That One Moment (Lost in London #2)(15)

I look down at the card in my hand. It’s solid red with thick block lettering that reads: SAVIOUR IN RED. I smirk when I flip it over and read on the back: EVERYTHING LOOKS BRIGHTER WITH A TOUCH OF RED.

I glance up to ask if Frank is serious or not, but my eyes land on Reyna and Liam as they approach behind him.

“Hiya, Rey Rey,” I say with a lazy half smile.

“Hey, Hay,” she huffs out a laugh and leans against Frank’s chair.

“Oxford! You smell divine!” Frank exclaims while glancing up at her. “What is that scent? Unfinished Business? Or, Bone To Pick? I can’t quite tell.”

She rolls her eyes and looks at me apologetically. “Got a minute?”

I nod and rise, buttoning my jacket as I follow her out of the ballroom. I glimpse back at Liam. He doesn’t look angry. He doesn’t look sad…He looks respectful.

“Do you mind if we go outside?” Rey asks nervously. “I could use some fresh air.”

“Yeah…Everything okay?” I ask cautiously as we walk through the vestibule.

“Oh yes…I just…wanted to talk, just the two of us without f*cking Frank there making jokes the whole time.”

We step out onto the dark London sidewalk, illuminated by several golden landscaping lanterns. My eyes drift from the bright London lights and peer down at Rey’s sunflower-sleeved arm—a tribute to Marisa she eventually told me after everything that happened between us. We were best friends for years, yet there is so much we don’t know about each other.

She tugs at the thin straps of her black dress, securing them back over her inked shoulders. Her dark hair is pinned up in a formal updo. She looks good. She’s always looks good. But right now, she also looks healthy…albeit nervous.

“Your speech tonight, Hayden—” she starts and I cut her off.

“Look, I’m sorry if there was anything I said that felt too personal. I honestly didn’t have it all written out…A lot of it was just off the cuff.”

“No…It was great. It was real and raw and honest. I’m sure it was incredibly enlightening to so many people who are affected by similar things. Honestly, it was enlightening to me! I feel like I finally got a glimpse inside your head. I’m happy that you’re so open now and obviously doing so well.”

“Thanks?” I say, skeptically. “I’m sensing a ‘but’ coming.”

“But…I just…I can’t help but feel responsible for pushing you to your breaking point, Hayden. It feels like I pushed you to do what you did. That ‘shit hitting the fan’ was me, wasn’t it?” Her grey eyes blink nervously, the glow of the streetlight reflecting off her pupils.

I shake my head. “No offense Rey, but don’t flatter yourself.” Her head jerks back quickly. “I don’t mean anything by that, really…Just that there were so many moments in time that led up to that night. You were just one.”

She purses her lips and nods, her brow crinkled seriously. “I just wish I could have done more. Said something to change it all.”

“I wouldn’t have believed you,” I say, leaning forward and shoving my hands in my pockets.

She looks like she wants to say something more. She hesitates for an instant before she says, “But you believed Leslie?”

I huff out a sad laugh and shake my head. “Rey, you don’t understand. It took a stranger caring for me to get a f*cking wakeup call. I was bloody drowning in guilt and depression over Marisa. I wasn’t letting anybody throw me a life raft. Including you. Even though I cared for you…loved you even…it didn’t matter. Nothing you could have said would have stopped me. Lust and recovery do not mix.”

She nods her head and looks down, picking at the cuticle on her nail. Her expression is troubled, but she doesn’t tell me why. And I’m not going to ask. Truly, we are two completely different people than we were back then. We have so many dark and complicated memories together; being mates would only remind us of all of that. Distance is best for Rey and me. That was glaringly obvious when I saw her at her pub opening a couple of weeks ago with Liam. Her finding Liam was the best thing for both of us. I’m done with the sorry bastard I was with her.

“So, no love on the horizon for Hayden Clarke then?” she asks playfully.

I laugh, “No, I’m putting myself at number one for quite some time. This is something I’m always going to have to work at. But I feel good. I feel at peace. Tonight felt like a graduation ceremony for me. Made me feel like I could be a normal bloke again someday.”

“I can see that.” She smiles and steps closer to me, grabbing the lapels of my jacket and pulling me down for a hug. She giggles softly at my awkward hunch and whispers, “I’m always here if you need me.”

I tuck my face into her and inhale deeply. It brings me immense relief when her familiar scent puts me at ease rather than making me feel love-sick. “I’ve always known that, Rey.” Despite how bad we were for each other, I’ve never doubted that.

We head back inside and join everyone back at the table, which is now filled with Theo, Leslie, Liam, Brody, and Finley.

“So Lez, when are we going to have a hen night?” Finley asks as I take a seat next to my brother. “Your wedding is in five weeks and we have to get this planned.”