheel of Fortune, one of us on either side of Marlene as we wrote down our guesses.
The last puzzle had most definitely been a mood changer.
Category: Thing.
UCK E IN THE A_ _ TONIGHT.
Really?
Only one of us had gotten LUCK BE IN THE AIR TONIGHT. And it definitely wasn’t me.
After a good laugh, Willow went down to the cafeteria to grab us some lunch. An aide came in and changed Marlene’s pillows and refreshed the pink plastic pitcher with new water. She straightened up a bit and nodded before she left.
Busying myself, I noticed she had left the bedside drawer open just a little, so I walked over to shut it. But for some reason, I opened it first. Inside was only one thing—Marlene’s powder-blue denture case. They had taken her teeth out when they put the breathing tube down her throat. I stared at it—I had no idea why, it was certainly a random enough thing to set me off, but seeing that case made me lose it. I bawled like a bitch.
It had been years since I cried.
When I heard the door open behind me, I was still standing in front of the open drawer. I shut it, leaned down, kissed Marlene on the forehead and went to the bathroom without turning around for Willow to see my face.
***
This morning with Delilah felt like days ago. Between emotions running high and a day of marathon game shows, I hadn’t texted her an update all day. I dug my phone out of my pocket and powered it on.
Brody: Still at the hospital. Leaving soon for practice. Coming back here tonight after. Doctors are going to turn off the ventilator at nine.
Delilah: That’s good, right?
Brody: No.
Delilah: Oh God. I’m sorry. I thought you meant there was an improvement.
Brody: It’s what she would have wanted.
Delilah: I’m glad you know that, and I hope that brings you some peace.
Brody: Breakfast tomorrow, maybe?
Our texts were flowing fast, but there was a long pause before her next response.
Delilah: I actually have a breakfast meeting I can’t miss. Lunch, maybe?
Brody: OK.
Delilah: Call me whenever you need tonight. The time doesn’t matter. I’ll be thinking of you.
That night, Willow and I took turns saying goodbye to Marlene before the doctor came in. I don’t remember saying goodbye to my mother—I was too young when she died. But I imagined it felt an awful lot like saying those last words to Marlene did.
I looked down at her frail body. “There are so many things you taught me over the years. To never give up. To love someone worth loving, flaws and all. Hell, I can say someone isn’t all there in their head a thousand and one ways because of you. But you also taught me the one thing I need most right now: When life knocks you down, stop and look around for one thing that’s good, because there is always something. Then cling to that good.” I kissed her forehead one last time and covered her hand with mine. “Here’s the good I’m holding on to today. I’m lucky to have known someone who was so hard to say goodbye to.”
I couldn’t possibly have hidden my tears from anyone that time.
Not long after we said our goodbyes, the doctor removed the breathing and feeding tubes and turned off all of the monitors. I didn’t know what I’d expected, but she simply stopped breathing.
Marlene Elizabeth Garner died at 1:03 a.m.
Chapter 33
Willow
Life is filled with a series of tethers. Imaginary threads that connect us to people from the moment we’re cut from our mother’s cord. I’d spent the first twenty-five years of my life trying to cut those threads and fly high, out of reach. It wasn’t until eleven months ago that I woke up one morning and realized those tethers weren’t chains that were keeping me down. They were lifelines, and my threads were so frayed, there were virtually no lines left to my life. Last night—or maybe it was actually today, I wasn’t even sure anymore since one day had blurred into the next—the strongest thread that had ever existed in my life was cut away.
Brody handled all of the plans. Tonight we would have a small service at my grandmother’s church. Tomorrow we would drive to the cemetery and lay her to rest. And then . . . I didn’t know what came after that. I only knew I didn’t want to lose Brody again.