Tangled (The Tangled Series)(51)

Go ahead—call me a *. Call me a bitch. I deserve it. And I don’t care.

Not anymore.

Do you think he has any idea how lucky he is? How blessed?

Of course he doesn’t. He was the idiot who let her go. And I was the idiot who couldn’t keep her.

Maybe they won’t last. Maybe they’ll break up again. When Kate realizes she deserves better. But I guess that won’t make a difference for me, huh? Not after what I said. Not after I put that look on her face.

Jesus.

I roll off the bed and fall toward the trashcan. I barely make it before I wretch and heave. And anything that was in my stomach isn’t.

And that’s the moment—there on my knees. That’s when I tell myself I have the flu. Because this…this broken wreck can’t really be me.

Not forever.

If I’m just sick, then I can take some aspirin, get some sleep, and I’ll feel better. I’ll be me again. Eventually. But if I admit I’m crushed, if I acknowledge that my heart has been shattered into a thousand f*cking shards…then I don’t know when I’ll ever be all right again. Maybe never.

So I get back into bed. To wait it out.

Till I’m over the flu.





Chapter 19

SO THAT’S IT. That’s my story. The rise. The fall. The end. And now—here I am—in this lousy restaurant Alexandra and Matthew dragged me to, where I just finished telling them pretty much the same story I told you.

When I was six, I learned how to ride a bike. Like all kids when they first take the training wheels off, I fell. A lot. Any time it happened, Alexandra was the one who was there. She dusted me off, kissed the scrapes away and convinced me to climb back on. So it’s only natural that I expect my sister to be compassionate about my heartache. Gentle. Sympathetic.

What I get is, “You’re a goddamn idiot, you know that, Drew?”

I bet you were starting to wonder why we call her The Bitch. Well, here you go.

“I’m sorry?”

“Yes, sorry is exactly what you are. Do you have any idea what a mess you’ve made? I always knew you were spoiled and self-centered. Hell, I was one of the people who made you that way. But I never thought you were stupid.”

Huh?

“And I could have sworn you were born with testicles.”

I choke on my drink. And Matthew laughs.

“I’m serious. I distinctly remember changing your diaper and seeing those cute little guys hanging there. What happened to them? Did they shrink? Disappear? Because that’s the only reason I can think of to explain why you would behave like such a pathetic no-balls coward.”

“Jesus Christ, Alexandra!”

“No, I don’t think even He can fix this.”

Defensive anger seeps into my chest. “I really don’t need this right now. Not from you. I’m already down—why the f*ck are you kicking me?”

She scoffs, “Because a swift kick in the ass is exactly what you need to pick yourself up. Did you ever even consider that when Kate said they were ‘really good,’ perhaps she meant they were civil? That they had decided to be friends? Part amicably? If you knew half as much about women as you think you do, you’d understand that no woman would want to end a ten-year relationship on bad terms.”

That doesn’t even make any sense. Why would anyone want to be friends with someone they used to be able to f*ck and can’t anymore? What would be the frigging point? “No. You’re totally off base.”

She shakes her head. “Regardless, if you had acted like a man instead of a wounded little boy, you would have told her how you felt.”

Now she’s just pissing me off. “Do I look like a f*cking * to you? ’Cause I’m not. And there’s no way I’m going to put myself out there and chase after someone who wants to be with somebody else.”

A look washes over Alexandra’s face that I’ve never seen before. At least not directed at me.

It’s disappointment.

“Of course not, Drew. Why should you chase anyone, when you’re so content to let everyone chase you?”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“It means everything has always been easy for you. You’re handsome, intelligent, you have a family who loves you and women who lay down for you like sacrificial lambs. And the one time you have to struggle for something you want—the one time you have to risk your heart for someone who’s finally worth it—what do you do? You give up. You shoot first and ask questions later. You curl up in a ball and wallow in self-pity.”

She shakes her head slightly, and her voice softens. “You didn’t even try, Drew. After all that. You just…threw her away.”

I look down at my drink. My voice is quiet. With remorse.

“I know.”

Don’t think I haven’t thought about it. Don’t think I haven’t regretted my words or lack thereof. Because I have. Bitterly. “I wish…but it’s too late now.”

Matthew finally speaks up. “It’s never too late, man. The game’s not over; it’s just rain delayed.”

I look at him. “Has Delores said anything to you? About Kate and Billy?”

He shakes his head. “Not about them…but she’s had a whole lot to say about you.”