Tatiana and Alexander: A Novel(59)

Alexander laughed. "Come on, he's a good guy. You'll see he'll be good in battle."

"Belov, cut the shit. Today I was nearly going to shoot him for desertion when he dropped his rifle during a march and then had to step three paces out of formation to pick it up. I actually cocked my weapon at him, for which I was sorry. Then, to make it up to him, I put him in charge of cleaning the officers' latrine."

"Stop it, Komkov. He'll be all right."

"Do you know that one of our rifles was accidentally fired and Chernenko dropped to the ground in the courtyard and covered his head? Didn't protect his assigned buddy, I might add. I don't know why you defend him all the time as you do. He'll be the death of us in battle."

Here Come the Girls, 1939

When they first started going to clubs, he got together with a girl named Luba and she started coming around more often, and Alexander started being less interested in meeting new girls, but then he found Dimitri talking to her, and then Dimitri expressed an interest in her and Alexander nodded and stepped away. Luba was hurt, while Dimitri played with her for a while and dropped her.

That happened twice, three times more. Alexander didn't mind; he could always find himself another girl. He tried leaving Dimitri at the Sadko bar and going to the officers' club instead, but Dimitri disapproved. So Alexander continued to go to Sadko with Dimitri and to pretend that he wasn't that interested in any specific girl. And that was true. He quite liked all women.

Oksana only liked to be on top and did not want to be touched.

Olga liked to be touched.Only touched.

Milla talked too much about communism and economics.

Agafia talked too much period. Generated by ABC Amber LIT Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html

Isabel came once, returned for more, and on the third try, asked if he wanted to be married.

Dina said she liked him more than any other man she'd ever been with, and then he found her with Anatoly Marazov the next weekend.

Maya wanted it any which way, and he gave it to her any which way, and then again, and again, and afterward she said all he cared about was himself.

Megan talked all the while she was using her mouth on him.

Nina talked all the while he was using his mouth on her.

Nadia wanted to play cards, not before, not after, but instead of.

Kyra said she would do it only if her best friend Lena could join in.

Zoe was brazen all around and was done in fifteen minutes.

Masha was brazen all around and was done in two hours.

Marisa was the girl who liked to be talked to, and Marta was the girl who didn't.

Sofia was the girl who liked most everything as long as she had to do nothing herself.

Sonia was the almost funny girl until suddenly, after one Saturday night too many, she became the girl with a broken heart, and suddenly she wasn't funny and she wasn't broken-hearted. She was just livid.

Valentina wanted to know if he ever killed another human being.

Zhenya wanted to know if he wanted to have a baby.

And then Alexander started forgetting their names.

That happened when he started to keep himself from release longer and longer. He kept coming back to them, looking into their eyes, their mouths, trying to get them completely naked, wanting a connection, wanting something else, but wanting and forgetting and continuing. A few a night, Friday night, Saturday night, Sunday night, and sentry evenings, and Sunday afternoons--not many during daylight, much to his dissatisfaction, for he so liked to look at them in their fervor.

Alexander started to withdraw from them, still liking them, still needing them, still wanting them, but with a resigned face, an unsmiling face, with a detached manner and a growing indifference to their pleasure, and suddenly and inexplicably their attachment to him grew!

There seemed to be more and more of the girls who liked his company, who wanted to walk with him along Nevsky Prospekt and hold his arm, who squeezed him gratefully at the end, and whispered thank you, who would come back the following weekend when he would already be on his next girl, on his next three. More and more of them seemed to want something from him--what, he did not know and, more to the point, could not give.

"I want more, Alexander," she said to him. "I want more." Generated by ABC Amber LIT Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html

And he smiled and said, "Believeme, I gave you all I got."

"No," she said. "I want more."

As they were walking back, he said in a resigned voice, "I'm sorry, but--what you want, it's just not possible. This is about as much as I'm capable of."

Still every girl he looked at, every girl he said hello to, every girl he touched, he thought,is she the one ? I've had nearly all of them, hasthe one come and gone?Come --and gone, and I did not know?

But every once in a while, before dreams, before the black of night took him, for a moment, for a second, under the stars, on trains, and barges, and in other people's carriages, Alexander saw the barn and smelled Larissa, and heard her pleasure breath, and felt regret for something lost he was afraid would never come again.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Dinner at the Sabatellas', 1943

FINALLY, ON A SUNDAYin late October, Tatiana agreed to come for dinner at Vikki's. The Sabatellas lived in Little Italy, at the corner of Mulberry and Grand.

As they walked through the door, Tatiana heard a bellow and a screech and then an alto voice hollered, "Gelso-MEE-nah!" A dark-haired, tanned woman of large size and short stature came out from the kitchen. "You said you were going to be here three hours ago."