The Accidental Countess (Accidental #2)(31)

Cass closed her eyes. There were things about him, certain things that she didn’t know, it seemed. He’d mentioned the card games with the officers in his letters. She’d always pictured him winning every hand. Now that she considered it, however, he’d never claimed as much. She dared a glance at him out of the corner of her eye. He was the man she’d loved for so long through his letters. But he was also something else, flesh and blood, real and true and sitting beside her.

“Tell me something, Miss Bunbury.”

There it was again, the reminder that she was a liar. She wrapped her cloak even more tightly over her shoulders. “You’ve been kind enough to answer my questions, Captain Swift. I’m happy to answer one of yours.”

“How are you?” His voice was soft, caring. She’d always imagined his voice like this when she’d read his letters.

She blinked and blinked again. “How … am I, Captain Swift?” Whatever could he mean?

“In Penelope’s last letter, she told me that you’d been jilted over the summer.”

Cass nearly choked. “I … um…” That was right. Pen had mentioned that she’d told Julian that Patience Bunbury had been jilted. Mr. Albatross, wasn’t it? That was the reason why poor Patience needed her good friend Penelope at her side at the house party. Some friend she was, Cass thought with a bit of irony.

“I hope I haven’t embarrassed you by asking the question.” He gave her a small encouraging smile. It was just like Julian to ask a stranger how she was holding up. That’s what Cass loved about him, his kind heart.

“No. I … I’m quite fine. Er, at least I will be.” Once I stop lying. “Albus … er … Mr. Albatross. He and I didn’t suit. It’s for the best.”

“I’m glad to hear it.”

“How are you?” The words spilled from her lips more as a way to change the subject than anything else.

“Me?” There was a note of surprise in his voice.

“Yes, I’d truly like to know. It can’t have been easy for you, all those years at war.”

He let out a breath and ran his fingers through his hair. “It’s where I belong … belonged. Actually, now I’m not certain where I belong.”

She wrinkled her nose. “What do you mean?”

He let out a shaky laugh. “I recently learned that my brother is missing … in France.”

She pressed a hand to her heart. “Your brother? Your brother is missing?”

“Yes. My brother is the Earl of Swifdon. He … he was on business in France and hasn’t returned.”

“I didn’t know your brother was traveling,” she said.

Julian furrowed his brow. “You didn’t know I had a brother. How could you know he was traveling?”

She glanced away. “Oh, I … um. Of course not.” She cleared her throat. “You said he was there on business, however. So I just assumed … For the Crown?”

“He … yes. Parliamentary business.”

“And he’s missing? He may be hurt?” She twisted her fingers together.

“Yes.” Julian nodded.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“Thank you,” he replied. “It’s just that…” He looked away into the darkened hedgerow.

“Yes?” she prompted. “Please, you can tell me.”

Julian groaned and dropped his chin to his chest. “I know it’s selfish but I just can’t help but think … if he doesn’t come back … I can’t…” He raised his head and shook it. “It doesn’t matter. Forgive me for being so morose. It’s unbecoming of this beautiful evening.”

Cass took a deep breath, hoping he didn’t see the tears shimmering in her eyes. Patience Bunbury didn’t know what he would have said next, but Cass did. She knew exactly, and she longed to reach out and run her fingers through his hair, comfort him, say something to relieve his pain. But she couldn’t. She clutched her shaky hands together in her lap. “I do hope your brother returns safely, Captain,” was all she could offer him.

He paused for a moment, then looked up into the twinkling night sky. “May I ask you one more question, Miss Bunbury?”

Cass nodded. “Of course.”

“What do you want out of life?”

She shook her head. He’d caught her off guard, surprised her. Partly because it was such an unexpected question and partly because she couldn’t have imagined Julian would ask such a thing of a nearly complete stranger. But it made her nervous, too. She couldn’t risk saying anything Cass might say. She must answer this question as Patience Bunbury, the woman who didn’t exist. In this case, vagueness was probably best. “Oh, the same thing as most young ladies, I expect.”

“Such as?” he pressed. “Forgive my impertinence, but I find since I’ve returned from war, I’m quite interested in knowing the answer to this question, both for myself and for others. How many people do you think truly know what they want, Miss Bunbury?”

Cass took a deep breath. That was what he was preoccupied with, the search for knowing what he wanted? Her throat clogged with tears. Julian, her Julian, had been so damaged by the war. No. He was not her Julian. He was Pen’s Julian. “I don’t know,” she murmured. It was all she could allow herself to say. Patience Bunbury could say no more.