The Accidental Countess (Accidental #2)(41)

“Thank you for that, Miss Bunbury. You are very kind. Especially given that it may have been difficult to hear of a broken engagement, considering your circumstances. As for my brother, I…” His thoughts flashed back to the letter from Cassie, the one she’d sent last night. Apparently, she was not in the country. She’d returned to London for some reason. She said she looked forward to seeing him and she’d heard that Donald was missing and might be in danger. Julian wasn’t certain how she’d found out.

“I know you’re worried, Julian,” her letter had read. “I know you love him, you miss him, and I pray that he comes back safe and sound. But I also know that you’re thinking you can’t do it, fill his shoes if it comes to that. And I want you to know that you can. You will. I have every confidence in you.”

Cassie, as always, had got right to the heart of his deepest fear and she’d reassured him. It was just what he’d needed to hear, right when he’d needed to hear it. And it had come from Cassie. Cassie, whom he missed. Cassie, whom he’d yet to see since he’d returned. She was more than a friend. She was …

In love with another man. Possibly Upton. That’s why Upton was making him so blasted angry this evening.

“You needn’t explain, Captain Swift,” Miss Bunbury said, rousing him from his thoughts. “May I ask you something? Something a bit … forward?”

He inclined his head and grinned at her. “I think it’s only fair.”

She took a deep breath. “What made you decide you do not want to become engaged?”

She’d surprised him. He remained silent for a few moments before answering. “The truth is, Miss Bunbury, I pray you do not think me a scoundrel, but I find myself thinking quite a great deal about another lady.”

*

Cass couldn’t breathe. Another lady? Had she heard him correctly? Julian was in love with another lady. Another lady. Not Pen. Could it be? It had to be … her. Cass! Who else could it be? He’d never mentioned anyone else in any of his letters. She struggled to keep her face blank. “I don’t think you’re a scoundrel at all, Captain Swift.” Her stays were cutting into her lungs. She felt hot, cold, dizzy. “I understand, actually. My parents have been pushing me to marry gentlemen I don’t want to for years.”

“Ah, so you do understand?” he replied.

“More than you know,” she whispered.

“Please don’t mistake me. I’ve absolutely nothing but respect for Miss Monroe. It’s just that … We don’t know each other very well—at all, really, and there’s … someone else, whom I’ve come to know quite well. Through her letters…”

Cass closed her eyes, fighting back tears. It was her. It was. And now she would have to tell him the truth and only hope that he didn’t hate her. She would tell him her name, fall to her knees and beg him to forgive her. But first, she had to be certain. “Does this woman know you, you … care for her?”

Julian cracked a smile. “Actually, no. Not yet. I haven’t told her anything. I felt it best to end my affiliation with Penelope first.”

Cass nodded. That was so like Julian, ensuring he did the correct things in the correct manner.

He leaned forward and braced his elbows on his knees. “And now, I’m not certain that I’m going to tell her.”

Cass’s brows snapped together. Not certain? Why wasn’t he certain? “You do not expect the lady to return your affection?”

Julian let his head fall into his hands and scrubbed one fist through his burnished hair. “No.”

Cass stopped breathing. “No?” she echoed.

“I attempted to visit her when I was in London. And I learned … I discovered…”

Cass’s heart was nearly thumping out of her chest. It was painful. “What?” The word was barely a whisper.

Julian shook his head. “It seems she’s in love with another man.”





CHAPTER TWENTY


Cass swallowed and swallowed again. Tears burned the backs of her eyes. She couldn’t breathe.

It wasn’t her.

He wasn’t talking about her. He couldn’t be. She hadn’t seen him in London, not as Cass, and she obviously wasn’t in love with another man. Julian couldn’t possibly think that about her. She’d never mentioned it in her letters, and her parents weren’t in London. They couldn’t have been the ones to tell him such nonsense. No. No. Julian was talking about someone else entirely, some other woman. Some other woman he cared about and had been writing to, all the time he’d been writing to her solely as a friend. A woman he’d never seen fit to mention to her. Cass was going to vomit. She had to get away.

“I’m … I’m ever so sorry to hear that,” she murmured, biting the inside of her cheek to keep from crying.

“It’s all right. I shouldn’t have expected that she would wait for me all these years.”

“No, I … I don’t suppose—” Her voice cracked. She didn’t care if she seemed rude. She had to leave before she broke down sobbing, wrapped her arms around his ankle, told him she was Cass, and begged him to love her. That would be very, very bad form. No. Better to leave with a shred of dignity. Perhaps she might be able to see him again. Perhaps she might be able to look at him, but right now, while her heart was breaking, she had to get away. Had to.