Tatiana and Alexander: A Novel(144)

Vikki laughed. "Icare ," she emphasized, "because I know he wants to. And because I think you would be adorable together."

"Together? Forget everything. You said dinner."

"Yes. Dinner together."

"Together implies a number of dinners. Maybe even Levitt house."

"And that would be wrong, why?"

"I go to sleep now. You do what you like."

She couldn't tell Vikki about the ugly thoughts. She couldn't tell Vikki about the beautiful thoughts. She couldn't tell Vikki about the sky, or the sorrow.

How comforting it was to sleep next to another human being. Not to be alone. How comforting it was to Generated by ABC Amber LIT Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html

feel a breathing body, and a trembling heart, to feel someone's dark hair on your shoulders, to feel, to feel.

All Vova has to say is, "Don't worry, Alexander. We'll take good care of Tania when you're gone."

At home she sits helplessly before him in the chair, looking flummoxed.

"Let me ask you," Alexander says, his voice dripping with sarcasm, and Tatiana says, "Shura, darling--"

"Let me ask you," he repeats, louder. "Don't interrupt me." He is pacing in front of her like a caged animal. "Just tell me, how long do you think you might wait before you let Vova take care of you? Oh, and maybe the guitar-wielding Vlasik, maybe you can ask him what else he wields. Ask him if he delivers the goods. Or would you like me to speak to him personally?"

She looks at him slightly aghast. She says nothing. She is not angry with him, how could she be when she knows he adores her, when she knows all he wants to do is to love her less.

"Answer me, dammit," he says, taking a menacing step toward her.

She sits in the chair, her hands clasped between her breasts. "I beg you--"

"Beg me all you want," he returns cruelly. "Would you like me to speak to Vlasik personally? Or are you going to use the words I taught you on him, perhaps when you're missing me?" His eyes are flaming. He grabs her by her arm and yanks her to her feet.

Tatiana pulls at his hand. "Let go of me." Backing away from him, she finds herself wedged between her sewing table and the brick wall of the peasant oven. Stepping forward, she tries to get past him into the open space of the cabin, but Alexander doesn't move out of her way and does not let her pass, shoving her lightly back into the corner with his body. "We're not done here," he says.

"Shura!"

"Don't raise your voice to me!"

"Shura! Stop it!" she says loudly and again attempts to get past him, but he does not let her out of the corner, this time pushing her back with his hands. "I said stop it! Stop. This is all for nothing."

"To you it's nothing."

"Are you out of your mind?" She rams her body against him. "Get out of my way."

"Make me."

"Shura!" she screams. She tries very hard not to cry. She is shaking. "Please, stop." From the effort not to cry, her lower lip begins to tremble. Above her, Alexander slams his head against the wall. And then he steps away.

"What do you think, Alexander, that I will care less you're leaving if you do this? Keep going. Do you think this will make me glad to see the back of you? That anything in the world is going to make it easier Generated by ABC Amber LIT Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html

for me once you're gone?"

"You seem to think so," Alexander replies, backing farther away from her.

Tatiana watches him, her eyes clearing for a moment. "Wait a minute. This isn't about me. This isn't about me at all." She emits a stifled groan. "It's you--you think that if you imagine me taking up with every village idiot, your feeling for me will fade? You think, if only Tania betrays me, it will be so much easier for me to die, to leave her, to abandon her."

"Tania, shut up."

"No!" she shouts. "That's what you want, isn't it? Imagine the worst, and then suddenly I'm not your wife, I'm just some slag with no heart, how perfect, and my husband is free. I'm a slag who has found another knocker to replace yours in minutes." She is so upset that she clenches her fists.

"Tania, I told you, shut the hell up!"

"No!" she yells, jumping on the hearth so she can be a little taller, feel a little braver. "That's what you want, what you need, to imagine the impossible to rid yourself of me." Tears trickle down her face. "Well, I don't give a damn how much you need it," she says furiously. "I'm not giving it to you. I'm not givingthatto you. You can have anything else, but I will not pretend to whore myself out just so you can feel better about leaving me."

"You're going to stop, do you hear?"

"Or what?" she says. "Make me, Alexander. Because I'm not keeping quiet about this."

"No, of course not!" he shouts, helplessly kicking their kettle across the room.

"That's right!" she shouts back. "You won't have this. You want a fight? I'll give you a fight for this."

He grits his teeth and comes for her. "You don't know what a fight is," he says, yanking her off the hearth, ripping her dress from her chest to her hips, pulling her down to the wood floor, holding her down, tearing off her underwear, prying her legs open, descending on her.