Tangled Extra Scenes(2)

Before he can finish, a chorus of sounds emerges from the box.

Meows.

Mackenzie’s jaw drops as she runs forward. “It sounds like kittens!” She takes the lid off the box. “It is! Is a whole box full of kittens!”

Is it ever. I stand up and peer inside. Eight kittens, to be exact.

Drew looks accusingly at the deliveryman. “What the f*ck is this?”

“These are your foster kittens.”

“My what?!”

Kitten Man checks the clipboard. “Drew Evans, right?”

He nods.

“You signed up to be an animal foster parent. These are your wards for the next four to six weeks.”

Drew is already shaking his head. “I didn’t sign up for shit. I hate cats—they’re Satan’s pets.”

Kitten Man hands Drew the clipboard. “That’s not what it says here.”

By this time, Mackenzie is cooing and petting the box of meowing fur. And I cover my mouth to keep from laughing.

Have you figured it out yet?

“I’m going to kill her. I swear to God! I’m gonna be an only child by the time this day is over!”

That’s when I start laughing. Loudly. As I ask him, “What did you expect? You had a farm animal delivered to her condo on Christmas morning.”

“That was a gift! This is just mean.”

Drew hands the clipboard back to Kitten Man. “Take them back. There’s been a mix up. They can’t stay.”

Kitten Man looks disappointed. “That’s too bad. Without you, these little guys will be euthanized by the end of the day.”

Big round blue eyes stare up at Drew.

“What eufanized mean, Uncle Drew?”

Drew looks at her sad little face for about five seconds. Then he lowers his head in defeat. “Goddamn it.”

I smile at Mackenzie. “It means the kittens are staying, sweetie.”

“Yippee!” She starts taking them out of the box one by one.

Kitten Man turns to go. “Happy Holidays. God bless you.”

Drew scowls. “Yeah, yeah. Happy f*cking New Year.”

Then he kicks the door closed.

“I’m gonna name you Nala, and you Simba, and you Fluffy, and you Muffy…and I’m gonna call you Drew Junior! He look like Uncle Drew, don’t he, Aunt Kate?”

Oh yeah—I’m already Aunt Kate. How great is that?

“He does. He’s very handsome and seems smart too. Don’t you think, Drew?”

He’s still pouting. “Yeah. Fantastic. Hey, here’s an idea—let’s take Drew Junior and his buddies down to the Hudson River and see if they can swim?”

I saunter towards my boyfriend. “You don’t want to do that.”With Mackenzie’s focus still on the kittens, I slide my hand under Drew’s T-shirt and scrape my nails over his abs.

That gets his attention.

“I don’t?”

I keep my voice low. “Nope. Because rescuing poor defenseless animals gets me really …hot.”

Drew raises his brows. “How hot?”

I lick my lips. He watches.

“Very. I’ll probably need you to cool me down with…ice cubes…or whipped cream…”

He puts his hands on my hips and pulls me forward. “Mmmm. Maybe…kittens have their good points after all.”

I smile and nod. And then our mouths are joined. I wrap my arms around his neck, and my feet leave the floor as Drew lifts me up.

Just as his tongue comes out to play, Mackenzie calls out, “Uncle Drew! Simba went pee-pee on the rug!”

He sighs. And presses his forehead against mine.

“I’m sending The Bitch the bill when I get these carpets cleaned. No…better…I’ll have them replaced. That’ll bite her in the ass.”

I don’t want him too focused on a war with his sister. Not when there are so many other—more enjoyable—things he could be focusing on.

“Let it go, Drew. And after Mackenzie leaves, you can bite my ass instead.”

He laughs. And nips at my earlobe.

“You’re right. That’ll be a lot more fun.”

**************************************************************

The Honeymoon’s Over (Drew POV)

Endorphins: chemicals in the brain that instill feelings of well-being or euphoria.

They’re the reason we keep going back to the gym for those punishing workouts. They’re the reason even the most uptight man on earth can fall asleep after a good lay. They are also responsible for a little phenomenon commonly referred to as The Honeymoon Period.

You know what I’m talking about. It’s the beginning of a relationship—when everything is all sweetness and light. Everyone’s on their best behavior.

Guys don’t pass gas; women don't eat.

Or, if they just can’t help themselves, even the worst habits seem like the most adorable thing since Punky frigging Brewster. His cute little snore, her delightful nail biting.

Humans are not the only ones who go through a Honeymoon Period. It’s an interspecies experience. In fact, without it, sharks would cease to exist. See, sharks are natural predators. They’ll eat anything—including their own offspring.

Right after giving birth, however, the mother shark’s brain is flooded with endorphins, putting her into a kind of ecstatic coma. This gives the baby shark about ten minutes to swim away.