That One Moment (Lost in London #2)(39)

“Vi, no. Fuck!” he exclaims, sitting back on his knees. A look of agony casts over his face as he shakes his head at me accusingly.

“What?” I ask, sitting up and looking at him in complete shock.

“We can’t do this! You don’t get it. You read the note and you still don’t get it!” He stands up and scrubs his hands over his hair and face. He begins pacing aggressively back and forth in front of me, the backdrop of the London night sky doing nothing to distract me from his charged demeanour. “Look, when I wrote that note, I truly felt like leaving would be a gift. A relief. I don’t feel that way anymore. That is why we can’t do this.”

“I don’t understand.” I sit up, folding my knees to my chest, feeling like I need to grip something against me for protection.

“I’ve only been out of rehab for a year, Vi. I need to focus one hundred percent on myself. I called you a distraction for a reason. I’m sorry if that hurts you to hear, but it’s the truth. When you told me last night how much that bothered you, I instantly put you first. I kissed you in the shop because I wanted to kiss the pain from you.”

“And that’s a bad thing?” I balk defensively.

“Yes, because I can’t put you first. I can’t put anyone else first…ever…or that f*cking darkness could return.”

He snatches the note up off the ground where it fell and tosses it haphazardly beside me. My eyes fly wide. Does he seriously think that my presence in his life could cause him to become suicidal again?

Hurt. Deep. Painful. Hurt. Strikes me right in the back. It’s happening again. I stand up on shaky legs and cross my arms, turning away from him but keeping my shoulders held high. “I need you to leave, Hayden,” I demand, my voice low and menacing. I refuse to let him see how much this is affecting me. How much this is shaking me to the core.

He exhales heavily and I hear his steps approach. “Vi, you are incredible…I still want to be mates. You’ve helped me through a lot.” I recoil at the close proximity of his tremulous voice in my ear. “You’ll find better than me, and whatever we are will shift into a brief and forgettable moment in time.”

I let out a bark of a laugh as my face screws up in pain at his dismissal.

Once again, rejection f*cking stings…even in the dark.





STAG NIGHT


“Hayden, can you take Marisa for a bit? I have a million wedding calls to make and I’m like…near tears right now.”

I close my laptop and frown at Leslie as she comes barreling down the stairs with a fussy Marisa in tow. I’m in the middle of reconciling the previous month’s bank statements for C. Designs, but it’s nothing that can’t keep. And a Marisa distraction sounds perfect. I am desperate to escape my roaring internal thoughts about what happened between Vi and me last night.

“Of course I’ll take her. Don’t cry, Leslie.” I take in Leslie’s haphazard auburn ponytail, sweat pants, and tank top. She looks frazzled and completely exhausted. “Is there anything else I can do?”

“No…thanks,” she says, passing Marisa over. I tuck her up by my face and shush her in soft puffs while doing my quick swinging bit. “Honestly, if you could just keep her so I can go down and talk to Theo, it would be ridiculously amazing.”

“Say no more.” I pull Marisa back to get a good look at her, which only causes her to start wailing more. After a pleading look back at Marisa, I wave Leslie off for her to go downstairs to Theo’s shop.

“Hey now, pretty girl…Sounds like someone is ready for a nap,” I coo as I find a swaddle blanket and make quick work of turning fussy Marisa into baby burrito Marisa. “Why are you so hard on your mummy some days? Did you just miss your Uncle Hayden?” I drop a kiss on her soft head. Then I lay her across my thighs on her side. I stick a dummy in her mouth and shush her while swinging her back and forth with my legs. After a few minutes of fighting it, she passes out. Happiest baby on the block indeed.

Just as I reposition her sleeping body in the crook of my arm, my phone rings. An unfamiliar number illuminates the screen and, thinking it could be an appointment rescheduling, I answer.

“C. Designs, Hayden speaking.”

“Hey, Hayden, it’s Liam Darby,” he says with a certain level of edge to his tone.

“Liam?” My brows lift in surprise. My last meaningful memory of Liam and I replays in my head. I’m certain I was pissed, it involved a lot of puffed-up chests, and me making a crass remark about being inside of Reyna. The bastard actually had the gall to hit me.

Okay, I probably deserved it.

But still, we are far from matey blokes who call each other.

“Listen, sorry to bother you, but Finley called me. She is putting together a last minute hen night for Leslie tomorrow night and I’d like to throw Theo’s stag party on the same night. I’m calling to see if you have any objection to that, or if you want to be a part of the coordinating and such.”

I pause, trying to determine how to tactfully answer this. “Look, I’m not really into the party scene anymore. I mean, I can attend. But as far as planning, I’d rather you handle things if that’s all right.”

“Sure, sure. But…you will still be there?” his voice is hopeful.

“‘Course I’ll be there.” As long as I can manage it.