Tell Me Three Things(28)
Which I do not.
Me: Huh. Kinda makes sense. The whole feeding a new life part of the poem.
Ethan: But why are they dried?
Me: No idea.
Ethan: I like the word “tuber.” Makes a good insult.
Me: ??? Example, please.
Ethan: Gem and Crystal? Total tubers.
Although I know Ethan heard Gem be rude to me that first time—he was, of course, the whole reason for the what are you looking at? fiasco that somehow set her off hating my guts—I didn’t realize he hears all the crap she mutters under her breath in English class. Great. It’s one thing to be mocked daily; it’s a whole other thing when cute guys bear witness to it.
Today, the target was the stickers that decorate the back of my laptop. Scarlett made them for me for my birthday last year, and they are awesome. All the tattoos I would get if I were the sort of person who had the nerve to get tattoos, which I am decidedly not. Instead, I’m the kind of person who has spent hours debating said theoretical tattoos, despite my crippling fears of both needles and long-term commitment. Hence painless, temporary stickers: two Korean characters that Scarlett swears say “Best Friend”; the line to thine own self be true, written in Gothic script; and lastly, a snake, which was not on my list but which Scarlett added because she thought I should be more badass, even if only theoretically. Gem’s brilliant take: “I bet that says ‘loser’ in Japanese.”
Me: Total dried tubers. And thanks.
Ethan: For what?
Me: I don’t know. Defending me, I guess.
Ethan: I didn’t.
Me: Okay then.
Ethan: It’s just that you don’t seem like the kind of girl who needs defending.
? ? ?
Dri liked a photo of you and her on Instagram.
I click. Dri and I at the lunch table, Agnes just out of the frame. Was she cropped out? I can’t remember. Maybe. Possibly. I think so. That shouldn’t make me happy, but it does.
? ? ?
Scarlett: Not that you asked, but homecoming dress has been procured. FLUORESCENT YELLOW.
Me: You’ll definitely stand out.
Scarlett: Don’t need a dress to do that.
Me: How’s Adam? Psyched?
Scarlett: Think so. Having major breakout issues. Not just little ones, but big-ass whiteheads. Takes all my willpower not to attack them with my nails.
Me: Gross.
Scarlett: Too bad that wouldn’t count toward our community service requirement.
I’ll admit it. I take a screen shot. Four conversations at once. Four different people who have something to say to me. True, one was about work, one was about a school assignment, one is with Scarlett, who doesn’t count, and one is with someone I don’t even know, but still, I’m going to count them all. Proof that maybe I’m starting to have something resembling a life again.
CHAPTER 14
SN: three things to kick off your morning: (1) I’m terrified of flying. I hate every second I’m on an airplane. man was not meant to fly.
Me: Don’t love to fly but LOVE airports. Great people-watching.
SN: best hellos and goodbyes.
Me: Exactly.
SN: (2) I was a vegetarian for all of 8th and 9th grades, but I stopped because: bacon.
Me: Mmm. Bacon.
SN: (3) I spend way too much time playing video games. and you?
Me: Not so into video games.
SN: you: three things.
Me: Oh, right. (1) I generally don’t like vegetables, but I hold a special place in my heart for the brussels sprout.
SN: mmm. with bacon.
Me: (2) I’m a night person. Mornings suck. Why does school have to start so damn early? WHY?
SN: then I’m honored you’re talking to me before 8 a.m.
Me: Three cups of coffee. Gloria makes it strong. Have I told you about Gloria?
SN: ?
Me: The steppeople’s house manager. I was skeptical at first. It’s weird having someone who does all this STUFF for me. Don’t tell, but now I’m kind of in love.
SN: independence is overrated. as is being able to list laundry under mad skillz.
Me: (3) I’m a lefty, but when I was about 12 I decided I wanted to be a righty instead, so I trained myself to be ambidextrous. But now I think it’s cooler to be a lefty, so there’s 3 months of my life I’ll never get back.
SN: I’m a righty in all the things. ALL THE THINGS.
Me: Was that an attempt at innuendo?
SN: your use of the word “attempt” suggests that I failed.
Me: #innuendofailure
SN: I just said the word “innuendo” a bunch of times in my head and now its lost all meaning. innuendo. innuendo. innuendo. innuendo.
Me: Word ruined for me forever.
SN: ruinuendo.
Me: You are a dork.
SN: yes, yes I am. good that you find this out now.
CHAPTER 15
“It’s literally just sex. I’m not sure why everyone makes such a big deal about it,” Agnes says, and rolls onto her back on Dri’s bed so her head is hanging off the edge and her bangs fall backward. She has a large forehead. The bangs, it turns out, are less about being hipster-cute and more tactical. It’s Friday night, and instead of staying home with Harry Potter, I am here eating potato chips from a jumbo-sized bag, flipping through the Wood Valley yearbook, and chatting with Dri and Agnes, as if this is what I always do on weekends. And it doesn’t feel too weird. When I start to get a little nervous that Agnes doesn’t want me here, I remember that Dri invited me, even added a “come on, loser” when I said I might need to stay home and study. I chose to interpret her use of “loser” as affectionate.