Taking Shots (Assassins, #1)(166)
“Wouldn’t you see me if I was parked in front of the house, standing beside the truck with roses in my hand?”
She shrugged, “Yeah I would, but I love you.”
“Are you saying Elli didn’t? That our six months together was a lie?”
“No, that’s that what I meant. Its just-”
“Don’t,” he said putting his hand up to stop her, “Don’t try to explain yourself.”
“I’m sorry Shea; I don’t know what to say.”
Shea nodded, sipping his coffee. He didn’t know what to say either; he didn’t know what to do. Sometimes he felt like going on wasn’t worth it, because he knew he would never be happy again. She made him happy and there was basically nothing he could do to get her back. God knew he had tried.
“Have you not run into her? Don’t you see her at the games?”
Shea shook his head, “She doesn’t come to the games anymore, and no I haven’t run into her. Even with her working for the Assassins full time now, I still don’t see her. I actually asked Melody one time where she was since she was doing the promotional shoots for one of the events that was happening. Melody said that she had said not to schedule her at the same time as me.”
“Wow, Shea. It’s crazy, I just don’t understand. Doesn’t she know you? You would never hurt her.”
“I guess she didn’t. I don’t know.”
They sat for a moment, not speaking as they collected their thoughts. Shea knew she wanted to scream at him some more, but seeing how bad he was hurting was keeping her from doing it. He also knew that he should apologize for his actions the last couple months, but he couldn’t. What other way would he have dealt with the pain? Go around acting like he was fine, that nothing was wrong? He couldn’t do that, he never hid his feelings. People knew when he was mad, hurt, or happy, so why would he apologize for the way he had been? He wouldn’t.
“Do you want me to call her?”
“No,” he said with a shake of his head, “Don’t.”
“Okay.”
“What’s done is done, she obviously doesn’t want me.”
“I just don’t think it’s done.”
“Grace, what else needs to happen for you to know it’s over?”
Grace sat for a moment; he understood she was trying to get her line of thoughts straight. She may not be as emotional as he was, but when he was hurting she was, too. Shea could tell Grace was confused, not knowing what to say when she looked at him. They had never been here; never at rock bottom when it came to someone he loved. Never at the point to where if Shea didn’t change the way he had been living the past two months, he might lose everything.
When Grace looked up at him and he saw the tears in her eyes again, he felt as if Grace had kicked him in the gut again.
“I think it will be done when you decide on where you are playing next year.”
He nodded, “Yeah, you are right.”
“Because as long as you stay here, there’s always the chance you’ll see Elli.”
“I know.”
“Do you want to leave?”
Shea looked up at her, looking deep into her eyes. Shea could see that she did not want him to go, and he knew that, he knew that if he ever tried to leave, Grace might uproot the whole family to come, but could he stay there? Could he stay in the place that with every turn, everything reminded him of her.
“I don’t want to leave you,” Shea answered since he didn’t want to hurt her, plus it was the truth.
“But you do want to leave.” Grace added for him. They shared a long emotional look before a single tear went down Grace’s cheek, making it hard for him to breathe.
“I don’t know.”
When Shea entered the Assassins locker room, eyes followed him as he made it to his locker. He glanced at his name plate with his picture on it before sitting down on the bench in front of his locker. When he looked up, everyone’s eyes moved away, he guessed it was because they didn’t want to make eye contact with him. It wasn’t like he didn’t know why, he knew. Shea was aware that the team didn’t like him much anymore, that they continued to wonder why Shea was still the captain after not showing up to practice or promotional shoots. Or why he was still captain when he didn’t even rally the guys anymore, it was Jakob that did that.
Jakob had done a lot since the break up. Between cleaning up his puke, carrying him home from bars, and trying his best to clean up the mess she had left, Shea couldn’t ask for a better best friend. He was a good man, someone that Shea would forever keep in his heart when he left Nashville, not that he had made that decision or anything. He would need to make the decision soon though, between Damon and Bryan Fisher, he was running out of time. They wanted answers, answers he didn’t have.
When Jakob walked into the locker room, Shea’s team mates greeted him like he was the captain, not that it bothered Shea much. He probably did deserve the title more than Shea did. Jakob wasn’t a future mental patient, he was doing great. With a ring on Harper’s finger and a baby in her belly, Jakob was on cloud nine, while Shea was trying to find someplace to crawl to and die. Jakob’s happiness actually made Shea sick. He was so jealous of Jakob that he was disgusted with his self. He should be happy for his best friend, not wish the man was down in the dumps like him.