Tangled (The Tangled Series)(65)

You know in Texas Chainsaw Massacre when the old man smiles just before he slits the girl’s throat? Yeah—it’s kind of like that.

Sister Beatrice looks at the ceiling. “We are all imperfect in the eyes of the Lord. Katherine, may I use yer facilities, dear? Nature is calling.”

“Of course, Sister.” They stand, and Kate opens the door to her adjoining washroom.

And as soon as that door closes, Smiley Kate goes bye-bye. Mad Kate takes her place. She marches toward me.

And the balloons run for their lives.

“I’m going to ask you this one time, and if you lie to me, I swear I’ll let Delores poison you.”

“Okay.”

“Is she a real nun? Or some actress you hired?”

I laugh. I didn’t even think of that. “No, she’s real.”

Kate is not pleased. “God, Drew! A nun? A f*cking nun? This is low. Even for you.”

“I think she’s technically a Mother Superior now.”

I lean in closer to Kate because…well, just because I can…and the smell of her lotion hits me. Hard. I resist the urge to put my nose against her skin and sniff like a cocaine addict.

“Is there any level you won’t sink to to get your way?”

Nope. Sorry. Not a one. I don’t mind getting down and dirty.

Actually, I prefer it that way.

“Desperate times…I had to call out the big guns.”

“You want to see guns? As soon as the Flying Nun leaves my office, I’ll show you guns! I can’t believe—”

God, she’s beautiful. I mean, look at her. She’s like a volcano going off—fierce and fiery and breathtaking. If she doesn’t find a way to ugly herself down, I’m going to be spending an awful lot of time pissing her off.

Which might not be such a bad thing in the end. Angry sex is awesome.

I cut off Kate’s rant. “As titillating as this conversation has been—and believe me, it’s been very—I have a meeting to get to.”

Before I go, I motion toward her bare neck. “Hey, why aren’t you wearing your necklace?”

She folds her arms and smiles proudly. “I donated it to Sister Beatrice. For the less fortunate.”

Played that one well, didn’t she?

I can play too.

“That’s very generous. Of course, I’ll have to replace it for you. With something…bigger. You should expect another delivery tomorrow.”

Her smile turns upside down. And she smacks a rogue balloon out of the way.

Then she slams the door in my face.

I wait two seconds before calling through it, “Okay. I’ll see you later, Kate. Good talk.”

From inside, I hear Sister Beatrice’s voice: “Did Andrew leave already? Such a sweet boy he is. And devoted too, when he sets his heart to a task. Let me tell you about the time he weeded the convent’s garden. It’s a long story, but we ’ave all afternoon. There was a scuffle in the lunch room, you see…”





Traffic was a bitch and a half. Both ways. But I worked out the particulars with the skywriter. He was suiting up when I left. I now have just enough time to get to Kate’s office and get her to the roof. If she won’t come willingly, I’m just going to pick her up and carry her. Although I’d feel a lot better about the idea if I had a cup on.

Kate is definitely a kicker.

I sprint through the lobby and push the button for the elevator. But what I see when the doors open stops me cold.

It’s The Bitch, with Mackenzie at her side. And in my niece’s perfect little hands are strings. A dozen of them. Strings that are tied to balloons. Kate’s balloons.

“Fuck me.”

“Well, that’s a nice way to greet your doting sister and her daughter.”

Had I said that out loud? Doesn’t matter.

Fuck f*ck f*ckity f*ck.

This is bad—very bad. Like an F-five tornado kind of bad, except my sister is capable of leaving more damage behind.

“Hi, Uncle Drew!”

I smile. “Hi, sweetheart.” Then I scowl. “What the hell did you do, Alexandra?”

Her eyes widen innocently. Like she’s surprised. “Me? I came to meet my husband for lunch. Is that a crime?”

When I was in junior high, a kid named Chris Whittle sucker punched me when I was coming out of trigonometry. I had hooked up with his girlfriend. She had talented hands.

Anyway, the next day, Alexandra paid Chris a little visit—and made him piss his pants.

Literally.

See, according to The Bitch Code, she can f*ck with me all she wants to, but no one else is allowed. Now do you see why I’m concerned?

“You went to see Kate, didn’t you?”

Mackenzie answers for her, “We did, Uncle Drew! She’s great. Kate gave me dees balloons and a calculator! See?” She holds it over her head like it’s the Stanley Cup, and I can’t help but smile.

“That’s terrific, Mackenzie.”

Then I glare at Alexandra again.

She’s not concerned. “You said you wanted Mackenzie to meet Kate.”

If you put two pregnant hamsters in the same cage, you know what they’ll do? Eat each other. Female hormones are like undetonated warheads. There’s just no way to tell when they’re going to go the f*ck off.