Tatiana and Alexander: A Novel(184)

"Lieutenant Karolich," she croaked. "Lieutenant," she repeated, but lower, her body trembling so badly that she thought Karolich would not only notice but become alarmed. But he noticed nothing. It was dim in the cell; the only light came from the corridor. "I think I left my nurse's bag in cell number six. Could you get it for me, please?"

As soon as his back was turned, Tatiana whispered, "Shura," in a barely audible voice.

Alexander groaned.

Tatiana touched his trembling arm, moved closer, and just as Karolich was coming back, she placed both hands on Alexander's face.

"How is he?" Karolich said. "Here is your bag. You've got quite a few tubes of toothpaste in there. Why do you carry toothpaste in your nurse's bag?"

"It's not toothpaste," she said, with extreme effort taking her hands away. "It's morphine." Could she continue to speak normally, sitting so close to Alexander, unable to lay her hands on him? No, not unable. "What's happened to him?" she asked as she put her hands on Alexander's chest. His heart was pummeling into her palms. Sitting beside him, tears trickling down her face, she said, "He's got a head wound that has not been treated. We will need to get some water and soap, and a razor. I will clean him and bandage him. Let me give him a drink first. Can you hand me my flask, please?"

Motionlessly, Alexander continued to lie against the wall, his eyes on Tatiana, who could barely look at him as she brought the flask to his lips. He tilted his head back and drank. Her fingers were shaking and she dropped the flask.

The lieutenant noticed. "Are you all right?" he asked. "Is this too much for you, seeing them like this? You don't seem cut out for this kind of work. You seem kind of...fragile."

Without responding, Tatiana said, "Lieutenant, would you please get me a large bucket of preferably warm water for the head wound, some soap, some strong shampoo, and one of my medical kits from the truck?"

"Yes, but come outside. You can't stay here by yourself with the prisoner. You know what happened to you yesterday. It's not safe."

"He's in shackles. I'll be fine. Go ahead. But hurry. We have many more to do." Her hand was on Alexander.

As soon as Karolich was around the corner, Tatiana pressed her forehead to Alexander's head. "God, it can't be," she whispered in Russian. "It can't be you."

She felt his body shudder.

Tatiana was bent over him. Alexander's eyes were closed.

They remained that way, not moving and not speaking.

A groan left her. She couldn't find a single word, a single word when she had thought books, when she had screamed and wept and railed against the unjust fate, when she had grieved and in her sorrow been Generated by ABC Amber LIT Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html

so angry, when she had grieved and in her sorrow been so lost. Now she pressed her face into his bloodied black head and couldn't find a word. Groans, yes. Wretched cries, yes. Not much silence, but no actual words.

On her knees by his side, through her barely moving lips, Tatiana whispered, "Oh, Shura..." She put her shaking hands to her face and cried.

"Tania, come on, now."

Doubled over, she took deep breaths, covering her face, hiding it from him in his blood-stained shirt in an effort to get calm.

"How have you been, Tania?" Alexander asked in a rupturing voice.

"Good, good." She clasped his chained hands.

"What about--" He broke off. "What about...the baby?"

"Yes. We have a son."

"Ason ." Alexander breathed out. "What did you name him?"

"Anthony Alexander. Anthony."

His eyes filled up and he turned his head away.

Tatiana stared at him, her mouth opening and closing. "Is it reallyyou ?" she whispered. "Tell me, before I break down, tell me it'syou ."

"Before?" he said.

He was more gaunt than she had ever seen him, even during the worst of the Leningrad blockade. "Alexander..." she whispered.Blink. The cheek was unshaven. Foam on his cheeks. And she held the mirror between her breasts. Blink . She ran her fingers over his beard, his lips. He kissed her fingers. "Tatiana..." he whispered. "Tania..."

"What happened to you? You were arrested, weren't you?"

"Yes."

"Let me guess. You knew you were going to be arrested--" She stopped. "Somehow, I don't know how, you knew you were going to be arrested and you faked your own death to get me out of Russia. Sayers helped you."

"Sayers helped me. I didn't fake my own death. I thought it was imminent. I didn't want you to stay behind and watch me die. I knew you wouldn't leave any other way."

They spoke quickly, afraid any minute Karolich was going to return.

"Stepanov helped you?" Generated by ABC Amber LIT Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html

"Yes."

"He's in Berlin."

"I know. He came to see me a few months back."

"How did you get Sayers...? I don't care." She couldn't sit away from him, or move away. She couldn't even breathe away. "You think that's what I wanted? To leave you behind?"

Shaking his head, he said, "I knew you didn't."